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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 634019" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome life2day. Yours is a sad story, I am so sorry. The others have given you good support, as much as we want to help our adult kids, we are powerless to do so, only they can help themselves. That is a devastating realization for us parents.</p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Detachment is what many of us here attempt to do with our kids, it brings US back to sanity and peace of mind. Trying to change or help, or save, or rescue our kids is crazy making because we have no control over them, it ends up being the definition of insanity, <em>doing the same thing and expecting different results.</em></p><p></p><p>As parents we sure don't want to give up on our kids, we want to help them, but if they are not willing to help themselves, even when they have a mental illness, there is nothing we can do. So, we have to learn new ways to respond, new ways to perceive the whole situation, we have to learn to take care of ourselves, to focus on ourselves and learn what it is we can actually do and what we cannot do anything about and we have to learn to let go. There is a lot to let go of, our guilt, our expectations that won't get met, our dreams for our kids, our beliefs that we SHOULD take care of everything for our kids, our old responses that don't work...........a lot.</p><p></p><p>We're glad you're here. You're facing a lot with your son as we all are here with our kids too. It's a tough road, it helps to post here, it helps to find support for YOU, a therapist, a counselor, a 12 step group or if you haven't already, perhaps contacting NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, they have wonderful courses for parents which will offer you support, guidance, resources and compassion.</p><p></p><p>Take care of yourself life2day. We're here if you need us..........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 634019, member: 13542"] Welcome life2day. Yours is a sad story, I am so sorry. The others have given you good support, as much as we want to help our adult kids, we are powerless to do so, only they can help themselves. That is a devastating realization for us parents. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Detachment is what many of us here attempt to do with our kids, it brings US back to sanity and peace of mind. Trying to change or help, or save, or rescue our kids is crazy making because we have no control over them, it ends up being the definition of insanity, [I]doing the same thing and expecting different results.[/I] As parents we sure don't want to give up on our kids, we want to help them, but if they are not willing to help themselves, even when they have a mental illness, there is nothing we can do. So, we have to learn new ways to respond, new ways to perceive the whole situation, we have to learn to take care of ourselves, to focus on ourselves and learn what it is we can actually do and what we cannot do anything about and we have to learn to let go. There is a lot to let go of, our guilt, our expectations that won't get met, our dreams for our kids, our beliefs that we SHOULD take care of everything for our kids, our old responses that don't work...........a lot. We're glad you're here. You're facing a lot with your son as we all are here with our kids too. It's a tough road, it helps to post here, it helps to find support for YOU, a therapist, a counselor, a 12 step group or if you haven't already, perhaps contacting NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, they have wonderful courses for parents which will offer you support, guidance, resources and compassion. Take care of yourself life2day. We're here if you need us.......... [/QUOTE]
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