He won't bathe/she won't comb her hair!!!

weaselqt

New Member
Odd how these difficult child's can be so similar and not know each other. My difficult child is 15 and bathing is not as bad an issue as it has been in the past - but it can still be an issue at times. Living in the south with all the humidity and heat - sometimes even I need a bath twice a day!! LOL!

Okay - maybe I'm bad - but what has helped is that last spring I bathed him - and made him bathe himself so I can coach him (yes - he is 15 and we have done this numerous times). He gets angry with me - but I won't tolerate it. If he doesn't keep his hair clean and neat - I have it cut the way I want it cut. Now he keeps his hair well because he doens't want a buzz cut - LOL!

His teeth - UGH!!! I brush them for him - floss them - I think he enjoys me doing this but his teeth are so gross if I don't! difficult child has braces adn he enjoys talking with crap stuck in them and smiling just to p*** me off I guess?

He has his moments - but I never can tell when they are
 

AllStressedOut

New Member
Leave in conditioner or a nice smelling lotion. We used lotion the first time because we didn't have baby oil. It worked okay, just didn't smooth it out as nice, but it still worked. I'm not sure I'd use it with the dryer though. I'd go for the leave in conditioner though.
 

Wiped Out

Well-Known Member
Staff member
Getting my difficult child to shower is a major pain so I sympathize with you.

easy child is AA and her hair is one thing she is very proud of. When she was younger husband did her hair and she always received so many compliments. Pink Luster Lotion was something he used that really helped!

When she was in middle school and going into 7th grade she decided she wanted it straightened (the person who did her hair had always said no straighteners until their first period). She now wears it straight-it is very long and she still gets tons of compliments. She did have one person who asked her if she was trying to be white? She handled that well although I think it hurt but it is the style she wanted and has kept for several years. It kills me that she still often wears it in a ponytail but she said that way it isn't falling in her face.

Now she gets it touched up about every 4-6 months. In between she does some straightening with a professional quality straightener we invested in.
 

busywend

Well-Known Member
MWM, be careful of that pink lotion - it may not work for everyone. For my difficult children type of hair - it was like glue. I kid you not. And Dex used to insist it worked. Yes, it helped you comb through it - but OMG try to comb it out the next time and watch out. He never had to do the next comb out.

Also, she should not wash it everyday. It should be more like once or twice a week. Not enough oils in the hair. My difficult child NEVER has had oily hair. And she is not one to shower much.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Hi and thanks again!
MicheleL, I think my son prefers the non-smell soap...lol. He has lot of sensory issues. I can't get him to take a bath. It's a shower, and that's all I ask...lol.

As for daughter, she did use Pink and she liked it. They don't sell much for AAs here yet, even though the population is growing. Old habits die hard, I guess. AAs out here often drive to Milwaukee to get their hair products. I'm going to the Chicago area this weekend and I'll stock up on AA stuff. I do think I'm going to relax her hair and then maybe get somebody to do cornrolls on top of her head. My older daughter is a beautifician and she will do it when we're there. After that--well--I'm a klutz with hair so I'll have to pay somebody.
My daughter is very proud of her AA heritage, except for her hair. She refers to herself as AA, not biracial. I'm hoping that her hair can handle the relaxant because this hair issue is a big thing to her.
 

waytootired

New Member
My difficult child hates to shower and hates to wash his hair. I had to tell him if he didn't wash regularly he would "grow stuff" on his male parts & get ingrown hairs on his head and gets sores. I didn't want to lie but, Yuk!! I took him to the store and he himself picked out Axe body wash for men/boys & Pert shampoo(conditioner & shampoo in one, only one step). He showers most every day and washes his hair a few times a week.

Try letting him pick out the soap that he likes, it's worth a try.

Good luck !!
 

Marguerite

Active Member
I've had to skim some answers, so sorry if I repeat.

Someone else suggested the coated hair elastics to reduce hair breakage. And I firmly agree - buy them in bulk.

But here's another option - find a good quality hat elastic, buy a good supply of it then cut it into the right lengths for her hair. Allow an extra bit of length to tie a reef knot in it, to make the loop.

easy child 2/difficult child 2's exBF (we were only talking about him last night) has long, very frizzy (AA-type) auburn hair. And he had no idea how to manage it. My daughter would spend hours, literally, combing out the knots and dreadlocks which would form. It was so think it wouldn't wet. In the rain the water would bead on his hair then drip off. He had to use a lot of shampoo just to break the surface tension.

We tried just about every product you could think of, but what did the trick in the end was oil.
Now, it doesn't have to be baby oil. You can use cold-pressed almond oil which also doubles as a deep conditioner for the hair AND the scalp. AND she can perfume it with whatever she chooses.
Because we're technically, geographically, part of Asia, we may have access to products you can't get. But this still could be duplicated, if you can't get it.

We get a deodorised coconut oil which is perfumed. It comes from Fiji and they use it there on their skin and on their hair, to tame the frizz. There are three fragrances - rose, tiara (which smells like jasmine, the picture on the bottle looks like star jasmine) and sandalwood (clearly for the boys). This is pure stuff, it's inexpensive. It solidifies below about 28C, but you can scoop it out solid and it melts almost immediately on your hands. Smells and feels wonderful.

Braiding DOES hurt. A friend of ours is a professional singer, had her hair braided for a gig and ended up missing the gig because it brought on a migraine. But if she tried with a friend, maybe, larger braids done more softly shouldn't hurt as much. They don't last as long either, but they can give a different look.

easy child 2/difficult child 2's current boyfriend has frizzy hair but not like ex-boyfriend. He's wearing a lot of scarves and going through a lot of gel. Scarves are good, for taming the bouffant look. Bandannas, turbans, all sorts of fabulous stuff you can personalise.

As for difficult child - you've had some good suggestions. What has worked for us - the sniff test and making him re-shower is a good one. An absolutely brilliant antiperspirant is also needed. They have to put it on after each shower, and each morning. Find one that he is OK about using - roll-ons can snag in underarm hair, stick deodorants can leave chunks caught in hair. He may insist on a spray-on. It's worth the expense.
Next step - you do not put smelly clothes on a clean body because if you do, you just wasted the wash. So first step for him, always, is to sniff his own clothes before he puts them on (or get you to sniff, to make sure).
Clothes that smell should be walked straight to the laundry and immediately have white vinegar splashed onto the smelly area. They then go into the "to be done" laundry basket. If they're really bad, they may need a pre-soak as well. But you would be amazed at what just a splash of vinegar can do.
Some clothes will retain a BO smell even right off the clothes line, so if the vinegar treatment doesn't work on those, throw them away. because even straight from a thorough wash, he will smell of BO within minutes of putting these on - his body heat releases the dormant BO smell.

Washing clothes - experiment to see what he likes, but you may need to use a good quality fabric softener. Also, experiment to find what fabrics he prefers.

A problem I STILL have with difficult child 3 - he likes his clothes to smell familiar. We've finally got him off clothes with strong BO smell, but there is another, purely male smell which he recognises as his own and he doesn't like it washed away. He gets cranky with me when I raid his room and wash hid linen and pyjamas. "You've washed my smell away! They don't smell right, now!"
But I pointed out that they will have that smell back within minutes of being put on his clean, deodorised body. And they do.

Keeping a pack of baby wipe-type of wet washcloths is good - I've sometimes handed one to the back of the car and said, "Clean yourself, especially the armpits. You are not getting out of this car until you smell clean!"

I'm a non-smoker with bad eyesight, which means my sense of smell is legendary in the family. I also dabble in herbs and aromatherapy, which has honed my sense of smell even more. So no kid can tell me if he's washed and get away with it if he hasn't. difficult child 3 comes out of the bathroom with wet hair - I can send him back to wash it properly, when I can smell (even through the body gel, bubble bath etc) that he hasn't. And they know it.

Maybe that's why none of my kids has taken up smoking - they know they wouldn't be able to hide it from me. I can tell if someone has just been around smokers, or has actually had a go themselves. I know if someone is a problem drinker. I even know WHAT they have been drinking.

So if my sense of smell is that sensitive, why should I think my kids aren't like that too?

Texture is also important. we've found soft t-shirt jersey is best with the boys. Sometimes they like the satiny polyester fabrics but these don't breathe. Scratchy clothing labels often have to be unpicked (never just cut them out) and often a plain cotton drill is the worst, unless it's second-hand.

If you can re-train his sense of smell to weed out the problems instead of being drawn to them, it may help. Finding a way to turn him off BO and turn him on to a healthy body smell may be a start. Girls LOVE that sexy pheromone smell of a clean, musky male. But BO masks it and kills the romance.

I hope this can help in some way.

Marg
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Thanks you all again, and Meg thanks for taking so much time. I will look into the possibilities...lol. Problem with daughter is that she is a "rule follower." If it doesn't say "for hair" then she worries that her peers will think she's a "geek" for putting something in her hair that doesn't belong there. So I'm going to buy hair products that are essentially baby oil...lol. My oldest daughter, who is a beautician, told me that lots and lots of AA performers use Vasoline! I could never get Nicole to put Vaseline in her hair, but I'm sure they have Vasoline in a little jar with a different name...lol. Nicole is at that age when she doesn't want to do anything to make her friends not think she's cool. She's very into "cool"...lol.
 
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