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heartbroken over son's worsening state
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<blockquote data-quote="karisma" data-source="post: 689392" data-attributes="member: 20391"><p>Thank you all so very much for all your wonderful words. I have been reading this site non-stop and find everyone's stories and advice very very helpful.</p><p>I have my appointment with psychiatric nurse today. I quit taking a drug that makes me very heavy to try to lose some of the weight I had gained. So it's time to try something new and see what kind of therapy I can get through them. I am completely open to trying anything. </p><p>He has been living this way for two years. I ought to be used to it. The thing that pushes me into worrying again is the heat. It hurts me to see him so sunburned. I do not have a clue where he sleeps. He will tell me nothing. he always tells me he is fine and not to worry. I do my best to hide my feelings around him, acting quite nonchalant about his self iimposed situation. He says he refuses help because if he is labeled mentally ill then his work on quantum physics stuff that he is always doing will never be taken seriously. But the real reason is that he has no idea he is even ill. For the longest time I felt it was my duty to make him see this. He knew he was bipolar all his life then turned 18 and no more medications and he started saying he was never bipolar and it was all misdiagnosed. Eventually I stopped trying to make him see it because it just caused him to become so upset. We had a violent relationship for years and now we are good so I've pretty much accepted that he wants to live this way and he might die from it. The heat kills these poor souls out here. He says the last two years have been the most peaceful of his life. He also lies to me so I won't worry. He's very sweet like that at times. Mostly the time we are together is spent in silence. This is fine. I just enjoy seeing him alive and feeding him. Sometimes he's talkative about what hes working on. Sometimes he is high on drugs. Mostly not though. He would use all the time if he could.</p><p>I know there is nothing I can do except try to do right for us both which involves me taking care of myself so I can be there for him later. They have me a drug called Latuda. It involves things like leaving him in jail this time so he can suffer and learn by his suffering. He has told me before that he only changes if he suffers. So hopefully he will learn to go to court or not break any laws.</p><p>And yes somewhere inside that part of me that says oh please g_d let me take his pain of only he could be ok and I will suffer forever in his place. That is the last thing he would ever want.</p><p>Anyhow I am happy to meet everyone and my experience here with all of you helps me tremendously. Many hugs and warm thoughts to you all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="karisma, post: 689392, member: 20391"] Thank you all so very much for all your wonderful words. I have been reading this site non-stop and find everyone's stories and advice very very helpful. I have my appointment with psychiatric nurse today. I quit taking a drug that makes me very heavy to try to lose some of the weight I had gained. So it's time to try something new and see what kind of therapy I can get through them. I am completely open to trying anything. He has been living this way for two years. I ought to be used to it. The thing that pushes me into worrying again is the heat. It hurts me to see him so sunburned. I do not have a clue where he sleeps. He will tell me nothing. he always tells me he is fine and not to worry. I do my best to hide my feelings around him, acting quite nonchalant about his self iimposed situation. He says he refuses help because if he is labeled mentally ill then his work on quantum physics stuff that he is always doing will never be taken seriously. But the real reason is that he has no idea he is even ill. For the longest time I felt it was my duty to make him see this. He knew he was bipolar all his life then turned 18 and no more medications and he started saying he was never bipolar and it was all misdiagnosed. Eventually I stopped trying to make him see it because it just caused him to become so upset. We had a violent relationship for years and now we are good so I've pretty much accepted that he wants to live this way and he might die from it. The heat kills these poor souls out here. He says the last two years have been the most peaceful of his life. He also lies to me so I won't worry. He's very sweet like that at times. Mostly the time we are together is spent in silence. This is fine. I just enjoy seeing him alive and feeding him. Sometimes he's talkative about what hes working on. Sometimes he is high on drugs. Mostly not though. He would use all the time if he could. I know there is nothing I can do except try to do right for us both which involves me taking care of myself so I can be there for him later. They have me a drug called Latuda. It involves things like leaving him in jail this time so he can suffer and learn by his suffering. He has told me before that he only changes if he suffers. So hopefully he will learn to go to court or not break any laws. And yes somewhere inside that part of me that says oh please g_d let me take his pain of only he could be ok and I will suffer forever in his place. That is the last thing he would ever want. Anyhow I am happy to meet everyone and my experience here with all of you helps me tremendously. Many hugs and warm thoughts to you all. [/QUOTE]
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