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Substance Abuse
He finally called
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 696478" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Thanks Copa.... yes I have come a long way from 6 years ago when i started on this site and my son was in jail! I now am enjoying my life and in general I have a good life. I do worry about my son, some times more than others but my worry is no longer the center of my life. It is a big help that he doesn't live with us and I hope I don't have to face him living with us again. </p><p></p><p>Colleen - I have been thinking about you and CRAFT and detachment. I really think CRAFT talks about detachment as if it is a complete shut off of the relationship. I don't agree with that definition. You have mentioned complete detachment and I think for me that is just impossible. I like the way alanon talks about detachment with love. For me that is not tying my happiness and well being to how my son is doing. Really early on my mood and sense of well being was completely tied to how he was doing, which meant a whole lot of angst and barely surviving feelings on my part. My continues in his cycles and it may go on forever.</p><p></p><p>I however have found things in mu life that make me happy. My relationship with my husband is good. My relationship with my daughter is good. I have outside interests and friends. My life is no longer so focused on my son. To me that is detachment.</p><p></p><p>I have gotten to a place where I realize I cannot save my son or solve his problems. He is going to have to figure things out for himself.... however I do help him out and if he ever wants to go back into treatment I would probably support it. Maybe that is enabling him. However we let him be on the streets and be homeless once for 3 months and although eventually it got him back into treatment it didn't not solve things. So I am not sure I want to push him to do that again. He struggles with depression and has made suicide attempts in the past and to be honest I am not sure I can deal with him being homeless again. That is one of the worst things I have been through because then I was worried all the time. At one point then he lost his phone so there was no way for me to know if he was dead or alive and that was just awful. Which is why I still pay for him to be on our phone plan. That is for me not him.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately there is no one answer that works in every case. I do think letting them know you love and support them may be important at some level when they decide they want to do things differently. I have sometimes felt that the only reason my son is not a hardened criminal is the love of his mother.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 696478, member: 15801"] Thanks Copa.... yes I have come a long way from 6 years ago when i started on this site and my son was in jail! I now am enjoying my life and in general I have a good life. I do worry about my son, some times more than others but my worry is no longer the center of my life. It is a big help that he doesn't live with us and I hope I don't have to face him living with us again. Colleen - I have been thinking about you and CRAFT and detachment. I really think CRAFT talks about detachment as if it is a complete shut off of the relationship. I don't agree with that definition. You have mentioned complete detachment and I think for me that is just impossible. I like the way alanon talks about detachment with love. For me that is not tying my happiness and well being to how my son is doing. Really early on my mood and sense of well being was completely tied to how he was doing, which meant a whole lot of angst and barely surviving feelings on my part. My continues in his cycles and it may go on forever. I however have found things in mu life that make me happy. My relationship with my husband is good. My relationship with my daughter is good. I have outside interests and friends. My life is no longer so focused on my son. To me that is detachment. I have gotten to a place where I realize I cannot save my son or solve his problems. He is going to have to figure things out for himself.... however I do help him out and if he ever wants to go back into treatment I would probably support it. Maybe that is enabling him. However we let him be on the streets and be homeless once for 3 months and although eventually it got him back into treatment it didn't not solve things. So I am not sure I want to push him to do that again. He struggles with depression and has made suicide attempts in the past and to be honest I am not sure I can deal with him being homeless again. That is one of the worst things I have been through because then I was worried all the time. At one point then he lost his phone so there was no way for me to know if he was dead or alive and that was just awful. Which is why I still pay for him to be on our phone plan. That is for me not him. Unfortunately there is no one answer that works in every case. I do think letting them know you love and support them may be important at some level when they decide they want to do things differently. I have sometimes felt that the only reason my son is not a hardened criminal is the love of his mother. [/QUOTE]
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