He made it back

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by toughlovin, Nov 21, 2011.

  1. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Hi all,

    Well my difficult child made it back to the sober house. I got up early to drive him to the airport. I was dreading getting up real early and the drive in traffic but i ended up being really glad I did it because we ended up having a really good interaction.

    At one point he said he was sorry for being such a pain in the a**.... I laughed and told him he was a pain in the a** but what I really wanted was for him to get better and get his life together, that would make me happy.

    I told him I would stop and buy him coffee.... we talked about how he would not be able to take that through security.. he said I dont' suppose you have a couple of dollars. I said it may sound ridiculous but I am not giving you any money, even a couple of dollars. He said it was not ridiculous and said no more about it.

    On the way to the airport I missed a turn, which is kind of painful... thank goodness we had a gps. Anyway I wsa mad at myself and started swearing. He laughed, clapped and was excited, He said he has never heard me swear like that... which is kind of shocking because it is not all that unusual!! But he remembers me admonishing him for his bad language and its true when he was younger i was pretty careful about my language. Anyway that kind of opened up something between us.

    I told him I thought he thought I was really judgemental and I really was not.... and that led us into a relaxed but real conversation about his drug use. He said he doesn't see him being completely sober for the rest of his life.. he wants to be able drink champagne at his wedding or smoke a joint with friends. I was ablel to say some people can absolutely do that but i think you use drugs to avoid your feelings and your problems. He said that was true but he was talking about once he got his life together, that he knows he needs to be sober to get his life together.

    I said well he doesn't have to decide about the future now... that is why they talk about one day at a time. He talked about how he likes one day at a time, but doesn't buy the idea that one drink or one joint will kill you....

    So ok he is not there yet... but I think a lot of addicts struggle with the idea of never ever using anything again. That is why "one day at a time" is so important. And it may be that he will get his life together and then decide to try that one joint and will really relapse and have to learn the hard way. But he is acknowledging that for right now to get his act together he needs to be sober. That is huge.

    We got to the airport and he told me to get out so he coudl give me a hug. He gave me a big hug, I told him this is his journey but we support him in his journey and that we should have more conversations like that one... and he said yeah I enjoyed that conversation.

    So I feel relief... relief that he went back, relief that I saw the side of him I like today, relief that he at least reailzes the needs to be sober to get his act together, and that even with the last week he still seems to want help.. He still has a long way to go and I know that anything can happen... but he conversation today felt real and honest.

  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It sounds like you allowed each other to say what was on you minds without judgement. I must admit his thoughts on smoking a joint once in a while worries me but you were very calm about it in allowing him to express that. I don't believe anyone goes into treatment understanding and accepting that sobriety means forever.

  3. buddy

    buddy New Member

    What a great relief. Yeah, sure he has a way to go, but he is taking some steps forward and so great to have that moment to hold onto. I am happy for you.
  4. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    TL, I'm glad that he is on his way back and that you had a good conversation with him before he left. My difficult child also said some things like alcohol was not really her problem and that pills were her real problem. I think she was hinting that she could drink again some day. I am hoping that attending AA and NA meetings will open her eyes that addicts need to stay away from all addictive subtances.

    But, as always, preaching won't get them there so I think you were wise to listen and not judge. Hopefully he will come to that realization on his own.

  5. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    Great Job TL!!!

    Enjoy a peaceful night :)
  6. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Thanks all.... I am going to enjoy the peace for now until the next thing... cause I know there will be a next thing.

    I too worry about his attitude around being able to use casually at some point. However there is nothing I can do about it and I know with certainty that he doesn't listen when I preach... he sometimes listens when we have a conversation like today.

    My real hope is if he can really deal with his real issues that he tries to cover up by drugging... that maybe he won't feel such a need to get high, and a couple of slips will show him that he really can't do it casually.

    However for now I am just hoping he stays away from spice and other junk and really gets sober and does what he needs to do to get his life together.