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Heartbroke Mother
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 630210" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I wish I had answers.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is now a teenager and maybe dad is more lenient with her? You say he buys her things. That should not count, but with teens it can make them think the parent is "cool." Often teens prefer to live with the more lenient parent. If he is badmouthing you, and she believes it, there is nothing you can do about it except go to court to make sure he drops her off when it is YOUR legal parenting time and show her just how much you do love her. I know a few women who had this situation and made the mistake of giving in, not fighting for their legal rights to see their teens, and now have no real relationship with them. Who ihas residential custody? What is your legal arrangement? Your ex has to follow it or he can be found in contempt.</p><p></p><p>Other than that, your daughter is your ex's soul focus...it is hard to compete with that, sadly. This is not that uncommon. It is a very sad consequence of divorce at times and all you can do is enforce your legal rights to have your daughter with you when she is supposed to be there. Maybe take her for a walk or out for coffee/cappucino and try to talk to her in a caring way about the two of you, leaving Dad out of it, which will just alienate her. This is about you and her and she loves her father, as she should. But you can maybe try working on the two of you and restoring some of what you had. Counseling between you two may help too.</p><p></p><p>Don't expect a teen to care about your inconvenience. She's a teen. And when you talk to her don't bring Dad up. If she tries to say, "Honey, this is a talk where you and I can work out our problems. This isn't about Dad at all." Even if it is, it is not a good idea to bad mouth him or to make her feel she is choosing who to stick up for in this discussion. Keep in simple...herself and you and how she feels you two can get closer again. Even though you are dying to tell her that hr father is not acting in her best interests, refrain. That will only make her angry at you. Again, keep it about you two. You may not "win" or get what you want from her, at least not right away, but you can keep trying these mom/daughter talks (excluding badmouthing Dad). Yes, he will still badmouth you, but you won't gain any brownie points with her by doing the same since s he is clearly tight with him right now and, really, he shouldn't be doing it, but you can't control him.</p><p></p><p>Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 630210, member: 1550"] I wish I had answers. Your daughter is now a teenager and maybe dad is more lenient with her? You say he buys her things. That should not count, but with teens it can make them think the parent is "cool." Often teens prefer to live with the more lenient parent. If he is badmouthing you, and she believes it, there is nothing you can do about it except go to court to make sure he drops her off when it is YOUR legal parenting time and show her just how much you do love her. I know a few women who had this situation and made the mistake of giving in, not fighting for their legal rights to see their teens, and now have no real relationship with them. Who ihas residential custody? What is your legal arrangement? Your ex has to follow it or he can be found in contempt. Other than that, your daughter is your ex's soul focus...it is hard to compete with that, sadly. This is not that uncommon. It is a very sad consequence of divorce at times and all you can do is enforce your legal rights to have your daughter with you when she is supposed to be there. Maybe take her for a walk or out for coffee/cappucino and try to talk to her in a caring way about the two of you, leaving Dad out of it, which will just alienate her. This is about you and her and she loves her father, as she should. But you can maybe try working on the two of you and restoring some of what you had. Counseling between you two may help too. Don't expect a teen to care about your inconvenience. She's a teen. And when you talk to her don't bring Dad up. If she tries to say, "Honey, this is a talk where you and I can work out our problems. This isn't about Dad at all." Even if it is, it is not a good idea to bad mouth him or to make her feel she is choosing who to stick up for in this discussion. Keep in simple...herself and you and how she feels you two can get closer again. Even though you are dying to tell her that hr father is not acting in her best interests, refrain. That will only make her angry at you. Again, keep it about you two. You may not "win" or get what you want from her, at least not right away, but you can keep trying these mom/daughter talks (excluding badmouthing Dad). Yes, he will still badmouth you, but you won't gain any brownie points with her by doing the same since s he is clearly tight with him right now and, really, he shouldn't be doing it, but you can't control him. Hugs for your hurting mommy heart. [/QUOTE]
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