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Parent Emeritus
Healthy perspective on relating to our adult kids
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 629747" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>Cedar sometimes I come to a place where I think back to where I was when I was some of these kids ages. Now at 20, yeah, I was still somewhat leaning and depending on my parents because of some really bad choices I had made. I had some help there. I ended up getting pregnant the summer I was 18 to a guy I hardly knew because my mom moved him into my bedroom on the theory that all I needed to get over being raped was a good piece of ...well you get the idea. I was raped in June and pregnant the end of July. I married that idiot in November and he was a real piece of work. Abusive, idiotic, a real difficult child. I got up the nerve to throw him out after about a year. </p><p></p><p>But by the time I was 22/23, I was living with Tony and I wasnt asking my parents for anything except maybe some emotional support. I didnt get much of that until I proved myself worthy either. </p><p></p><p>At 27, 30, or heaven forbid 40, it would have never crossed my mind to call my father and complain to him about my problems in life. Now that is not to say he never helped me out...he did. He gave us his used cars when he was buying new ones. He kept cars a long time so he would have only gotten a token amount on trade in so he didnt mind passing them down and we so appreciated it. One time he bought me a washing machine when mine died. I paid him back. (He sent me the money back...lol) </p><p></p><p>However, I never told my dad that I had bipolar. I never told him I was dxd with fibro. I never told him of any bad things except he did know about Cory. Both he and my step-mom supported us completely in whatever we did but that didnt include money...just emotional support. </p><p></p><p>I never called my dad to complain about my sex life or ask about relationship advice. As far as he knew Tony and I had the best relationship this side of Texas. I wanted him to think the best of us and to think we were strong, capable people. After all the garbage I put him through as a child, I didnt want to worry him anymore. Maybe I shouldnt have kept so much from him but Im glad I did. </p><p></p><p>My kids are so not like I was. I know far too much about their lives.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 629747, member: 1514"] Cedar sometimes I come to a place where I think back to where I was when I was some of these kids ages. Now at 20, yeah, I was still somewhat leaning and depending on my parents because of some really bad choices I had made. I had some help there. I ended up getting pregnant the summer I was 18 to a guy I hardly knew because my mom moved him into my bedroom on the theory that all I needed to get over being raped was a good piece of ...well you get the idea. I was raped in June and pregnant the end of July. I married that idiot in November and he was a real piece of work. Abusive, idiotic, a real difficult child. I got up the nerve to throw him out after about a year. But by the time I was 22/23, I was living with Tony and I wasnt asking my parents for anything except maybe some emotional support. I didnt get much of that until I proved myself worthy either. At 27, 30, or heaven forbid 40, it would have never crossed my mind to call my father and complain to him about my problems in life. Now that is not to say he never helped me out...he did. He gave us his used cars when he was buying new ones. He kept cars a long time so he would have only gotten a token amount on trade in so he didnt mind passing them down and we so appreciated it. One time he bought me a washing machine when mine died. I paid him back. (He sent me the money back...lol) However, I never told my dad that I had bipolar. I never told him I was dxd with fibro. I never told him of any bad things except he did know about Cory. Both he and my step-mom supported us completely in whatever we did but that didnt include money...just emotional support. I never called my dad to complain about my sex life or ask about relationship advice. As far as he knew Tony and I had the best relationship this side of Texas. I wanted him to think the best of us and to think we were strong, capable people. After all the garbage I put him through as a child, I didnt want to worry him anymore. Maybe I shouldnt have kept so much from him but Im glad I did. My kids are so not like I was. I know far too much about their lives. [/QUOTE]
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