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He is playing me yet again.....
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 680730" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Yes. But there is a time when it needs to be for the parent to learn how to respond. I think that is what Insane means by saying that we are as parents so variable and have so many needs, because it is us who change and as we do we seek out different counsel, different approaches.</p><p></p><p>I began on PE. It was very useful to me. To learn that I did not have to fix everything. It was neither my responsibility nor within my power.</p><p></p><p>To me, this proposed new forum would fit the bill. Suzir's, Insane's sons and their stance towards their imagined futures with respect to their sons, fits what I believe my best response would be. Yet as I am now, I feel incapable. I need to build that parent. She does not yet exist.</p><p>You know, my adopted son's birth parents, both of them had poly-substance dependencies and were to die of AIDS as a consequence. My son always had issues in school due to drug exposure and anxiety, I think, related to his first two years in orphanages.</p><p></p><p>Several times in the past couple of weeks my son has said to me something like this: Mom, isn't it something that given who I am and where I have been, that I am not a hardcore drug addict?</p><p></p><p>At first I balked. Because to me has always been my son. I see his life as me, what we have been together, where we have gone. To him, he has been traveling through the life of his birth parents because he has felt as marked and defined by that, or more so, than by his life with me. He sees himself to have been stigmatized, damaged by their behaviors towards him in utero. And he has been walking that walk, to my despair and frustration.</p><p></p><p>While I can understand it abstractly, I have a hard time emotionally.</p><p></p><p>I am beginning to hear him. It is something that he has chosen to not use hard drugs and to heavily restrict marijuana use in the recent months. I did respond to him this week: son, maybe we did a good job after all you and I. Was it ego strength on his part, my son's? Or was it by accident? Or something else? And now, he is choosing to build upon that. Decide he has a strength, and defining it as such.</p><p></p><p>I do not think genetics or disability or diagnosis or history determines behavior. I know this sets me apart from nearly all of us here. I believe it is a choice. And because it is a choice, other, different choices can be made.</p><p></p><p>COPA</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 680730, member: 18958"] Yes. But there is a time when it needs to be for the parent to learn how to respond. I think that is what Insane means by saying that we are as parents so variable and have so many needs, because it is us who change and as we do we seek out different counsel, different approaches. I began on PE. It was very useful to me. To learn that I did not have to fix everything. It was neither my responsibility nor within my power. To me, this proposed new forum would fit the bill. Suzir's, Insane's sons and their stance towards their imagined futures with respect to their sons, fits what I believe my best response would be. Yet as I am now, I feel incapable. I need to build that parent. She does not yet exist. You know, my adopted son's birth parents, both of them had poly-substance dependencies and were to die of AIDS as a consequence. My son always had issues in school due to drug exposure and anxiety, I think, related to his first two years in orphanages. Several times in the past couple of weeks my son has said to me something like this: Mom, isn't it something that given who I am and where I have been, that I am not a hardcore drug addict? At first I balked. Because to me has always been my son. I see his life as me, what we have been together, where we have gone. To him, he has been traveling through the life of his birth parents because he has felt as marked and defined by that, or more so, than by his life with me. He sees himself to have been stigmatized, damaged by their behaviors towards him in utero. And he has been walking that walk, to my despair and frustration. While I can understand it abstractly, I have a hard time emotionally. I am beginning to hear him. It is something that he has chosen to not use hard drugs and to heavily restrict marijuana use in the recent months. I did respond to him this week: son, maybe we did a good job after all you and I. Was it ego strength on his part, my son's? Or was it by accident? Or something else? And now, he is choosing to build upon that. Decide he has a strength, and defining it as such. I do not think genetics or disability or diagnosis or history determines behavior. I know this sets me apart from nearly all of us here. I believe it is a choice. And because it is a choice, other, different choices can be made. COPA [/QUOTE]
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