He doesn't care enough to hear what happened.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Sep 10, 2008.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I have known for a while that when something happens to the family my husband doesn't care enough to pay attention. Excepting the detail that it pulls him from his computer and some internet show called Pansy Warrior Princess my husband doesn't know anything about any events that occur to his children or wife.

    I didn't realize it extended to the kids.

    I just went and told husband to call HIS parents about Jessie's accident. We agreed years ago to take responsibility for calling our respective parents about things the kids do, or that happen to them.

    I had a call from one of my aunts who just got a copy of the article about Jessie's accident. I asked husband to call his parents if he hadn't already done so. I thought they were still travelling overseas, but thought that the message should be on their answering machine.

    I just heard my husband tell his father that the car HIT JESSICA IN THE KNEE!!

    I am SO angry about this, I cannot even tell you. When it was thinking that I called the Sheriff and had Wiz removed for "just" headbutting me, I was hurt and angry.

    I am totally BEYOND this. I will probably have to wait until tomorrow or risk saying something that will crush his tiny little ego and brain. I had NO CLUE that he couldn't comprehend written statements or verbal accounts of events. He sat and READ the state trooper's report. He also listened to Jessie describe the accident, and he looked at the bruises/banged up places.

    He freakin' told his parents that the car hit her in the knee.

    I just can NOT get over this.

    He either has the brain of an amoeba who has had his brain removed, or is just incapable of caring.

    Even the newspaper reporter knew more than he does.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Wow- I see why you want to talk to him about this. Is there any chance he tried to down-play what happened so his parents wouldn't be more upset?
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    I am so sorry. I wish I knew what to say - like he's a nimrod or a klingon that would make it better - but I think I would just let it go.

    At what point I guess do you ask yourself - Okay we've been married for X amt. of years and you know nothing about us and it STARTS to bother you? My first marriage was ALL about my x and HIS problems, HIS life, HIS woes, HIS needs, HIS wants.....and after a while year 10 in 13 - I finally said I need to do something for ME. So I got counseling. I asked him/begged him to go. He said no, then forbid me to go. So I did what he had been doing for years about drugs, booze, other women, money, jobs, and lied too. I went to counseling, I got help.....I put my life in perspective and left.

    I've been gone from that life for nearly 10 years. I'm glad I did something for me, and by that I don't necessarily mean leaving your husband....but I DO mean find a life outside of the one you have now IF he doesn't want to be part of yours. If he's just acting like a paycheck and another mouth to feed, body to clean up after and makes more chores than he helps with? I'd either push counseling or just continue to live my life without acknowledging it and if he wants to be part of the fun - allow him. If not? You aren't living a life and going stangnant waiting for him to care.

    I think one of the greatest pains in my life is loving someone and caring about them and NOT having that feeling reciprocated.
  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Susie, I'm so sorry. Many hugs. Hope Jess is feeling better.
  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Well, this hit a little too close to home for comfort, I guess. I wrote something snarky about crushing your husband and rebuilding him in a more responsible package. More to the point, my advice was to try not to wait until the next day. I know you're angry, but holding off until the next day gives them an entire day to think everything is ok, and then they wonder if there is some other character flaw that you have or they have that causes a delayed attack. In my experience, and lots of years of coming second to the computer game du jour, it's better to say what you mean right now. They don't get it tomorrow.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    You mean there are 2 of them in the world?? :faint:

    OMG I soooo know how you feel and what you're going thru. When I got runover by the truck........husband didn't even bother to call my family, at all. easy child didn't because she'd assumed her Dad did.

    I'm with Witz though. I wouldn't wait. I'd blast him while I was still good and mad.

  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Susie, I'm so sorry.

    I think that for the long term, Star's recommendation of building a life for yourself, in which husband can participate or not is a good one.

    For right now, though, I think Lisa and Witz both have a point. If you are going to blast him, do it today and let him have it with both barrels. He needs to feel the force of your anger and pain right now, otherwise it won't make sense and he will attribute it to you being emotional or something else equally insulting.

    Hope that Jess is healing well and not feeling too much pain.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I did let him know I am angry. I don't believe in bottling that kind of thing up and then letting go at a much later time. I usually try to let him know that I am angry, what I am angry about, and that I need to schedule a talk at a later time so that I don't say things I don't mean. I leanred some real BAD fighting habits growing up. So as an adult I work very hard to not say things in anger that I don't completely mean. I try not to assassinate anyone's character, and that usually means I need some time to cool off.

    I just am so stunned. I still remember how hurt I felt over his ignoring what Wiz was doing to me, and ignoring the details of the day I had to have Wiz removed from our home. (For those who were not around, or don't remember, husband thought I had Wiz removed because he "just headbutted" me - it was a full fledged beating, with Wiz getting me down on the ground and hitting and kicking me - BIG difference)

    Part of what I find so unbelievable is that he acted out how she spun when the car hit that first morning when he finally got home. Now he says he didn't know her ribs were even hurt????? Gee, I guess it was some other husband of mine who suggested wrapping her ribs with an ace bandage to help support her chest when the bra was uncomfortable. He said the bandage would give her the support her back needed and add stability to her ribs. So why say that if you don't know the ribs hurt?

    Thanks for letting me rant.
  9. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Honestly, I think it's a man-thing. (Sorry, guys). Either they don't get all the details or the embellish the details. I think discussing it with him, when you've calmed down a bit would be the wise thing to do. Ask him why he told his parents what he did and if he realizes that she was a lot more seriously injured than he expressed to his parents. If he doesn't get it, then perhaps he's been undiagnosed with a comprehension disorder....else I just don't know what to say.
  10. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Honey, there's a whole HERD. And they are NOT endangered.

    Sorry, Sus.
  11. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Great advice as always from the ladies... I couldn't and wouldn't be able to keep my big mouth shut. It would make it worse for all involved! Don't let it stew...
  12. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Kind of like deer, huh? Shari, you got a chuckle out of me.
  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Yes, I'm afraid it's a guy thing. They totally wipe things from their mind. Did I ever tell you about the time we drove past Stonehenge? My how that story has changed!