He thinks I am an idiot

[susiestar]

Now that my parents will be home in less than 24 hours my bro is panicking. Bigtime.

See, my father would NEVER permit HIS home to have locks that we didn't have a key to. Even when my mother was furious with us Dad insisted we keep keys. Heck, his own brother's house opens with the same key because they BOTH want it that way. Then if my uncle comes to town and my parents have a conflict my uncle can just come on it. And they don't have to hunt up extra keys on the rare occasion either one visits the other. Been that way for over 20 years.

Bro left a message saying that the lock to the door was "broken" but that he would get it "fixed" no later than Wed. Parents will be home by them. I bet he has to take time off work to fix it, unless he did last night, because he does NOT NOT NOT want my dad to know how far he went.

He also is now claiming he is only upset because we are so "angry" with my parents. We are not. They don't think we are. They are not angry with us.

I bet he has brown stains in his underwear from fear that my father will finally tell him off. Cause my bro does fear him. Dad doesn't get upset often, but when he does it is a fearsome thing. This may not upset him. But I wouldn't take bets on it.

 

[WhymeMom?]

Just sit back and enjoy the fireworks......... I'm thinking somehow bro may pull your name in on this........ hope your dad sees past that.

 

[LittleDudesMom]

So, so much drama. Take a back seat to this one. Hopefully your folks will take your nonattendance and no comment for noninvolvement!

Sharon

 

[susiestar]

We are going to do our level best to just stay away from him and make our relationships with my parents about us and them, not about him.

He WILL drag my name into it. He will do all he can to make it look like we have calculated all of this to hurt my mom and dad. I am quite sure she will be furious with me. It is her pattern. I do not have to give in to it though. Not at all.

I will make an effort to let her know that it isn't about her, but about the stunning way he just explodes at us out of the blue. It has been his pattern for years, and my mother has done amazing things to rationalize it to herself and to make husband and I accept things.

Now she has to learn new ways also. I am quite sure that this week won't be fun at all. But I am determined to not cave, not be dramatic, and not waver.

Thanks to all of you. You are wonderful.

 

[AnnieO]

I'm kind of confused - how did YOU change the locks and play with the bathroom to hurt your parents?????

I'm sure HE did these things because YOU did something else???

Keep those letters like Marg said... Sigh.

 

[ML]

I'm just adding my encouragement and support. It sounds like you are handling this beautifully. My prayers for better, less drama filled days. Love, ML

 

[KTMom91]

Sit back, watch the fireworks, and enjoy some popcorn.

 

[susiestar]

he left a message saying he only said/did anything because we are so angry with my parents and were set on attacking them while they were gone.

Delusions seem to entertain him.

The part of everything that is so scary for me is that we never know when he will blow. He has NEVER, not even one time, called me to say "Hey, I am really bothered by this. Is this a good time to talk or can we get together to talk?" Never.

He will rant and rave about how I am "angry" at him when I am not in the slightest even thinking of him, much less upset with him. He just explodes. Then, like a true difficult child, he is done and we should tell him how sorry we are and make nice.

I just remembered something from MY childhood. My paternal Gpa was an alcoholic. When bro and I were very young my mother told him that if he EVER had a drink around us he would never see us kids again. Period. Gpa became very mean, esp verbally, when he was drunk. (Or so I have been told.) Gpa did NOT drink around us because he believed my mom would do it.

This is not any different. If she tries to say it is, well, I will have to point this out. She may say that my bro isn't drinking so it is different, but it isn't.

Jess was finally able to verbalize that while what bro says really hurts, it is the way he blows up out of the clear blue sky and will physically prevent others from leaving until he is done berating them. I am not surprised that this is the part that scares her the most, but I am proud of her for being able to say what the main trigger of her fear and panic is.

 

[trinityroyal]

he blows up out of the clear blue sky and will physically prevent others from leaving until he is done berating them..

Susie, that's simply terrible. And unacceptable. Neither you nor your husband nor your children should be subject to that.
Domestic violence resource materials identify preventing you from leaving to get to a place of safety as one of the criteria to determine whether you're being abused.

Honestly, I don't know that a long explanation to your mother will make any difference in the way she views the situation. You do not need to justify your actions to her, nor do you need her permission or "blessing" to take the steps you're taking. You're protecting yourself and your children, and that takes priority over everything else.

I'm glad that you're able to distance yourself from it somewhat and see the situation clearly for what it is. And I'm sorry your bro is such an idiot.

Hugs.

 

[Shari]

I hope he threw out the old locks and has to go dig thru this week's trash collection at the county dump to find them.

The only response I'd have to the folks about it is a copy of the letter when they ask what happened. I'd say nothing more.

Hugs.

 

[klmno]

The part of everything that is so scary for me is that we never know when he will blow. He has NEVER, not even one time, called me to say "Hey, I am really bothered by this. Is this a good time to talk or can we get together to talk?" Never.

He will rant and rave about how I am "angry" at him when I am not in the slightest even thinking of him, much less upset with him. He just explodes. Then, like a true difficult child, he is done and we should tell him how sorry we are and make nice.

This is so much like my bro, it's frightening. Just remember- it won't just be you because it's his sense of entitlement- not any "problem" you have or anything you are doing or not doing. This became more than obvious to me when my bro was trying to get custody of my son, made issue with the GAL and judge that he "deserved" to have phone contact with difficult child, then yelled at difficult child time and time again when he got that phone contact- and yelling about how stupid it was for difficult child to not want to live with him, that I didn't love difficult child, and koi like that. Be patient- I do undwerstand how hard that is- but the truth will come out eventually.

Not to hijack your thread, but this (along with the fears of molestation) is why I blow when someone even suggests difficult child going to live with my bro.