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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 31933" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Another resounding "yes" - these are pretty normal statements from a difficult child facing or newly in placement. It's the bargaining phase. It was definitely the hardest part of thank you's adjustment to placement. His crying, while hard to hear, wasn't as bad for *me* because I could comfort and reassure and be the strong mom. The bargaining was harder because I really do think they believe what they're saying, they really think they'll toe the line if they can just come back home. We're in a no-win situation while they're bargaining because, at least in thank you's mind, the fact that I didn't bring him home proved that I didn't believe him and I didn't love him. The only thing I can do is keep putting it back on his shoulders - his choices, his behaviors made it impossible for him to live here and now he has to work the program and prove that he can be safe here. We still go through this stage periodically - it bites.</p><p></p><p>Kris made an *excellent* point. You are not required to stay for a full visit (or continue a phone call) if he's being inappropriate. I know it's hard to imagine leaving early but... placement is a done deal, it's non-negotiable. Rehashing it doesn't accomplish anything. </p><p></p><p>A gentle hug to you. I think you have a healthy mindset about this - the placement is necessary so he can learn to function appropriately down the line. It's heartbreaking for us and beyond difficult, but I do think it's good to keep the goal in mind. Hang in there.</p><p></p><p>Oh - your mom. LOL - sorry, I've heard it all from my mother, how I'm a failure as a parent, yada yada yada. I no longer share anything more than superficial details about the kids, I bite my tongue a lot, and while I am deeply hurt that she could feel this way about me, I also know that I am doing the very best that I can so my kids will be healthy and hopefully happy adults... that's my job and it overrides any lingering need for my parents' approval. Bottom line, some grandparents just cannot understand. With my mom, it's just not worth the effort to try to explain anymore.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 31933, member: 8"] Another resounding "yes" - these are pretty normal statements from a difficult child facing or newly in placement. It's the bargaining phase. It was definitely the hardest part of thank you's adjustment to placement. His crying, while hard to hear, wasn't as bad for *me* because I could comfort and reassure and be the strong mom. The bargaining was harder because I really do think they believe what they're saying, they really think they'll toe the line if they can just come back home. We're in a no-win situation while they're bargaining because, at least in thank you's mind, the fact that I didn't bring him home proved that I didn't believe him and I didn't love him. The only thing I can do is keep putting it back on his shoulders - his choices, his behaviors made it impossible for him to live here and now he has to work the program and prove that he can be safe here. We still go through this stage periodically - it bites. Kris made an *excellent* point. You are not required to stay for a full visit (or continue a phone call) if he's being inappropriate. I know it's hard to imagine leaving early but... placement is a done deal, it's non-negotiable. Rehashing it doesn't accomplish anything. A gentle hug to you. I think you have a healthy mindset about this - the placement is necessary so he can learn to function appropriately down the line. It's heartbreaking for us and beyond difficult, but I do think it's good to keep the goal in mind. Hang in there. Oh - your mom. LOL - sorry, I've heard it all from my mother, how I'm a failure as a parent, yada yada yada. I no longer share anything more than superficial details about the kids, I bite my tongue a lot, and while I am deeply hurt that she could feel this way about me, I also know that I am doing the very best that I can so my kids will be healthy and hopefully happy adults... that's my job and it overrides any lingering need for my parents' approval. Bottom line, some grandparents just cannot understand. With my mom, it's just not worth the effort to try to explain anymore. [/QUOTE]
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