Heard from son today...

[toughlovin]

Hi all,

Well I have been just waiting it out wondering how long I would have to wait until I heard from him. So today I get a text msg "could really use that bike about now"!!! Is he kidding me? We had originally told him we would give him a sears card for clothes and my dad would pay for an inexpensive bike for Xmas. Well there is no way we are giving him any of that until he gets his life back on track...

I had not heard anything from him since Thurs and have had no idea where he is or what he is doing since then? Can you say worried mama?? So I calmly texted him back "What is going on?
We have no idea where you are or what yo are doing?"

So then he texts me "Ive been on the beach and to the store and the beach and the store. Its a 3 mile trip each way. Can I go to Sears and get a bike?"


I said "No you need to figure out what you are going to do to get back on track...we aren't giving you money or a bike until you do that"

So then he said he is doing that. They said he needs to stay out of the sober house and tx for a week and then he can go back!!!!!

I told him that was good and asked a couple of more questions and have not heard back from him. I think he realizes I am not getting him a bike and so he is quiet again!!

However I like this place! I think making him somehow live on his own, on the beach for a week, to find out how hard his choices really are is a brilliant idea. Then let him come back and give him a chance to turn it around. I think that is good. Of course he wants me to make it easier so he doesn't have to walk 6 miles round trip to the store!!!..... Well poor baby, the exercise is good for him and not outrageous given he doesn't have anything else to do right now. I do now want to make this week easy on him!!!I want it to be hard and for him to have to work hard to make it through so he will want a better life than his choices have been giving him.

Of course I worry about him being homeless, on the beach for a week.... but at least he has a goal and knows he can do something about his situation... which will motivate him.

So I am still worried but less so.... and hopefully he will get through this.

TL

 

[Nancy]

I'm glad he contacted you and mostly glad you said no to the bike. He would get that bike and ride it who knows where. If he's going back to the sober house he doesn't need it, he can get by for a few more days. It's interesting that he stays in contact with you, sooner or later he will get the message that you will only support his recovery.

Thinking of you and glad you can sleep a little better tonight.

Nancy

 

[Kathy813]

Good job, TL! Sounds like he is thinking things over. I'll keep my fingers crossed that he decides he doesn't want to live this way.

 

[rejectedmom]

I am glad he got in touch and also glad you are standing your ground. Sleep well!

 

[buddy]

Glad you heard from him. sounds like you are doing amazing, must be tough though. Thinking of you.

 

[toughlovin]

I got this panicked feeling just now of what if he doesn't make it til Friday??? I mean he could get arrested for something stupid.... but I guess that is kind of the test for him isn't it? He has to hold it together enough to survive on his own to get back into the sober house iwthout getting into trouble. If he wants it bad enough he can do it. I have to stay calm and not panic......

TL

 

[Nancy]

He's a survivor TL. This is a good test to see how serious he is. Can you call the sober house to see if they have told him he can come back or don't you want to do that?

Nancy

 

[toughlovin]

I dont think i will do that yet. I think they should check withbus beforenhe goes back to make sure we will pay for it. Thanks for reminding me he is a survivor and if gets arrested then thats what needs to happen.

TL

 

[pinevalley]

Good job Toughlovin! Just keep reminding yourself that your son is a survivor, and both you and your son will make it through this week. You are teaching your son a valuable lesson by not making his life easy this week. Keep strong!

 

[susiestar]

Proud of you!!! You are doing all the right things. NO WAY should you make this easy on him!!! Gee, he is out and living on the beach with no place to lock things up so you should send let him go buy a new bike at sears? Talk about stinkin' thinkin'! How long would that bike last before it was stolen or sold for something? Where would difficult child lock a bike up if you gave in to him?

I especially applaud your thinking that the sober house should call you if/when difficult child is ready/able to return, rather than you calling them to make arrangement if if if. That is an AWESOME change in thinking for you!!!!!!! Be PROUD of yourself that you are putting the work and effort onto the shoulders where they belong. Maintaining sobriety is difficult child's job, not yours. So is making arrangements to pay for the sober house.