Heard from difficult child....finally.....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by PatriotsGirl, Dec 8, 2011.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    No phone call around my birthday, no phone call around Thanksgiving, and no phone call this time, either. I received a text asking if I could assign her or "Mike" as an authorized user on our cell account so that she can go get a new SIM card. Um, gee, nice to hear from you? How about a "hi mom, sorry I have been out of touch"? Nope. Just a request. I ask her who "Mike" is and she says her boyfriend and he is an insurance broker. I asked her when that happened and she said a couple weeks before Thanksgiving (explains why I haven't heard from her...life must be A OK right now in her mind). She tells me where she is living and that she is working at Taco Bell there (hasn't given many details on that - I asked her when she started there, what are her hours, etc. no responses. I ask myself but why would she lie about it for no reason? Then I answer myself, she is a difficult child!!!) So I ask her about bartending school and she says she went and took the exam, passed but she is not pursuing. I asked her why not and she tells me that "Mike" doesn't want her to. Um, excuse me, huh??? Since when does she listen to well, anyone???? So, this is concerning but.....maybe he is really looking out for her best interests and doesn't want her working in that type of environment. I don't know. I don't know anything about this man. I do know that she rarely ever has a boyfriend. She seems happy? Maybe this could be what turns things around for her....but I am not holding my breath.

    She is still not telling me many details about anything and since she is an adult, I shouldn't stress myself out about it. I wish her the best, I am always here for her, I will always love her but I am so done being on this roller coaster. And at the same time, I seem to be immersed in this new communication and can't stop texting her questions that she is not answering. I NEED TO DETACH!!!!!!!!!

    I am going to go let Calgon take me away.....lol.....just needed to vent first.......lol.
  2. Elsieshaye

    Elsieshaye Member

    So, what did you tell her about being an authorized user (on the cell phone account)? (Can I just say, the phrase "authorized user" in the context of our difficult children makes me giggle a little. Blame it on the shell-shock...)
  3. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    I told her no way....lol. I did say I would pick up another sim card next time I am around a T-Mobile store. I have to go to the mall to get a necklace for my office holiday party tomorrow night (can't wait!!!! the party is on top of the Hilton downtown and husband and I are staying in the hotel so we don't have to drive anywhere!!). Told her if she wanted it, she could meet me at the mall and we can go into the store, but only because it is a convenient time for me I will already be there. I am certainly not going out of my way to get one to her and I absolutely positively will NOT provide a phone.
  4. Elsieshaye

    Elsieshaye Member

    Good on you! Have a wonderful time at the party!!
  5. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I don't believe a word of what she said. Even 'Mike' might not be real. But, she is doing her thing and not requiring you to provide, so that is all good.

    Good job on the phone issue! Perfect solution!
  6. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Me, neither but we shall see. Seems she is going to meet me at the mall tonight....wonder if she will have "Mike" with her.....but exactly, all she is asking of me is a sim card which is free anyway and her contract doesn't expire until 10/2012.

    Uh wait, she just texted back saying she needs it sooner than that. Sorry, babe, I am working.
  7. DrPepper

    DrPepper New Member

    It would bother me a great deal if my daughter was seeing someone and I didn't know anything about him. It would also bother and offend me if I didn't hear from any of my kids (difficult child included) for a long stretch of time. It's only natural you would be curious and worry even if she's not relying on you. Although I don't know your daughter's whole story, funny that she would ask you to name a complete stranger as an authorized user on your account. Seriously?!#$@

    Have a wonderful time at your holiday party, make it about YOU!!!
  8. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Whew/phew glad you did not make her an authorized user. difficult child tried to pulll that one on me too when she was living with her druggie friend. I said no way, if she wanted to do something on the account she could set up her own account and take it off our family plan and pay for it herself. You don't need to be an authorized user to buy a sim card, just go in and buy it.

  9. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Oh it gets better - she is trying to peddle her boyfriend's tvs and coputer monitors. Sending me pictures and prices asking if I know anyone interested. At first I said I would like to look at a monitor they were selling for 30 bucks and then the price jumped to a 100 bucks and I thought it may be stolen stuff so I told her I was no longer interested and she comes back with how about 50 bucks. Seriously????

    Told her straight out - "I will tell you what you are doing wrong because if I don't, how will you ever learn? You have not contacted me in over a month. My birthday went by, Thanksgiving went by with out a word from you. Now you contact me because you want something. No hi mom, how are you, sorry I have been MIA. Nope, just want something from me and to hustle your boyfriend's things. Not cool."

    She is making detaching soooo much easier.....
  10. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Yeah, as an authorized user she could upgrade her phone and extend the plan all on my bill. NO WAY. Momma ain't dumb. :)
  11. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Oh and it just keeps coming:

    No response on what I wrote about how she contacted me. Nope. Sends a text saying her boyfriend is mad at her because he told her to sell it to me for $30. So she decided to hustle me up to a $100!!! Unbelievable! She claims she needed money for his Christmas gift. Oh so that makes it okay to try to hustle your mother? She is a piece of work. Then she calls me all nice on the phone needing her GED info for an interview she has at Subway tomorrow. Told her I thought she worked at Taco Bell and she says, "I do, but I have an interview for another job and applied at Ulta, too." Uh yeah sure. So I gave her the information and said good bye....so much for the peace I was having....
  12. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    Oh geeze PG, no words just hugs and I hope you and husband have a blast at your party !!!!!!!
  13. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If he's an insurance broker why does he have to sell his equipment? Doesn't make sense does it?

  14. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Nope and why need a sim card? Does he not have a cell plan he could put her on? I am right back on this roller coaster and I am dying to get off again. I have enough stress right now without her adding to it. Sometimes the distance and silence is a blessing. I have a need to know she is alive but don't need all this. I keep hoping a switch has gone off and she and I can have a relationship and this....she finally sent an apology after I told her I am seeing the person she is growing up to be and I am not impressed. Ugh. So not impressed.
  15. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I was wondering why an insurance broker needed to have her ask you to have him be put on YOUR account...but was wondering if you had noticed that...lol.
  16. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    She did end up meeting me at the mall. She looked great - fantastic really. She was smiling ear to ear and just seemed sooo happy. I don't know when the last time was that I actually saw her so happy. She had a room mate with her and she talked about Mike being home and he talked about Mike and life at the house - how him and difficult child share the cooking and cleaning tasks, etc. so I think she is telling the truth about that. She gave me a lot of hugs and was actually really nice. She told me I looked great even though I came out dressed like a bum with no make up and hair not done...lol. I think there is a really great kid underneath the difficult child koi. I think she is really growing up in some ways but that hustler difficult child is still in there....mom didn't fall for it and I held my boundaries. I got her the SIM card and she was very thankful and didn't ask for anything else. She wants to be making money, though (took long enough!!!). She was talking about her interview at Subway this morning and she was really excited about it. Hope she is telling the truth, but again, she is not asking me to provide anything so I think I am going to enjoy this moment and enjoy the memory of a great visit last night. Anything she does is none of my business anymore anyway. But it sure was great to see her and hug her and tell her I love her!
  17. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Oh PG I am glad you had a nice visit.... you know I think really we often see several sides to our difficult child. And just because they can be awful or totally cons... it doesn't mean that those positive sides we see aren't real also. I think with my difficult child there really is a part of him that wants to do well, that does care about things, that is sincerely trying to get better... and then there is that other side.

    So enjoy this good side for now... knowing that at some point you will probably see the other side again.

  18. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I think that's so important to remember, that our difficult child's often do have a positive side and we should celebrate that side of them. The dark side often takes over because of the shere destructiveness but I think that is why we get so hopeful when we see the person they really can be underneath all the other drama. I'm glad you had a nice visit. I'm sure your mommy heart feels a bit better seeing her happy and well.

  19. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I think this is what makes it hard sometimes. If all I ever saw was my difficult children dark side then it would be much easier to just walk away forever....and there have been times when that is mostly what I see and those are the times when i became committed to not putting up with his abuse and to stop enabling him.

    But I do see that positive side of him here and there to keep me from completely and totally giving up on him. I know it is in there and I do feel better when i see those sides becuase then I know there is hope for him.

  20. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I agree TL.