He might have blown his last chance.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mog, Aug 28, 2009.

  1. mog

    mog Member

    I have been getting phone class in the evening from the school saying that difficult child missed this period or that period. Yesterday it said he missed all day and when i questioned him of course it is the school that is not taking attendance. JPO called today and said that he met with difficult child at school and that his excuse for not getting to school is because he was lost- come on for nine hours. He has ridden the bike several times before so of course he was lying. JPO told him that they were going to drug test him and he admitted that he smoked pot on Wednesday. JPO said they are going to staff his case on Tuesday but it doesn't look good. Not going to school, lying ,stealing from his sister, drugs, not taking his medications,breaking into our bedroom, not following the house rules or doing his chores and his running away this weekend definately went against him. :sad-very: Now I will worry and cry all weekend waiting for Tuesday's news. He has a two year commitment hanging over his head what is he thinking:sick:The MST therapist and I have been working on a new points system for him to earn privileges but I fear now that we will never even get an oppurtunity to implement it. I don't know what I can do.
  2. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    This might not be the popular opinion, but from our short trial with mst, it was nothing like what it claims to be. Now, I think it is ridulous to think that it will change a kid unless the problem is that the family never had any regular, structured rules and cosequences. That really isn't the problem with most of our difficult child's so mst won't "cure" it, in my humble opinion. I realize that it claims to be a tried and true "therapy" but I found it to be nothing more than a contract and in-home parenting classes.

    Anyway, I'm not sure what you mean by your difficult child having a 2-year commitment or what that involves in your state. My 14yo is in our state Department of Juvenile Justice right now and has been since winter. I tried to get him into a psychiatric Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and you might want to advocate for that. I couldn't get anyone to advocate for it for my son, even though several mental health profs recommended it for him, so he was committed to state Department of Juvenile Justice. He has gotten into a facility that is safe, so far, and not one where kids are abused or mistreated. He goes to a school all day long and is kept on par educationally. He has a therapist and a behavior counselor (2 seperate people). He sees a psychiatrist although that's a little lame there.

    Anyway, it's not nearly as bad as I had feared but that's mmostly because of the facility he got into. If he had been considered violent and older, it could have been more like an adult prison, which was my worst nightmare. My son is excelling where he is and behaving very well. I know this is painful and it's hard to accept that things have gotten this bad, but it's not always as bad as we fear.

    Hang in there-
  3. mog

    mog Member

    I pray that you are right!! I am so afraid that because he is 16 almost 17 they will put him in an adult facility. He went into a Residential Treatment Center (RTC) facility court ordered but discharged unsuccessful they were not going to let him come home -the plan was for him to go to detention for 2 years. I begged for a "triage" meeting and asked husband, my brother and my sister in law to attend the meeting with me. WE begged for him to be able to come home and try to work with MST because we had never had that opportunity before. There was two women in the meeting that argued that he was unsafe for the community but thankfully their boss listened to us and we were granted the oppurtunity to bring him home. The women against this have been on our heels just waiting for difficult child to mess up so they can rub it in my face that he goes away. Yes I admit that he has problems BUT he has still been able to maintain safety -He has not hit anyone or done major property damage like he had in the past. Yes he has made mistakes but is making progress until he went back to school. how else can I help him , I am wiped out.
  4. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, I am so sorry. I don't know much about this sort of thing but wanted to lend support. Fingers crossed.
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If this is what will help difficult child become a law-abiding, happy adult - then it needs to happen. He is out of control. Not even helping himself get on the right track.

    I understand your mommy heart is hurting if he has to go to another Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but he has proven he needs it. Perhaps he even knows this and is crying out for that option via his actions.

    Parenting a difficult child is tough stuff. We have to watch them make so many life moves that put them back years. But, remember the goal: law-abiding, happy adult. He can get there with the right supports. Don't feel bad for him, be happy for him that he has the supports he needs.
    If he had cancer and you were forced to treat it on your own - you would be thrilled when the docs stepped in to treat it. I am just trying to give you a different thought process. I am not diminishing the pain at all.

  6. mog

    mog Member

    If it was just Residential Treatment Center (RTC) -I would be all for it but he is not a candidate for Residential Treatment Center (RTC) anymore because he discharge unsuccessful last time plus the choices that he is making are not in the heat of the moment when his bipolar is the boss- he is making these stupid choices calm , cool and collected -huh of course that many be due to the weed. Your right my mommy heart is hurting and I do not know what to do!!!!
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so sorry. It hurts so bad and some weeks it seems it will never stop hurting.

    The best thing you can do for your difficult child is to get out from between him and the natural consequences of his actions. Hopefully he will get "caught" before he is 18 and the judge will let it stay in Family Court. That would mean that at some point in the future his record could be expunged. A BIG deal as he gets older.

    If you shelter him from consequences now he won't change. Then he will end up in adult court facing some really really HARD times.

    Lots of gentle hugs for you mommy heart.
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I do not think there is anything you can or should do at this time. That, unfortunately, is the best parenting you can give him at this time.

    The hardest kind, too.
  9. mog

    mog Member

    Thanks to all for your support!