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heartbroken over son's worsening state
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<blockquote data-quote="karisma" data-source="post: 690032" data-attributes="member: 20391"><p>Savior, thank you for your reply. I can't quote from my phone but I love what you said about perception and faith in the universe.</p><p>He was released friday. He expressed interest in getting his SSI and said He would let me come with him to next court date and tell them he's mentally ill. This is progress somewhat. Its also just words. I have found out that he is going to have 8 felony drug charges. He is on pretrial services and going to be on an ankle monitor. He is as sad and disturbed as he has ever been. It hurts me so much because I don't think he can comply with the conditions, so he will very likely be going back. I would rather him be homeless in this heat than see him locked up in the worst county jail in the country. He will go to prison because he won't be able to comply with probation. Drugs are a high priority for him and he is not going to stay clean and pass his UA s. I know im being quite fatalistic and thinking that the worst will happen, but I find with my son that usually what happens is worse than I had even imagined. I am constantly blindsided and then shocked by how I failed to see it coming. I was obsessed by worry about him dying for so many years and never stopped to think that there are worse outcomes than death such as lifelong mental torment and suffering. His life is so hard and he's so sweet and so ill. </p><p>It would be easier to detach if he were meaner or something. I don't know. </p><p>He keeps saying he has to do this on his own. Ok well I will try to advocate for him without his knowledge so he doesn't feel whatever he feels that upsets him so much about my involvement. He knows nothing about the court system and gets so upset when I try to explain. I am as close to petitioning him as I have ever been but I he would just convince them he is the victim of a hysterical mother and then he would lose his trust in me</p><p>On a very positive note though. Right now I got to feed him healthy food and soak him up through my eyes and my heart. It is enough for now to be at peace</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="karisma, post: 690032, member: 20391"] Savior, thank you for your reply. I can't quote from my phone but I love what you said about perception and faith in the universe. He was released friday. He expressed interest in getting his SSI and said He would let me come with him to next court date and tell them he's mentally ill. This is progress somewhat. Its also just words. I have found out that he is going to have 8 felony drug charges. He is on pretrial services and going to be on an ankle monitor. He is as sad and disturbed as he has ever been. It hurts me so much because I don't think he can comply with the conditions, so he will very likely be going back. I would rather him be homeless in this heat than see him locked up in the worst county jail in the country. He will go to prison because he won't be able to comply with probation. Drugs are a high priority for him and he is not going to stay clean and pass his UA s. I know im being quite fatalistic and thinking that the worst will happen, but I find with my son that usually what happens is worse than I had even imagined. I am constantly blindsided and then shocked by how I failed to see it coming. I was obsessed by worry about him dying for so many years and never stopped to think that there are worse outcomes than death such as lifelong mental torment and suffering. His life is so hard and he's so sweet and so ill. It would be easier to detach if he were meaner or something. I don't know. He keeps saying he has to do this on his own. Ok well I will try to advocate for him without his knowledge so he doesn't feel whatever he feels that upsets him so much about my involvement. He knows nothing about the court system and gets so upset when I try to explain. I am as close to petitioning him as I have ever been but I he would just convince them he is the victim of a hysterical mother and then he would lose his trust in me On a very positive note though. Right now I got to feed him healthy food and soak him up through my eyes and my heart. It is enough for now to be at peace [/QUOTE]
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heartbroken over son's worsening state
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