I just don't belive that it's good advice to tell someone it's time to move on for the sake of there difficult child...
In all families there are different types of people. First off, no one is going to tell you I'm the nice one. I'm not the nice one. I'm the blunt one. There are others who are the nice ones, and from what I can see each and every one has told you that it's time to move on for your son's sake. They said it nicely and you didn't hear it. That's where I come in.
My point about when you and your ex broke up wasn't about whether or not you should grieve, it's that people keep saying "maybe you moved on to a new relationship too soon after he died", when in fact you had already moved on to a new relationship
before he died, so that advice isn't really pertinent.
As parents, we don't have the luxury of getting stuck in our own problems when our children are having problems of their own, or even when they are not. The stability of their lives always have to come first and foremost.
While you may not be in ashes and sackcloth in front of your son, you are living in a house where the utilities are being turned off one by one. Your son sees this.
You have a boyfriend who barely works. Is he up and taking care of your child and participating in household chores and parenting, or is he sleeping all day and coming and going as he pleases? Your son sees this and any disagreements the two of you have about this.
If you are having so much pain that you are unable to keep a regular schedule with him and he is in danger when you are sleeping, you need to be more stringent with yourself or you need help. It seems your boyfriend isn't going to give it to you. I assume that since your father is sending you money he
would help you. I can understand your not wanting to go to your parents, no one wants to admit that they still need their parent's help. But this isn't about you, it's about your son. You need to move on from this boyfriend and this lifestyle for your son's sake.
You don't want to go home to your family because you don't want to leave your "stuff". Your son
has to come before "your stuff". On the other hand, if you can't feed your child or pay your rent or your bills and you don't want to move in with your parents, it's probably time to sell the xbox 360, and the games, and the 50" television set, and go without luxuries like cable television. I get it that you use the cable for your internet connection, but since you don't have a phone that you can use for potential jobs, that seems like a luxury. It's time to have a yard sale or sell it on Craigslist and kick the freeloader out.
You have gotten some very good advice here as to where to get help, and how to do it online since your phone got cut off. Have you done any of those things yet?
Have you sat down and made a schedule that is appropriate to your household so that your son won't be unsupervised? You know, one of our member's 4 year old grandson took off one morning while mom was sleeping and was found wandering on the street. Thankfully, someone honest found him and called the police. He's in foster care now. It could have turned out a lot worse. I'm sorry to say that if your son goes wandering while you're asleep and they bring him home to a house without basic utilities they won't be leaving him with you. What are you doing about this? He's four years old. You're in your 30's, it's up to you.
We all get that you are sad and frustrated. You also need to understand that in a place like this you don't hold the patent on it. I can't see what your son is doing that isn't what any other un- or under-supervised under-disciplined 4 year old does.
You are the one that needs help to find out how to give him stability. If he has no mental/emotional problems, he needs stability. If he
does, he needs
more stability. You won't be the first or the last mom who had to put herself second.
If you're here just to complain, that's fine too. But you need to understand that some of us will feel a need to point out to you that you aren't taking anyone's advice to make anything better for your son, and that the first person that things have to get better for is your son, not you, because that's the burden we take on when we become parents.
Finally, in my humble opinion, I have real doubts as to who you are. My gut feeling about the way your write and the things that you write are that you aren't who you say you are at all. You are pushing buttons to see if you can get an online group into a flame-war. Maybe I'm wrong and I know you will never admit it and that I will never believe you that you aren't what I think. But the inability to spell a word the same way from one sentence to another, the beginning with no punctuation at all, the starting with how poor you are and then gradually bringing up that you have a 50" television seems like you are trying to disguise who you are and to get a rise out of us. And I am not going to pass up this opportunity to point out that whether you are real or not the story that you are telling is more about what is wrong with the way you behave than the way your son behaves.
I'm sure one of the nice ones will tell you I'm not trying to be mean. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm being honest about a potential four year old in trouble whose mother is more interested in her stuff and how she will look if she has another failed relationship than in swallowing her pride and doing what she has to in order to make life better for him.
out of bed). 
