I am new here. I have a problems typing these words it sounds like wingeing and I hate wingeing. But there are some facts and if I don't lace them with self-pitying emotions I should be able to write them. I do not have such terrible circumstances as some of the people I have read on this site. I do truly honour your trials, parents. But anyway, here's what is. My son is 20, he lives in another city, about 7 hours drive from home. He left here 2 years ago to go to university there. He dropped out before the end of term 1 because he thought it the course wasn't what he wanted to do and quickly got a desk job, not spectacularly well-paid but a good job. he organised himself into an apartment with a friend and some other people. This all sounds reasonable and he did handle it ok but it was pretty stressful working out how to support himself by himself in a new city only just turned 18. Things soon went really sour at the apartment and he found the work very stressful (it was!). He spent more time on the phone talking to me about what to do about this and about that. But he became blacker and more and more angry. Really reactive and strung out. Yes he was smoking weed, I think quite a bit. But kept getting up and going to work all the way through it which I was really proud of. I will skip all the rest of the two years up to late last year except to note that it has been one long list of dreadful sets of circumstances that he has to have an enormous battle in....He has called me through every one. Throughout it all he has stayed blackly depressed and angry. He is now unemployed and about to have nowhere to live. he is enrolled to start university this year again but I have the strong feeling that he isn't going to be able to manage to go. My mother died in November last year. Since then I have had some health issues. I feel that my worry about my son is making those issues worse. I am taking on his blackness. Seems there is nothing I can do to help him. He acknowledges that he has a depression but reckons he can make it go away (if this and this and this and this happens...) To his credit, he has stopped smoking marijuana because he sees that makes it worse. But I have talked to him about going to talk to a doctor but he refuses. But I honestly don't think he is going to improve --In fact things are shortly going to get a lot worse -- without medical intervention. I have read in this forum about detachment. I understand that this is what I have to do. I would like to understand more about the mechanics of it. He and I are very close and he would not want me to be hurting. He would understand although be devastated -- I would need to explain what I am doing in withdrawing a bit I think?? How do you restrain the huge empathic strength of feeling when you are talking with the person? I don't want to cut myself off. How do I keep suggesting that he seek help -- is this over-involved. I read someone somewhere here suggest we should insist on therapy and medications as a condition for our continued assistance. Is this over-involved? Just don't understand the boundaries here. Thank you very much for reading and in advance for any thoughts you might have.