M called yesterday asking if we would take his aid card so that he wouldn't spend money that he shouldn't. husband and I talked about it and we agreed that we didn't want to do that. We discussed perhaps helping with budgeting for a while, but didn't get far with that. M wanted to come over today, but husband told him that we had to discuss it, plus he had a doctor appointment this morning, I have something this evening. I have work to do. But mostly I know that this is not about his aid card. So, he calls me this morning while I'm still on the road from the doctor's appointment. I told him that we wouldn't take the card and he needed to have more information about how the money can be accessed and then we could talk. But, that the most we would do with it is put it in the safe and forget it, we would not manage his money. He says he has been blowing his money and that's one reason that he was stressed. But he realizes that even if we had the card all he has to do is go online and access his money through paypal. OK. So why do we need the card? Just cut it up. It turns out that he has his first appointment with a therapist on Saturday. He had led us to believe months ago that he was in therapy. He wanted us to go to the therapist appointment with him. Oh hello! There is no way on God's green earth that I will do that! Or husband either. Well, then we can meet at a restaurant. Fine - get your head together as to what it is that you want, and we can talk about what we can do to help. Then he gets less specific. He just wants our help. He talked to husband, husband told him we wouldn't go to therapy. Neither of us are clear as to why he wants to meet someplace to talk with us. He says he wants to move on and make a fresh start in life. OK... I moved on years ago. husband moved on. I'm sorry that M didn't move on, we did everything we could to help, and then we did everything we could to let him be. But I can't jump back into the fire. He has a therapist. That is where he needs to move on, I think. If he can identify issues that he wants help with, that would be great. But I'm not him. I can't know what it is that he needs to work on. I keep thinking of that movie City Slickers, where Curly tells Billy Crystal "You have to have one thing." I have no clue what that one thing is for M. I never will. I don't know what that thing is for anyone other than me. Not even husband. I feel like he is asking us to be a distraction to his recovery. I hate feeling so much like I don't want any part of it. He's a person in my life who I should be giving advice to and I can't think of anything other than that for everyone I need to walk away from him so that he can figure it out for himself.