heading into fourth week of this episode...

[lonelyroad]

Grade 8 daughter has been in the school, but not class for three weeks, she hides in the office and no students know she is there....
Things need to change, big meeting at the school on Wednesday.
They are going to start having her help in the kindergarten rooms...reading to the kids, trying to start having her interact with kids again, and little kids always love her...
Her teacher will come down every day for 20 minutes and go over the math.
She wll be given assignments to hand in so they can give her marks for this year, my A student will pass, but the marks will be low as they wont have all assignments..

They want to talk to her class and tell them that she is in the school and they may start seeing her in the classrooms, but not to overwhelm her...many kids have messaged her, she won't answer..

She has been in this class of kids for 10 years..and refuses to let them know what's going on, some of the girls are quite upset...but none of them has actually called our house or knocked on the door..

So we march on, and I truly see nothing getting any better, she is petrified of high school, she is going to miss her Grad, school trip, everything..

Plus to top it off, she is in French Immersion, has done awesome in this program, but now theyy are going to give all her assignments in English, as no one in the office can help her in french.

The school has been awesome.

 

[buddy]

For the meeting Wed will they discuss getting her on an IEP? They may be being sweet to her but she could have many more services from them than this. She has a legitimate disability and is the exact kind of kid the system was made for so she can't be just tucked away without expert help from trained emotional disorder teachers. I will keep a good thought for you and your meeting. You must be very disheartened. You can always write that letter requesting an assessment for Special Education. Even if you decide against it, at least then if you do need it the process/time line has started.

 

[lonelyroad]

Hi buddy, the IEP has been started...during her last episode they started setting it up, so it would be in place the very first day of high school...the only accomadation is that she can have longer deadlines, which up til right now, she has never needed...

My husband thinks they should just force her into class, make her stay...that's great having a child who is 5 feet 7inches, crying in front of her peers....

The school has been good, becuase til this time she was in the ffice for a week, then when back to class and always caught up in a few days...this is all new, so they are trying...plus beleive it or not, in our area, having this type of illness isn't usual..

 

[BusynMember]

Does she have a diagnosis? Is she in counseling? I would NOT force her into class if it scares her that much. I would try to find out why and accommodate her. Is husband her biological father?

I'm glad you found us The more info we have on your daughter, the more we can help. Can you give us a history? You may want to do a signature, like the one I did below.

 

[lonelyroad]

@MidwestMom, I posted somewhere the info, lol....I think in this forum last week...I just got her to agree to a long walk, so I will post later, BUT yes he is her real father...he doesn't beleive in any of this stuff, but realized we needed help, he refuses to go to counselling with us..

His mother comitted suicide, after being heavily medicated for years....I am no longer making excuses for him, he is how he is and I know he is wrong, so refuse to defend him anymore, lol..

 

[buddy]

Hi buddy, the IEP has been started...during her last episode they started setting it up, so it would be in place the very first day of high school...the only accomadation is that she can have longer deadlines, which up til right now, she has never needed...

My husband thinks they should just force her into class, make her stay...that's great having a child who is 5 feet 7inches, crying in front of her peers....

The school has been good, becuase til this time she was in the ffice for a week, then when back to class and always caught up in a few days...this is all new, so they are trying...plus beleive it or not, in our area, having this type of illness isn't usual..

Well, do you know YOU are an equal part of the team? We can help brain storm ideas for goals, objectives and accommodations if you like? Just start a thread saying Ideas needed for Emotional Disorder IEP and then after you sort through what is suggested, you pick and type up what you expect on it. Bring it to the meeting and pass it around. Give it to them in writing so it does not get reworded without your permission.

Up to you but you will be SHOCKED at the amazing ideas people here have! (maybe not, you have already seen what I have found, so many good folks here)

 

[buddy]

Also, not sure what is up on Wed. but please do not sign anything at the meeting even if they ask (except an attendance sheet, that is fine to sign) ...any assessment reports, proposed IEP etc... just say (they will be used to this it is what is expected but they may TRY) you need time to review it to make sure that you fully understand and have no further ideas to add. Make sure you do offer corrections and additions if needed. This is a collaborative document. You are vital to the creation of this IEP. IF your daughter has any ideas for what may help her (breaks every hour for ten minutes to meditate or whatever.... some kids need a pass that they carry with them and can be used without the teacher being allowed to say NO, so if she needs a panic attack exit strategy she can just show the pass and leave. Always good to negotiate the number of times it can be used/how long she can be gone without going to a safe adult...so if she needs more than a short break, she can have a place to go (the ED resource room or a counselor or the psychiatric etc....) and be reinforced for using her tools.

 

[susiestar]

She sounds so scared and overwhelmed by everything. I hoep the IEP gives her a LOT more than extra time on assignments. She needs much much more.
Has she had an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation for sensory issues? An evaluation for Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) issues including auditory ones? Seen a neuropsychologist for testing? There is SOMethING serious going on and she needs a LOT of help. Your husband is totally wrong. ALL that forcing her would accomplish is to make the anxiety and problems worse, not make it easier for her to go to class. Plus she would get teased a lot over this, and that helps nothing. I really hope that you can figure out what is going on and find the right therapies and help for her. I suggested the Occupational Therapist (OT) and Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluations because those can make a lot of things just totally overwhelming and the therapy can make it far easier to cope.

 

[soapbox]

Ditto on the Occupational Therapist (OT) and Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) evaluations.

Depression and anxiety are frequently secondary dxes in kids... rather than primary. The problem isn't that she is anxious or depressed... although that IS a problem. The real problem can be a wide range of other things. And until you can find and address these hidden, underlying issues, you will not succeed in treating the anxiety and.or depression.

We went through that. For way too many years.

Minor motor skills issues, and any sensory issues, can put a kid totally out of kilter. And school makes HUGE demands on motor skills, and is an atmosphere that tends to generate sensory overload. Even just KNOWING that you have the problem, really helps the kid. When they say "I can't" and the teacher says "You just have to try harder"... what if the kid is right? But without testing and reports, there's no way for the kid - or even the parent - to get much success pushing back at school.

Auditory issues are even bigger. These almost drove our whole family to insanity. difficult child has a less-common Auditory Processing Disorders (APD) - one that they didn't even test for around here until a couple of years ago. And... it's so bad that he spends all his mental energy just trying to pick out the words the teacher is saying, and not getting anywhere trying to follow the meaning... and then would get in huge trouble for "not paying attention". His problem is "auditory figure ground" - he processes verbal language just fine, and his hearing is normal - but he can't "hear" when there is background noise... and classrooms have LOTS of background noise of the worst kind (paper rustling, pencil sharpeners, scratch of pencil on paper, the heating system... and that's just "legitimate" noise... )

Occupational Therapist (OT) and Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) testing can be done independently of any comprehensive evaluation. And if they are done first, the person doing the comprenehive evaluation will encorporate these findings into the overall picture, so you win both ways.

Occupational Therapist (OT) - for both motor skills and sensory issues
Speech Language Pathologist (SLP) - for auditory processing, especially the ones not related to language processing.

 

[StressedM0mma]

Sorry I didn't get to this message sooner. We were out of town for the Holiday.

As much as your husband wants to just force to into class, it just won't work. I know first hand. I tried it with my difficult child, and it backfired on us. All you need is for her to pass grade 9. She can still graduate on time. It took me months to come to the conclusion that the child I knew previously is on a probability gone, and the "new" child I have is a wonderful girl, just with different goals. And, it is OK that she is no longer 1st in her class, heck right now she isn't in the top 50%.

I am not saying that your daughter is the same, but she sounds so similar to my difficult child. I am so sorry that her anxiety is so over the top right now. I so wish that there were some places that you could go to get her some inpatient help. I really feel that could be a turning point for her.

I hope that the school can figure out a way to make her feel comfortable and she will come out of this episode soon.

 

[BusynMember]

Daughter's birthmother history is pretty intense. She most likely inherited some of BM's problems and often stuff like mood disorders and phobias come out in all their glory during the teen years. Mine hit me hard at 13, just after I'd gotten my period. Hormones kicking it up?

I would take her for a neuropsychologist evaluation, but also to a psychiatrist. She is obviously suffering greatly from anxiety and she needs some relief. You simply can not function if your anxiety level is too high. Sometimes you get so filled with anxiety that you can't even leave the house, let alone go to school. I believe she is afraid to go to class and would not force her. Find out more about what is going on, maybe see if psychiatrist wants to give her medication, and work with a therapist and an IEP to see what is helpful for this frightened child. Poor kid :<