He is now in the halfway house

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by in a daze, Mar 23, 2013.

  1. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    I took him there Thursday. He was ready to go and did not give me a hard time. I did buy him cigarettes on the way there ( I resent having to spend the money on cigarettes, but I guess I kind of feel sorry for him, let him have his cigarettes. Maybe I can use them as a reward type thing.) This is the place that he did not want to go because it was supposedly in a bad neighborhood. Halfway house structured living attached to dual diagnosis PHP. Teaches life skills. Requires them to get a job within 30 days (difficult child told me psychiatrist at Residential Treatment Center (RTC) said he wouldn't clear him to go back to work yet. I can see this since he had 3 hospitalizations in a 3 week period). Haven't heard from him since. He does have his cellphone but no easy child.

    So taking a stand and setting a boundary (in this case, telling him that he was not going back home or back to the condo) worked. Given the choice of being homeless or going to aftercare, he chose aftercare.

    I'm not going to contact him until next week, unless he calls or texts. Going to give him some space. husband is very resentful of the rude way in which our son has treated him in the past, and I told our son that we would perhaps re evaluate use of cellphone, (or maybe cigarettes or the token amount of cash halfway house lets them have in the care of the manager, though i did not give difficult child any money this time).

    It's funny. I think about him a lot, but I don't miss him. Life is so much easier without him around. We can leave our wallets and sleeping pills laying around. We don't have to hide the wine (we don't drink it every day, but sometimes we have a lot left over after a party). I have a lovely built in wine rack in our kitchen, and right now it's got wine bottles in it! Haven't been able to do that in 2 years! It's such a relief not to have to constantly moniter what he is doing. We know he's safe. For a few months, anyway.

    husband and i have decided that he will stay out a year, and he needs to prove himself.
  2. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    Sounds like he is in a good place. I hope he does well there. I know what you mean about thinking about difficult child but feeling good that he isn't around. We've been there with sleeping with wallets etc. We did buy a safe at one point. When our difficult child was in residential, it was nice to be able to leave things out and not worry.
  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Congrats on getting him there. You've done amazing! :)
  4. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    IAD, you've done a good job. He is safe and you have clear boundaries. in my opinion, you've done all the healthy and right things. Enjoy your peaceful home, enjoy that sense of relief and your freedom. I understand your feelings to be thinking about him, but not missing him. I think your decisions are sound ones. Stellar job! Go have some fun!
  5. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I remember the relief we felt when difficult child was safely in the halfway house. It was structured and safe place and I had a very good feeling about it. And I won't deny the peace and relief we felt not having to look over our shoulder all the time. Our house was finally no longer a war zone. I vowed to neve r let that happen again.

    You are doing a great job setting the boundaries. We were not allowed to have any contact withour difficult child for the first three weeks because they said they needed time to adjust and it was exactly what we needed also.
  6. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thank you to all of you! You guys were such a great support system through all this drama. It helps so much to come on here and vent, and bounce off thoughts and ideas. Not that it's quite over, but it will be quiet for a few months at least.