He makes way more money than I do so why the hell is he so broke all the time? (Vent)

[susiestar]

I can see that you need the break from the kids, and maybe giving your ex some gas $ is how to get it. But his wife's income is none of your business. It just isn't, and it is not part of thee calculations for child support. He is broke because spent all the money he had. Your kids are clearly not his priority. He also KNOWS he can get $$ from you, so why would he spend his own money?

in my opinion it would be vastly better for you to keep the kids at home and document his refusal to pick them up because he doesn't have gas money. Get a journal and start documenting every single thing he does/says. He periodically threatens to take custody from you, and he also isn't paying his support regularly. These would count against him, but if you don't document this and keep the documentation organized, then it is as though none of it ever happened. See if you can get him to communicate with you by email when it comes to stuff about the kids. That would let you print off the emails and keep them in a file - and it would be HIS words as proof.

As far as support, I would make SURE that his employer knows that if the support isn't paid then the employer can be held accountable - not just the parent. The employer may be sending partial support because of some sob story that your ex is giving him. I bet that the sob story wouldn't work if the employer knew that the unpaid amount could come out of his pocket rather than your ex's pocket.

 

[TeDo]

DITTO!! DITTO!! DITTO Susiestar!!

 

[Californiablonde]

Just an FYI. His wife is nine years older than me. Her kids are adults and out of the house. She is not a stay at home mom. Regardless, I still didn't get my money today as promised by child support. Luckily I get paid from work tomorrow.

 

[Hound dog]

Still, hon, his new wife is not the issue. HE is the issue. And he's not going to pay up on time or whatever until he's forced to do so one way or the other. If you keep loaning him money and don't stay on top of hounding child support about him not paying.......he's going to continue playing games because he's getting away with it. It really stinks he's being such a major jerk when there is no reason for him to be. But unfortunately, many men are like that.

Hugs

 

[DammitJanet]

I am probably gonna get slammed for saying this but...1600 isnt all that much money more than you. I dont know how much you make but that is roughly 400 a week.

I dont know what your ex's financial obligations are at his current home. Does he have more kids? Does he have a large mortgage on a house that he cannot possibly sell in this housing crisis because he is so far upside down he would go bankrupt? There are houses now that were sold for 800K in 2006 or 2007 and today are barely worth 250K. You simply cannot sell that house.

I know I sound like I am on his side but I really am not. I think you are lucky to get any child support myself. You will get it caught up when he files his taxes if he gets any refund at all. I raised my son and his father never paid a dime because back then they just didnt look so hard. He owes well over 200K between 4 boys. If not more. My son is just 50K alone. We will never see it.

I gave up stressing about it years ago. I knew he wouldnt pay. I also knew it meant he would be on the run his entire life and would never be able to have a decent job. That is sad for him. He chose to be on the lamb rather than send his son $128 a month. I think that was a stupid decision.

 

[Californiablonde]

I would LOVE to be able to make an extra $400 a month! All my money problems would be history! No he does NOT have any more kids and he lives in a little trailer. My expenses are way more than his. I have extra medical expenses due to having two difficult children plus I have a high afterschool daycare bill. Plus I have two kids to feed. All he has to worry about are him and his wife. No matter what anybody says I am entitled to child support and I'm not going to feel bad or guilty for getting it. I'm sorry you lost out.

 

[JJJ]

I would not give him the money. Let him pawn something.

 

[InsaneCdn]

JJJ... part of the problem is, he wants to get out of taking the kids. He wants CB to suffer, to not get a break... so, her not giving him gas money means she doesn't get a break.

 

[DammitJanet]

If the situation is what you say it is then you need to go back to court and get an order for modification of his child support. When was the last time you did that? Have any of your situations changed? If his income or expenses have changed then they can consider that. Your child care can be brought into this. Have you looked at the child support calculator for CA? They have one online so you can get a rough estimate of what they would force him to pay. If he is only paying a portion of his support each month, he is in contempt of a court order. Before you do this though, make sure he really is making what you think he is making because if he has taken a cut in pay or hours this could come back to bite you.

 

[Californiablonde]

I took him to court and got a remodification six months ago. The court gave me $232 more a month than I was getting. They also wanted to make him pay for the kids' medical insurance but I said no I would keep them on mine. For him to do it it would have cost him an extra $500 a month and he said he wouldn't be able to pay his bills if he had to do that. So I was nice and kept them on my insurance even though putting them on my insurance costs me an extra $200. So basically I gave him a break and he still can't pay what he's supposed to. In the end I know I will get more money when he files his tax returns but the thing is that I need the money now to live on.

 

[Hound dog]

CB

He makes 1600 more a month than you do. You're barely making it on your income, yet you didn't let them make him put them on his insurance?? You really really got to stop being so nice to this guy.

I mean, I'm all for getting along once the marriage is over. I think that is a good thing. But letting Ex take advantage of your niceness is not doing you or the kids any favors. There is a reason they wanted to make him pay the insurance, a good one. The needs of your kids come first, being nice to ex comes after that. You have the brunt of the responsibility on your shoulders, he gets to be the fun dude who sees them every other weekend.

We kept insurance on Katie until the day she turned 18. Burned me up that biomom never once used it. Still, I wouldn't let husband drop it because......well, you just never know. And I did feel that was his responsibility, just as it would be if she were living with us. Plus it kept her covered when she came to visit, should she have an accident or get sick.

 

[InsaneCdn]

If it would cost him $500 a month extra to put the kids on his insurance, and it only costs you $200 a month extra to add them to yours, then... He'd better be prepared to pay the $200 to you instead of the $500 to the insurance co. THAT would have been fair.

 

[Californiablonde]

Yes I'm being too nice, you're right. He backed me into a corner. He threatened to take the kids away from me and make me pay HIM child support. I got scared so I settled for less. Big mistake. I shoulda taken my chances.

 

[InsaneCdn]

You ARE making a paper trail on all this stuff, right?
Building your case for the next round? Because... this koi is really good fodder against him ever being able to take the kids away.

 

[DammitJanet]

You have got to build that paper trail. Put an app on your phone that records all calls coming from him. They have them.

 

[Californiablonde]

He doesn't call me. Our communication is strictly through texts and emails and I have kept record of everything in case I need to use it later.

 

[witzend]

You know, it's a bit off topic, but the subject of "you need a break" really bothers me. Some of you got to get up in arms about not counting the new wife's income, so I get to be up in arms about this.

When L was about 12 years old, she stopped wanting to come for visits. We had M and he and L were never close, and she was cruel to him. She amped it up when she decided she'd rather not come for weekend visits.

L's dad, on the other hand LOVED having L come to visit us every other weekend. Her half sister lived with his ex, and L and her sister's weekends with and without him coincided. So, he was a bachelor every other weekend. L wasn't very nice to her half sister, either, and R had L in therapy for that and a host of other problems. I dutifully participated in the therapy, and the therapist finally told me, "L doesn't want to visit you on weekends, and forcing her is only making her like you less. Do what you can to keep your relationship close, but don't force overnight visits that she doesn't want." We agreed that was probably reasonable.

When I told her dad, he started to amp it up. He was going to take us to court and force us. He actually even put her into foster care for a year and tried to manipulate us into taking her. Puh-lease! We were working class people with house rules we expected people to participate in and chores for kids to do. School attendance was non-negotiable. L, on the other hand, was on a $100 a week allowance, had no curfew, had missed 52 days of school by December, and was staying out all night with adult men. There was no way we were taking her.

But, to my main point. I was broken-hearted for L when I realized how important it was for L's dad to dump her on us every other weekend because she was a burden to him. She knew it, I knew it, and he eventually had to know it, even if he wouldn't admit it was true.

The purpose of visitation is to maintain a healthy relationship between parents and kids. It shouldn't be looked at by either parent as a "me time" situation.

 

[Californiablonde]

I am a single parent of two mentally challenged kids. Yes, sometimes I need a little break and I'm not about to feel bad or guilty for it. Every parent, single or not, needs a break. That's what babysitters are for!!! Seriously. I am not going to apologize for needing a bit of me time every now and then. All parents need time for themselves and anybody that says they don't are liars. Sorry.

 

[witzend]

Every parent needs a break from time to time. I needed a break from my kids as well, and got a sitter when they were young, and found reasonable activities for them to participate in when they were older.

I'm saying that your money might be better spent getting a babysitter than paying your ex to come get the kids. If he wanted to see them, he would find a way to do it without hitting you up for money. Kids shouldn't have to go see parents who don't want to see them. Your ex's interest in seeing his kids is pretty low if he can't cough up gas money when he earns $1,600 a month more than you do.

I will not apologize for pointing out what you might not be seeing. It wasn't said to hurt your feelings, but if it makes you feel bad it might be that you need to look at why it does. If you need a break, find a way to get it without bribing their dad to take them off of your hands.

 

[Californiablonde]

I just said I don't feel bad and it's true. I don't.