Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Helicopter parents.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 658870" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think some of how you choose to raise your kids, and what skills you do and do not teach them, stems from your philosophy of parenting. I have met so many parents who have the goal of being a friend to their child, and of being 'fair' as parents. Their parenting tends to lean toward having the kid in every activity the child wants to be in, even if that means a practice or THREE after school each day and more on the weekend. It wouldn't be 'fair' to make Johnny choose between things. Johnny doesn't have chores because Johnny is never home. The majority of children are either at daycare or some activity until fairly late in the day and they go to a daycare early in the morning before school. Here the daycares do NOT teach skills other than playing well with others.</p><p></p><p>I see parents letting children have every privilege that adults have because it would not be 'fair' for Mommy to have a treat and for little Johnny not to. Never mind that Mommy has just done all the chores and cleaned up Johnny's messes and Johnny hasn't even picked up his toys (often because either no one asked/told him to or because he refused to and it was more than overloaded Mom could handle to force the issue. So they both get the reward when Johnny has done nothing to contribute to the home or to earn the reward. After a lifetime of that, what is the incentive to learn the skills to care for yourself? </p><p></p><p>My mother lost her mom to cancer when she was very young. Her older sisters were already out of the house with their own lives and kids and husbands. Her father did the best he could and got a housekeeper. It was too much work to teach my mom to do the house stuff, so the housekeeper did it for her. Mom worked in the family store and learned the things that men learned - power tools, hardware, that sort of thing. She is really great with home improvement projects and the skills to run a small business because that is what her father did. When she got married though, she felt totally helpless. She couldn't even operate a coffeepot because no one had ever taken the time to show her how. My dad taught her to cook and she became a fabulous one (though she will still deny that!), she learned other household stuff from books because she always believed that if you could find a book on how to do something, then you could do it - no matter WHAT it was, from building a building to raising kids to cleaning toilets. We had more 'how to clean it' books in or house than the library did, and I am NOT joking. I counted once as a teen.</p><p></p><p>I was taught to do all the basic tasks of running a house by the time I was 16 or so. The 'girl' chores and the 'boy' chores. My folks did this with both my bro and I because no child of theirs would EVER be helpless. My peers in school were sometimes horrified because I could fix this or was expected to do that (this and that varied over the years). I had more than one classmate tell me I was being abused by having to do these chores and they would go to child services with me. I usually thought it was about the dumbest and funniest thing I had heard and laughed myself sick over it after politely thanking them and declining their offer. These people were ALL the ones who never had a chore, much less had to pick up after themselves, and I knew that life would bite them on the tushie before long.</p><p></p><p>After going to an out of state college and seeing how many people in my dorm were helpless to do anything (more than a few could not figure out how to make a toaster in the dining hall work - and no, I am NOT joking), I actually sent my parents a thank you note and gift. A gift I paid for with $ from my job, not with their money. It stunned them, and made my mom cry. She had worried for years that she was overdoing the lessons on how to handle your world. And she never really had anyone to ask about it because her mom wasn't there to ask. </p><p></p><p>I refused to raise helpless kids. Having the kids I did made it easier and harder. By 2nd grade, Wiz flat out refused to eat ANYTHING I put in his lunch bag, even things he asked for specifically that morning. He also refused to eat school's hot lunch EVER. So i got an assortment of acceptable lunch options, after speaking with him about what he would eat if he packed his own lunch, and then I made HIM pack his lunch. I never again packed a lunch for Wiz. He also made his own breakfast because I just don't function that well in the morning and he told me it would be better if he did it because I really needed my coffee first and he didn't want to wait. Not a problem for me as he ate the same thing for months on end if given the choice.</p><p></p><p>The other kids just fell into the pattern. They all WANTED to pack their own lunches and at some point in kindergarten or first grade they begged to and I let them. Same for breakfast. They were always so proud that they could do it themselves, and I never wanted to shatter that pride. They had to learn how to run a household, and they each had their own jobs and still do. None of them will EVER be on their own and helpless, becasuse I think that is one of the greatest gifts my parents ever gave me. I feel so sorry for the kids who are raised to be helpless. The other greatest gift is the notion that if I can find instructions in a book, I can do ANYTHING. My folks built a garage when I was in elem school. They didn't have it done, they pounded in the footers for the foundation, they built the walls and the ceiling and put in the wiring. They had a couple of books and a bit of guidance from a friend in construction. That garage is still the nicest one in the neighborhood. I went back to the old neighborhood ten years ago. I met the current owners and saw the house. The wallpaper we hung inside my room is still there and they just love it. They asked if I could put them in touch with the contractor who built the garage because it was so well done and they wanted to do more work on the house. I said yes, but they would not take the job. When I told them my parents built it themselves, pounded in the nails and put on the shingles, etc..., they were amazed. Would my folks consider taking on another job for them? Uh, no, they are close to retirement and live out of state and would be flattered but not interested. The family was very disappointed, but my folks were incredibly flattered.</p><p></p><p>THAT is another gift I tried to give my kids. Not just to not be helpless,but to be able to figure out anything they really want to do and to do it WELL.</p><p></p><p>I feel bad for the kids with helicopter parents and for the parents themselves. They never really get to see how well their kids can really succeed.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 658870, member: 1233"] I think some of how you choose to raise your kids, and what skills you do and do not teach them, stems from your philosophy of parenting. I have met so many parents who have the goal of being a friend to their child, and of being 'fair' as parents. Their parenting tends to lean toward having the kid in every activity the child wants to be in, even if that means a practice or THREE after school each day and more on the weekend. It wouldn't be 'fair' to make Johnny choose between things. Johnny doesn't have chores because Johnny is never home. The majority of children are either at daycare or some activity until fairly late in the day and they go to a daycare early in the morning before school. Here the daycares do NOT teach skills other than playing well with others. I see parents letting children have every privilege that adults have because it would not be 'fair' for Mommy to have a treat and for little Johnny not to. Never mind that Mommy has just done all the chores and cleaned up Johnny's messes and Johnny hasn't even picked up his toys (often because either no one asked/told him to or because he refused to and it was more than overloaded Mom could handle to force the issue. So they both get the reward when Johnny has done nothing to contribute to the home or to earn the reward. After a lifetime of that, what is the incentive to learn the skills to care for yourself? My mother lost her mom to cancer when she was very young. Her older sisters were already out of the house with their own lives and kids and husbands. Her father did the best he could and got a housekeeper. It was too much work to teach my mom to do the house stuff, so the housekeeper did it for her. Mom worked in the family store and learned the things that men learned - power tools, hardware, that sort of thing. She is really great with home improvement projects and the skills to run a small business because that is what her father did. When she got married though, she felt totally helpless. She couldn't even operate a coffeepot because no one had ever taken the time to show her how. My dad taught her to cook and she became a fabulous one (though she will still deny that!), she learned other household stuff from books because she always believed that if you could find a book on how to do something, then you could do it - no matter WHAT it was, from building a building to raising kids to cleaning toilets. We had more 'how to clean it' books in or house than the library did, and I am NOT joking. I counted once as a teen. I was taught to do all the basic tasks of running a house by the time I was 16 or so. The 'girl' chores and the 'boy' chores. My folks did this with both my bro and I because no child of theirs would EVER be helpless. My peers in school were sometimes horrified because I could fix this or was expected to do that (this and that varied over the years). I had more than one classmate tell me I was being abused by having to do these chores and they would go to child services with me. I usually thought it was about the dumbest and funniest thing I had heard and laughed myself sick over it after politely thanking them and declining their offer. These people were ALL the ones who never had a chore, much less had to pick up after themselves, and I knew that life would bite them on the tushie before long. After going to an out of state college and seeing how many people in my dorm were helpless to do anything (more than a few could not figure out how to make a toaster in the dining hall work - and no, I am NOT joking), I actually sent my parents a thank you note and gift. A gift I paid for with $ from my job, not with their money. It stunned them, and made my mom cry. She had worried for years that she was overdoing the lessons on how to handle your world. And she never really had anyone to ask about it because her mom wasn't there to ask. I refused to raise helpless kids. Having the kids I did made it easier and harder. By 2nd grade, Wiz flat out refused to eat ANYTHING I put in his lunch bag, even things he asked for specifically that morning. He also refused to eat school's hot lunch EVER. So i got an assortment of acceptable lunch options, after speaking with him about what he would eat if he packed his own lunch, and then I made HIM pack his lunch. I never again packed a lunch for Wiz. He also made his own breakfast because I just don't function that well in the morning and he told me it would be better if he did it because I really needed my coffee first and he didn't want to wait. Not a problem for me as he ate the same thing for months on end if given the choice. The other kids just fell into the pattern. They all WANTED to pack their own lunches and at some point in kindergarten or first grade they begged to and I let them. Same for breakfast. They were always so proud that they could do it themselves, and I never wanted to shatter that pride. They had to learn how to run a household, and they each had their own jobs and still do. None of them will EVER be on their own and helpless, becasuse I think that is one of the greatest gifts my parents ever gave me. I feel so sorry for the kids who are raised to be helpless. The other greatest gift is the notion that if I can find instructions in a book, I can do ANYTHING. My folks built a garage when I was in elem school. They didn't have it done, they pounded in the footers for the foundation, they built the walls and the ceiling and put in the wiring. They had a couple of books and a bit of guidance from a friend in construction. That garage is still the nicest one in the neighborhood. I went back to the old neighborhood ten years ago. I met the current owners and saw the house. The wallpaper we hung inside my room is still there and they just love it. They asked if I could put them in touch with the contractor who built the garage because it was so well done and they wanted to do more work on the house. I said yes, but they would not take the job. When I told them my parents built it themselves, pounded in the nails and put on the shingles, etc..., they were amazed. Would my folks consider taking on another job for them? Uh, no, they are close to retirement and live out of state and would be flattered but not interested. The family was very disappointed, but my folks were incredibly flattered. THAT is another gift I tried to give my kids. Not just to not be helpless,but to be able to figure out anything they really want to do and to do it WELL. I feel bad for the kids with helicopter parents and for the parents themselves. They never really get to see how well their kids can really succeed. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
Helicopter parents.
Top