"He needs a Label"

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by flow247, Sep 10, 2008.

  1. flow247

    flow247 New Member

    I am new to the site and don't know all the abreviations,,,,so forgive me. I am a single mom with 2 sons, one of which is a difficult but beautiful little boy with ADHD and ODD. This is our first year in public school (3rd) and after the first day (only 3 hours mind you) the teacher calls and tells me Fletcher is the most disobedient child she has ever had. Of course she didn't read any of the 4 papers I filled out detailing his conditions or medicastions. I have since then met with the teacher, principal and Special Education teacher to discuss a "plan". The spec-ed teacher said he needs a label to get any kind of special attention. To me, understanding this is a rough transition isn't too much to ask or need for a label. I am sure some of you have experience with transition to a public school and could give me some much needed advice to this issue.
    I am so thankful for such a site. I have felt very much alone in the battle to make my son "human" to other people. I hope you can understand that term. Inside this wall-bouncing, babbling mess is a sensitive and very inteligent little boy! Thanks for reading my ramblings, and any help is much appreciated!!:confused:
  2. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Hi & welcome,

    First off, let me say I'm a bit incensed by this teacher's attitude & statements toward you. To say that your child needs a "label" is insulting at best. Labels belong on the cans in grocery stores.

    You have a valid diagnosis for your child ~ this should start some services in motion at your school. I'd ask, in writing, for a meeting of the minds at school & request an IEP to help your difficult child.

    There will be others that have a lot more knowledge on acquiring an IEP & may point you in the right direction.

    Keep us updated.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome to a wonderful support group. I'm glad you found us but sorry you needed to. As a teacher, I too am appalled at how this teacher has treated you. It is amazing and not in a good way that she would call after the first day to tell you that he the most disobedient child she has ever taught. Completely unprofessional!

    I agree with Linda that you need to start the IEP process to get the support your son will need.

    I'm sorry you have had such a bad start with the public school system.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    This teacher was NOT very diplomatic, and I wonder about her ability to deal with parents. But she is also correct, even though it's sort of sad. You do need an IEP for services. You can't get around that. It's the only way to get your child help. We have two kids getting Learning Disability (LD) services right now and they needed to be tested by the school district. Both have done amazingly well since getting those services, by the way. We chose to also get private evaluations to sort of put exclamation marks after the services we wanted. If the school balks about an IEP, call your Dept. of Public Education in your state and ask for the Special Education Advocate. They'll make SURE you get what your child needs. My two kids are both labeled Learning Disability (LD) at this time. The choices, I think, are Other Health Impaired (OHI), Learning Disability (LD), BD (behavior disorder), and CD (cognitive disorder). Many kids now have the OHI label and still get lots of help. You may also want to post in Special Education 101.
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2008
  5. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    Unfortunately, there are some teachers who feel they already know everything they need to know, and who resent any attempts to inform them about any particular child.

    This COULD be just a case of a teacher not being fully informed ahead of time, perhaps she didn't get the paperwork you sent along. I'm trying to be nice here. But still, to ring you and say that - it doesn't augur well.

    One good thing - at least she DID ring to talk to you. She could have simply shrugged her shoulders and not even bothered to communicate with you. Or she could have ignored his 'bad behaviour' and just carried on working around him, letting him (and the other kids) do what they want without even her being aware of any needs, problems or whatever.

    A few suggestions -

    1) We found a lot of use from a Communication Book. And the sort of frankness the teacher expressed - I always allowed/ignored this in the Communication Book because I wanted the frankness and honesty rather than tact. A Communication Book can be simply - I used a shop-bought cheap exercise book and made a special label on my computer printer that said, "difficult child 3's Communication Book - friends, family, teachers, please write in this book with anything we need to share about him." The book travelled in difficult child 3's school bag. It was NOT his responsibility to do anything with the book (although sometimes teachers tried to make it so, and I kept having to stop this). The book is too important to involve difficult child 3, because if he messed up and forgot it, WE suffered for it. He did too, but not in any ways he could connect with his foul-up. But good use of the book made it easier for both teachers and family, because we could find out, faster, if there was any problem or change. It also saved the frequent "classroom steps"conferences. I could get teacher involvement on board easily, by pointing this out and emphasising that using the book meant the teacher could get away sooner after the school day was over - surely something she would want, after a day in the same room with difficult child?

    2) The teacher said he needed "a label". While this DOES sound a bit derogatory, she IS right in that a diagnosis makes a big difference when it comes to getting support. It's not fair, but it is the way things are. Your son HAS a label (diagnosis) and this will help. However, always keep an open mind about the diagnosis because sometimes as the child gets older, you can get a better idea of what is happening. Sometimes the diagnosis changes. For example, a lot of kids with Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) are often diagnosed as ADHD to begin with.

    3) Keep a diary on your son. It is really helpful especially later on when you need to check anything from his past. There are so many little things that you are certain you will never forget - but you will. The strain of trying to remember it all can slow you down in so many ways. Having your own diary is really helpful, especially later on for doctor's appointments or sometimes just to read through and see just how far you've come - because without it, you might not notice.

    4) Do a sig when you get the chance - it saves having to give those little details about you and your family each time. Have a browse around the site, see what you can find in other threads and posts.
    difficult child = Gift From God, the child that brought you to this site. easy child = Perfect Child, even though none of them are perfect. husband = Dear Husband. DEX = Dear Ex, although not all of them are "dear".

    There are many more things I could share, but a little at a time is best so you don't get overwhelmed.

    There is plenty of help here, I have found so much strength from the others on this site. It has changed our life for the better.

    Welcome! Keep us posted on how you get on.

  6. SRL

    SRL Active Member

    Talk to your school principal to request a complete evaluation for your son. Follow that up with *(very important) a certified letter to the director of special education making the request. You don't need to provide a lot of details, simply state that due to a medical diagnosis of ADHD and ODD and difficulties in the classroom, you are asking that he be evaluated.

    Upon completing the evaluation, a team will get together to decide if he qualifies for services, and if so, under one of seven broad labels used in the educational setting.
  7. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    Just wanted to say welcome and you will find great support and advice for your son on this board.

    My daughter has an IEP and it help her get the special attention she needs in the classroom. I hope you can get the ball rolling for your son.
  8. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    ADHD should be enough of a "label" to get you an IEP. My dtr is classified as "emotionally disturbed" which gets her services. The teacher is right in that regard--not to say that you want to be labeling your child, but in order to get the services you need there has to be a label given.
  9. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    Just wanted to add my welcome to the board:D

  10. Christy

    Christy New Member


    The label is not what is necessary for an iep; it is the impact the condition has on the child's education. Some kids with ADHD do not need special services, just a good teacher who is aware of the need to provide mulit-sensory instruction and opportunities for movement. Behavior impacts learning so it will depend of your son's ability to be successful academically. The ADHD and the behavior the teacher is seeing should be enough for an iep screening meeting and to consider testing. Regardless if the schools goes the iep route or not, a behavior plan should be developed that addresses your sons specific needs and learning stlye along with clear behavior goals.

    Good luck and keep us posted!