He pulled a knife from the kitchen drawer...

[Chaosuncontained]

Earlier, Carson was being teased a bit by his sister. He took a knife (steak) from the kitchen drawer--I was standing near by. I said to him "GIVE ME THE KNIFE! Give me the knife , Carson. Give it to me NOW!" He slapped the knife into my hand--cutting one of my fingers.

I sent him to his room. This scared me. What if he had gotten to his sister? What if he had really hurt someone? I had visions of Police and Paramedics and him strapped to a gurney--taken to the hospital. Sister hurt. Brother crying hyterically. OMG.

I haven't gone and talked to him yet. He keeps asking when he can get up. What do I say? How do I handle this one?

Part of me wants to call EX and tell him what happened and ask him "You SURE you want him there full time?" and another part is afraid he will say that his behavior is all MY fault and use it to take him from me.

This is ALL scary stuff for me. Everything feels so out of control

 

[buddy]

OH gosh, I dont know your ex, but if he is influenced by his wifey, then no way would I tell. They may hear thru the grapevine though so what to do then? I dont know about that end of things.

Long long time ago, Q said he was gonna stab my mom, didn't get a knife (they are all locked because I was always afraid he woudl hurt himself or cut the couch etc.) I would do what you are doing, big time let him know that is unacceptable and there are consequences for unsafe behavior. Unsafe things are much more serious consequences than other problems. I always tell Q it is my job to make sure he grows up knowing rules and how to treat others so he can be happy in life. So, even if he gets upset, he will have this consequence (of course I realize most of the consequences do no good but I still have hope that some day things will click)

 

[TerryJ2]

I would not tell.

I've learned that with-my difficult child, if I act scared, he will milk it for all it's worth.
I tend to make specific, targeted, disparaging remarks like, "I can't believe you pulled that knife out and acted like you were going to use it on your sister. That's something a 2-yr-old would do, not a big kid like you."
Don't say that in the heat of the moment. It will ramp him up. But whatever works with-him--guilt, disappointment, whatever--use it when he is calm for a "teachable moment." For example, tomorrow, you can tell him how disappointed you are in his behavior. But I wouldn't dwell on it. He's a kid, and very impulsive. He'll come up with-something else. So unless you see a pattern here, I would not recommend making it into something bigger.
Still, I would keep an eye on him.
How did his sister react?

 

[BusynMember]

My daughter was MUCH older than your difficult child, but I called the police when she pulled a knife. I was terrified and wanted them to take her to a hospital, which they did. She was furious because they handcuffed her (for their safety, they said), but she needed to be in the hospital. I take knives very seriously. If it were me, I would definitely tell ex because your other kids need to be safe. in my opinion they both need to know that Carson could possibly be violent to the other kids so that he can be watched EXTRA-carefully. Does sister tease him often? If so, they shouldn't be alone in a room together.

I would put a call in to his psychiatrist and say it's an emergency and let the psychiatrist tell you how to handle it. Let him cool off in his room until you hear from psychiatrist. At least...that is my suggestion about what to do because I don't really know. A lot depends upon (in my humble opinion again) how much control he really has over the things that he does. I would not try to figure this one out myself.

 

[Chaosuncontained]

If it were me, I would definitely tell ex because your other kids need to be safe. in my opinion they both need to know that Carson could possibly be violent to the other kids so that he can be watched EXTRA-carefully.

This is what I thought. Ex and his wife have 3 girls ranging in ages from 11 to 2. Do you have any idea how fast I'd be up on the chopping block if they found out I KNEW he was "this violent" and didn't tell them...putting those girls at risk?

husband and I had a great talk with Carson. Explaining that "because I was angry" is no longer an excuse in this house. We let him know how important he was in our home, how wanted he was. That we didn't want him to leave by ambulance to go to the hospital. Carson made us both "pray over" him, asking God to help him to be the best boy that he can be.

Carson was very concerned that Mom was very sad and had tears in her eyes. I showed him my cut and told him that even though it was small it still hurt. He is always SO apologetic after these instances. Sigh...

 

[buddy]

You know Terry, that is exactly what happens with my son, I do not make a huge deal out of things I dont want to see again.... sorry to say if this becomes a big event in their minds then it seems it pops in too easily. Q did it once and only once, (saying it, couldn't do it but might have). If your gut says this kid is now going to be dangerous and he does things routinely... then I would re-think about the ex etc but given your last post.... I would be worried he will fight for custody and also it will reinforce it for Carson. Negative reinforcement is so powerful. I think it can be more powerful than positive reinforcement.

It is a tough call.... Did he at all go for her? Did he really try to cut you or did he slam it in your hand because you demanded it and you accidently got cut? or did he mean to cut you. could he predict that? You dont have to answer....just things to think of.

*** we posted at the same time....so I didn't see your follow up concerns.... wow, that is heartbreaking.... Q has asked me to pray and I have heard his prayers. I think it does reinforce that they are truly out of control when that happens, they really dont want to do that. UGG what a hard thing, Sounds like it depends on how you tell ex. IF it is said in a truly over the top-you better watch out kind of way that maybe would be different than just letting them know he grabbed it impulsively and he handed it to you right away when directed to...or however it really happened. Well, you said in your first post, it could make them leave Carson put! I am sorry for this situation, Whatever you do , we are here for you.... I hope they are reasonable.

 

[Chaosuncontained]

BUDDY: "It is a tough call.... Did he at all go for her? Did he really try to cut you or did he slam it in your hand because you demanded it and you accidently got cut? or did he mean to cut you. could he predict that? You dont have to answer....just things to think of. "

He took the knife out of the drawer adnd headed towards the living room. I stopped him with my voice. He slammed the knife in my hand but then drug it across my palm, cutting my finger. I don't think he was going to go all harry-carry on us... but it was still scary.

 

[buddy]

Oh I see. it was hard to picture.... That does make it really scary though that he was running into the living room. I bet your heart was racing....
I go thru this in my mind so much but dont have to worry about other kids. That is a really hard thing. I am so sorry for you. We are here for you no matter what. He sounds really scared. Will be interesting to see if he says anything to you tomorrow.

 

[BusynMember]

Chaos...if he goes to ex's house, even for visits, he is going to be around other kids. It sounds to me like he meant to cut you because he was angry. Since you have easy child's you realize how over the top this is...and dangerous. Ex has a two year old that he could seriously hurt if she angered him. They need to know what Carson did if they are planning to bring him into their house. in my opinion it's a moral obligation with nothing to do with whether or not ex and wife are jerks (they seem to be). It's really in my opinion about the safety of the other children he'd be living with.

I think that violence has to be dealt with seriously, whether it is against oneself or somebody else. My daughter was sixteen and taking Prozac and it amped up her problems. She got hysterical and pulled a knife on herself, putting it to her neck. I didn't bat an eye, but went for the phone, because I knew she could kill herself that way, although most of me didn't think she would do it. I was relieved to have her in the hospital getting treatment. She never did anything like that before or after.

You are correct that if you don't tell ex and wife and Carson hurts one of the other kids, it will be big trouble. I urge you to tell him. If he doesn't want Carson to live with him after that, well, you are probably a better place for him anyway. He is in no mental shape to change homes and schools and you don't have younger kids. I'm not going to pretend that this will be easy, but in my opinion it's something that is the morally correct thing to do. I hope you decide to tell them. Good luck, whatever you choose to do.

 

[InsaneCdn]

I'd also make sure psychiatrist/therapist know... for multiple reasons.
One of those reasons is... if he is that unstable, switching him to full-time with X may push him over the edge... If you can get psychiatrist/therapist on side, it may help your case.

 

[buddy]

wow you guys are good. IC that is a great point.

 

[TeDo]

Chaos, because this sounds ssooooo eerily familiar, I want to let you know that difficult child 1 did the same type of thing when he was on the Risperdone. He had an adverse reaction to it after 2 months that made him very violent. Yes, pulling knives. We called the psychiatrist and told him I wanted the risperdone stopped immediately. We did and that violent reaction went away within a week. Since Carson has been on the risperdone for about the same amount of time and the situation was about the same, this is screaming risperdone to me.

 

[buddy]

HOLY cow, I didn't notice that... Q jumped over the back seat of the car and pulled the keys out of the ignition when we were driving on this stuff. I made it to a parking lot and he pulled on the seat belt to not let me get out of the car, it was choking me but he didn't realize.... I finally got out.

UGGG, two days off of it, he was back to normal. He was in 4th grade. Didn't do anything like that again until the rage (and even that had no life threatening danger) with the Lamictal. Risperdal was awful for Q. I know it is good for some, but????

 

[InsaneCdn]

Like many drugs... risperidal/risperidone is either really good or really awful.

 

[BusynMember]

medications are a two way street. They can make things better or even worse.

If your child has a change in behavior after a new medication is added, my own belief (which could be 100% wrong ) is that it is probably the medication. Sometimes it takes time, until the medication builds up in the child (or adult's) system. My son did not get violent on Risperdal, but he had so many horrible side effects (his bones hurt, headaches, slept all the time, then started getting involuntary movements) that he was pulled off it cold turkey with no weaning. I have a motto: Less is more. Do the most you can with a few medications because every new one that is added has the potential to screw with the ones that are already there and can make things worse. Again, I am NOT anti-medication...I take medications and will have to until the day I die. I am anti too-many-medications and doctors who just throw medications at kids to see what sticks. It's a good idea to look up each medication your child is prescribed before giving it to him. That way you can know in advance what could happen...and can spot reactions. Another motto: Knowledge is Power

I know; I'm a bad cliche.