He keeps taking things ...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TerryJ2, Nov 4, 2012.

  1. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Even though he's on probation.

    He swiped my earbuds a cpl wks ago (it's on a thread here somewhere) and we have ZERO tolerance since the jewelry issue and court.
    Last wk or the wk b4, I stupidly bought Quaker Oat bars because I can shove them in my purse and snack when I'm in between shuttling him to school and tutoring, and P's dr appts, and the entire box went missing. Makes me think I'm losing my mind. If he'd opened it and left it, I'd remember.
    So, husband found all the wrappers in his room today.
    And some clothes that smelled like urine. Ew.

    So sad. difficult child is doing a bit better on some things, and I hate to make everything so negative, but we have to have a zero stealing policy. There is a reason I have a lock on my office door. I store MY food in here, which either he is allergic to, or which I simply want as a treat for myself. I am sure I left the door unlocked on more than one occasion. I cannot ever let my guard down. (This is why I am not a Navy SEAL.)

    husband picked up difficult child from his girlfriend's house and difficult child is HOT. husband and he yelled at one another in the car all the way home. Now difficult child is waiting outside and cooling off.
    And husband is trying to get his voice back.
    difficult child had the gall to come up to me with-the wrappers in his fist and say, in an angry voice, "So, Dad said you had something to talk to me about. What is it? I want to go back to my girlfriend's house."

    Last edited: Nov 5, 2012
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Oh, the gall of some of these kids. That sound soooo much like difficult child 1 sometimes. I agree you need to have a ZERO tolerance policy. Some of our kiddos can't distinguish between minor stealing (food) and major stealing (jewelry, etc) and if they are comfortable stealing at home, how much shoplifting is done when they're out. It's scary to be honest.

    So, did he get to go back to girlfriend's house?!? LOL
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    OMG...the stress goes on and on. I'm sorry. Hugs DDD
  4. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Im so sorry.
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ugh!!! I hated when difficult child used to steal. It used to drive me nuts. Guess I shouldn't say used to because he still takes change. We can't seem to make him understand that is stealing too. Although we did tell him the next time he shows up with extra change he loses all of his money. It's only been about a month but it is working so far.

    I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this and then the attitude on top of it-grrrrrrrr!:grrr:
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Nope, he's in for the night. He got fed up with-the whole thing and went outside. I texted the girlfriend's mom in case difficult child went back there, but he went outside and hung out on the old swingset. He finally came back in and we had it out by then. He had calmed down a lot.
    We took away his phone until Tues a.m., told him to finish the chores he hadn't done today, and that stealing from us is the same thing as stealing from strangers.
    He's been much better tonight. I don't think he feels much remorse; I think he knows he wants to see his girlfriend again and that by cooperating with-us, he has a better chance of seeing her Tues.
  7. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Yeah, that is Q's main motivation for stopping a specific behavior at that moment too. I wish it generalized and meant he learned not to do things, but it usually takes the development of new skills as you well know and live too.

    At least if we need them to do the right thing that works sometimes. I guess there are several here who would say that nothing ever works. Do you think he still is responding better now that he is on the lithium? Nice that his girlfriend is pretty decent but wouldn't it be so much easier without that teen obsession???? LOL

    Hope his community service at the police station went ok. I'd love an update as to how that went (sorry if you already did andI missed it somewhere else)
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    You know, I don't think I did do an update. I forgot!

    He attended with about a half doz kids his age, boys and girls. The ofc was a woman. He never said a word to me about it, but since husband picked him up, I guess it made more sense to tell husband right away. He said they washed a squad car, which he was worried about, because he didn't think he could do a good enough job, but the kids were laughing and making it fun, and of course, many hands make light work. They washed or swept some school floor, and then got a lecture. Not sure what the lecture was all about.
    He got credit for 5 hrs work.

    The only thing he said to me about it, was to question and verify that it is the first two Saturday's of each month. :) Maybe I can get him to talk about it today.
  9. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hmmm, wonder what they lectured them about, lol. Well he has a few hours down....funny that he's already planning for his day off....
  10. Ugh! Terry, I'm so sorry that he is still stealing from you. I'm not sure how to get that lesson through to him if the courts and everything you had done hasn't sunk in yet. So frustrating.

    And the attitude on top of it all.

    Maybe something from the lectures at the police station will help or get through to him. Is he seeing a therapist or counsellor as well? I am sorry, I can't remember.
  11. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Eeyore expresses remorse but turns around and takes stuff five minutes later. If anyone ever figurs out the magic to make them stop, they get the whole island with Raoul!
  12. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I don't want Raoul, and I definitely don't want any part of the island.
    So I won't tell you.

    No, seriously?
    We got it to stop. Really, REALLY did. Like to the point that I can leave my purse in plain view with a wad of cash in it. Chocolate on the counter doesn't go missing (much less the stuff in the cupboard).
    But... it depends on WHY.
    When we figured out what all the other unmet needs were... the snitching (taking food you'd have let him have anyway but would prefer to be asked), and the outright theft (cash, etc.)... gone. Seriously, GONE.

    Took me 6 months to even begin to stop being paranoid, though.

    And your difficult child's reasons are likely different than my difficult child's reasons.
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2012
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Insane, I DO want your magic formula!!!!!!!

    difficult child is as ornery as ever. :(