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He just does not get it
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 629677" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Anne I'm so sorry.Yes, there is a lot wrong with this picture. The only changes that will happen are the ones you make. The only responses that will change anything are the ones you change. Change your responses. Better yet, refuse to have any responses. A 33 year old man who continues badmouthing his mother, disrespecting his mother and then asking for a handout is an abomination. There are boys 12 years younger then your son, dying in battle.</p><p></p><p>As you relinquish your enabling, your son will up the ante and increase this ridiculous display of manipulation, that is what most of our kids do. See it for what it is, a grown man having a toddler tantrum because he isn't getting his way. Block his number from your phone so you aren't harassed anymore. <em>He is abusing you. What he is doing is abuse</em>. In all the time spent calling you he could be looking for a job.</p><p></p><p>It may be prudent for you to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here if you haven't already. And, the book <u>Codependent no More</u> by Melodie Beattie is very helpful. This is hard stuff to do, but it is necessary. We are in our 60's, this behavior from our kids is completely unacceptable. Instead of ruminating about your son today Anne, go out to lunch with friends, take a walk, have a massage, go do something completely nurturing for YOU. Place your son in the hands of your perception of a Higher Power and let go. It's time for him to grow his own life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 629677, member: 13542"] Anne I'm so sorry.Yes, there is a lot wrong with this picture. The only changes that will happen are the ones you make. The only responses that will change anything are the ones you change. Change your responses. Better yet, refuse to have any responses. A 33 year old man who continues badmouthing his mother, disrespecting his mother and then asking for a handout is an abomination. There are boys 12 years younger then your son, dying in battle. As you relinquish your enabling, your son will up the ante and increase this ridiculous display of manipulation, that is what most of our kids do. See it for what it is, a grown man having a toddler tantrum because he isn't getting his way. Block his number from your phone so you aren't harassed anymore. [I]He is abusing you. What he is doing is abuse[/I]. In all the time spent calling you he could be looking for a job. It may be prudent for you to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here if you haven't already. And, the book [U]Codependent no More[/U] by Melodie Beattie is very helpful. This is hard stuff to do, but it is necessary. We are in our 60's, this behavior from our kids is completely unacceptable. Instead of ruminating about your son today Anne, go out to lunch with friends, take a walk, have a massage, go do something completely nurturing for YOU. Place your son in the hands of your perception of a Higher Power and let go. It's time for him to grow his own life. [/QUOTE]
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He just does not get it
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