He wants to spend the night.

[in a daze]

I totally get the "12 years". been there done that. We have ended up getting totally different dxes than what we thought we were working with. Came with a change of doctors and therapists. And finally we are starting to work toward some progress.

How certain are you that the dxes are correct? Who did them, and how thorough was the testing? Just wondering... because if he's medications and therapy compliant and it isn't really working, maybe the wrong dxes are being treated?

Hi IC. He is on his seventh psychiatrist. University p doctor told him he was bipolar in 2011. Another p doctor got neuropsychological exam in 2013 while he was in the hospital for substance induced psychosis (he was abusing his prescription adderal). Found no psychosis, no bipolar disorder, has major depression anxiety and personality disorder. He's had three neuropsychological exams since age 16. He is presently being seen by highly regarded University of Chicago doctor who specializes in personality disorders. He sees a caseworker every week. He just signed up with a psychotherapist who sees him once a week. He has been sober for 2 years. He takes this "supplement" on and off which may cause mood swings and this has been discussed in p doctor appointment and caseworker knows about it.

Don't know what to do with him anymore. Mentioned expensive live away program to p doctor and he felt that it wouldn't help him.

He's on Brintellix right now and may be switched to MAO inhibitor if he doesn't show more of a response.

 

[in a daze]

(Quote) My son's life gets smaller and smaller. Of family and old friends nobody anymore tolerates him.

He too has diagnoses of anxiety, social anxiety and mood disorder. He has body dysmorphia too. He says he thinks he is ugly. I am not sure that this is really the case. I think he manipulates himself, so as to have an excuse to not risk.

The thing is everything in life is a risk.

I think this may be what frightens your son so that he prefers to come home, rather than try his hand to make a life, whatever it might be.

I think our sons might be afraid to cut loose. They fear what might not be there. Instead of embracing possibility.

Read more: http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/he-wants-to-spend-the-night.60755/#ixzz3hiJ6jSL1

Yes. My kid, like yours, is afraid to take a risk and try a new job. Instead stays in a job he hates because it's familiar. He's afraid to branch out and make new friends. He says he wants "a career" where he can support himself and make a living doing something he likes to do but makes no attempt to read about different occupations. Yes, he has had vocational testing.

Maybe our refusal to let him spend the night will send a subtle message to him. Maybe.



(Quote) The more that I think about it, the more I think the issue pure and simple is dependency. I think that the hostility, anger, and resentment my son directs at me, results from his over-dependence on me.

Read more: http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/he-wants-to-spend-the-night.60755/#ixzz3hiMyF0XE

I haven't experienced this first hand but I have read that teenagers can be very mean to their parents when they are feeling very dependent but still want to be independent. Maybe the case with your kid? They may be adults, but stuck at the adolescent level emotionally. Or maybe this is just psychbabble...check it out with your therapist if you have one.

 

[InsaneCdn]

I haven't experienced this first hand but I have read that teenagers can be very mean to their parents when they are feeling very dependent but still want to be independent.

Do you happen to know where you read that? It kind of makes sense to me but I'd like to see the context...

 

[in a daze]

It was in a book about raising teenagers by a psychologist named Anthony Wolf. He has written some very practical but funny books about child rearing. The book had a long title , something about "I hate u mom, can u drive me to the mall now?"

 

[Copabanana]

"I hate u mom, can u drive me to the mall now?"

That pretty well sums it up, no?

 

[Copabanana]

Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager
Aug 21, 2002
by Anthony E. Wolf Ph.D.

He has another one, too. (I think my son was the ghostwriter):

I'd listen to my parents, if they just shut up.

 

[Jabberwockey]

I read the excerpt on Amazon and had to stop when I got to the point where he was talking about a teenagers "right" to say whatever they want when I had to stop. I cannot agree with this in any way shape or form. I'm almost 50 years old and I most certainly don't have the "right" to go into my parents house and say whatever I want, no matter how disrespectful it is.

Yes, the old way of parenting ran the risk of causing lack of confidence and some anger, but I'll take that risk over the generation of self entitled, disrespectful, whiny assed titty babies that are being raised because of crap like this. Dr. Spock was the latest, greatest thing in parenting for a long time and look how accurate THAT steaming pile ended up being.

 

[InsaneCdn]

when I got to the point where he was talking about a teenagers "right" to say whatever they want when I had to stop

We're the same age... I've had to fight husband on this one. Our kids now have the right to say whatever they want, as in, we keep the lines of communication open. However, they are NOT entitled to say it any way they want. Respect is vital. In both directions.