He lost his job

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by in a daze, Aug 26, 2013.

  1. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Telemarketing...if you don't bring in enough money, they cut your hours, and then let you go. Had it for ten weeks. He called me Sunday morning. Sounded very depressed. He might have a lead on another job via someone in the house.
    His friend sent him a text...she's upset because he hasn't contacted her. He doesn't talk to anyone but his mother (myself) and then only when he needs something or has something to report. Says he's just a wreck over this text, but can't bring himself to contact her.
    We are keeping busy. My replies were encouraging (you'll get another job, I have faith in you) and neutral about the friend thing (oh, that's too bad. Sorry you feel that way. Maybe you should call her etc.)
    I am trying not to think about it too much. Refuse to get sucked into all his problems. Used to do that, and it never worked.

    Your prayers and good thoughts that he gets another job would be much appreciated.
  2. goomer

    goomer New Member

    Right there with you.

    How many jobs has your son had? He is basically the same age as my difficult child, who will not even look for a job and has only had two jobs in her life, one of which was a failure.
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    IAD, he's been doing so well lately, I'm sorry. I am crossing my fingers, thinking good thoughts, saying a prayer, sending good vibes...........so your son gets another job very soon, one he likes and feels good about. And, hugs to you Mom, hang in there, do something really nice for yourself............
  4. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Thanks, RE for your support, means a lot!

    Hi Goomer. Job # 1: Security guard job working concerts downtown and NFL games and professional soccer games. Did it for a couple of summers and then lost interest, even though it was a really cool job. Job # 2: Working for his uncle in the law office (did one summer between semesters and a couple other times 6 months at a stretch.) He did well the one summer he worked there but then his issues got bad so he was not a model employee but his uncle put up with him because he was family. Job # 3: security guard at a UPS plant (lasted 6 months, would call in twice a month because of depression issues and it was really hard because it was night shift and he couldn't sleep, so went back to work for uncle)
  5. goomer

    goomer New Member

    So he has a slightly better job history lol. How do you handle his inability to retain jobs? Is he still living with you?

    How is it that we as parents can try so hard to present good examples and better opportunities for our children....only to watch them flush it all down the tubes :( It is taking me a while to process everything, and I imagine it is similar for you?
  6. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    He has been at a dual diagnosis halfway house since March. He has had depression issues since age 16, and then at age 21 started self medicating with alcohol and prescription drugs, so it was very hard to get him motivated to get a part time job. He was required to get a job in order to stay at the house, and he was doing pretty well for about a month and got himself moved up to three quarter status, and now this happens. So I don't know what is going to happen to his three quarter status, unless he gets another job soon.

    Now he did manage to finish his psychology degree (took him seven years, and an expensive private tutor and help from his dad for the last two classes (algebra and stats), but now I kind of regret sending him past the associate's degree. He would NOT visit the career office, would NOT discuss career options and would get very anxious when we brought it up. And oh my God, work while he was going to school full time? Do an internship? Not!

    So I was thinking about this today, Goomer. Some kids get cancer and die despite the best treatment. Some kids are adults and still cannot support themselves despite the best help and parenting. So that's how I kind of rationalize it in my mind. Now my son has been out of the house since February, so we haven't had a chance to enable him (lol). So we will have to wait and see if he can become independent. He has bipolar disorder, ADHD, and addiction issues, so he has a lot working against him. However, he knows we are not taking him back home, so I imagine that's a motivation to get out there and job hunt.
  7. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    I've heard psychology is one of the most underemployed degree, my son has a bachelors in psychology and works at a restaurant. He hates paying those student loan bills every month and wonders why he did it.

  8. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Tell me about it! He's very intellectual and a good writer, but does not seem to have the wherewithall to find himself a job that would suit his abilities.

    *Did your son have a career goal in mind?
  9. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    Actually he knows why he did it, the degree was more so he could process and make sense of his childhood. He was diagnosis ADD @ 4yo, girls abusive x-dad entered his life around 8yo (diagnosis schizophrenia probably a sociopath) and the issues with the girls showed up as babies. According to the couple psychiatrists I've been to the DSM doesn't have a diagnostic code for whatever my problem is.

    No money or insurance to pay for therapy but they were offering him pell grants & student loans so he went out and got the information to treat himself. His take on my problem was that I have PTSD (nothing post about it its ongoing), adHd & mild Asperger's (is this why nicknacks have to be in odd numbers and my can goods have to be in rows in the cupboard?)

    Anyway the psychology degree helps him see what is going on with co-workers etc and is going to make him a better manager. My friend once said "Every person on this planet is dealing with their own level of crazy, it's their ability to deal that determines if they need a psychiatrist & medications" and when I look at every person I've ever know I believe this to be true.

    Wow youngest goes back to school tomorrow and still needs to return & find jeans (grabbed 2 pair didn't fit because I was rushing her UGH) hope she gets out of bed soon (been trying for about 5 hours now). Maybe I'll strip the floors of her room today (machine from 1950's works great but boy is it loud! LOL)

    Sorry got side tracked I don't think his long term career goals involve his degree at all that was more for him to be ready to move forward and close the door on some things in the past.
  10. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I think my son's choice of a major was also an attempt to understand himself and his issues. He had a very stable childhood, so that doesn't really enter into it. But it seems that going to school was the only thing he was capable of doing at that time. He's stable on his medications now, not using, and feels much better, so I'm hoping he can figure out something. Like your friend said, he needs to be on medications to deal with life, but unfortunately it took 10 years, 2 rehab stays, and four hospitalizations to find the right combination of medications and therapy.
  11. helpangel

    helpangel Active Member

    yes those medication trials feel like trying to nail jello to a tree but when you find the magic combination its worth the effort. I lucked out with my son the first medication they tried (Ritalin) was the right one with him but the girls... wow its been a long painful journey.