Hello again... update on difficult child

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by rejectedmom, Apr 12, 2011.

  1. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I sorry I do not come here often anymore. I find it depressing to have to post negative stuff over and over again. My difficult child just cannot stick with anything and cannot stay out of trouble. It is sad and I find I have become so detached from him that I feel pretty much nothing but anger anymore.

    The current situation is that he is back in jail. He didn't stay in touch with his lawyer and missed his court date for the second time. He knew about the bench warrent that the judge ordered but refused to turn himself in so was picked up over the weekend.

    Then the calls to us started again. Funny how he can go months with no contact but the minute he is cooped up in a cell he wants to pester us with his drama. I refused the calls at first but yesterday he called 6 times and the last when they asked for his name he said pick up it is very important. So I gave my credit card and let them charge me 25 dollars to find out that his girlfriend is pregnant. UG!

    Needless to say I am not happy and I feel nothing but disgust that they acted so irresponsibly. He is still wrestling with his addictions and is in jail and will probably be there for at least a year (assault and DUI and a couple of other charges) and she is a deadbeat that makes minimum wage when she works. She moved in with him at his boarding house and contributed nothing while he was injured two months ago and we paid his rent for that entire time. I want nothing to do with either of them but really feel for the child they are having.

    His therapist told me four years ago not to take in any of his children should he come to me with them and I feel that at age 60 I cannot muster up the courage nor the stamina to take one on anyway. difficult child 's kid will have a 75% chance of inheriting his syndrome. With it will come all difficult child's deficits and many medical problems including the altered brain, the necessary amputations of extra digits (difficult child had three different surgerys for this over the course of four years), hernia, and missing teeth and other orthopediac problems. difficult child was speech delayed and needed PT, Occupational Therapist (OT), and speech therapy for several years. Where will they find the money or the resources necessary for all that? They do not own a car and difficult child doesn't even have a licence.

    I am currently helping my easy child 1 who suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) back in early December. She still has conginative and sensory difficulties and cannot drive and needs me to take her to her many doctor appointments. We are considering moving closer to her if she doesn't recover within a few more months. It is 2 hours round trip for me and the cost of gas and my time away from my own life is great. But she is appreciative and and a really good person trying to cope with a life changing injury. difficult child on the other hand never changes and keeps making the same mistakes over and over and over. And this last... well I guess I have 8 months to figure out how much if any time I'm going to dedicate to his offspring. It is sad that I feel so little but it is what it is.

    difficult child said that he thougt I should feel some happiness at becoming a grandmother again. I told difficult child that there was nothing happy about this situation and that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. (difficult child is adopted and his father was in jail and his mother on welfare when he was born too). I told him that I gave 20 years of my life to try to break a cycle and apparently I failed and that was nothing for me to celebrate. Quite honestly husband and I are hoping the girl will wise up and put the child up for adoption or maybe God will intervene and terminate the pregnancy because they won't.

  2. KFld

    KFld New Member

    Sorry to hear things are still not going well. I'm glad to hear you are focusing on easy child and doing your best at detatching from difficult child's drama. I can't believe he would think you would be excited about him having another child! But then again, our difficult child's don't think much about anything most of the time, so why would that be any different.

    that is the last phone call I would accept and pay $25 for. Tell him if he needs to tell you anything else, to send you a letter.

    It's nice to hear from you, even though difficult child isn't doing well :)
  3. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Hi Karen, How are u? This is difficult child's first child but he has had several pregnancy scares over the years. I believe this one was actually planned (if you can call that planning). You are correct that I should have told him to write a letter. It is just that he is supposed to be taken to the state in which he was charged and due in court. I though he was anxious that I knew he was being transfered and maybe had a court date. I also thought that he possibly wanted us to get his stuff from his landlord. Never did I expect to get this news. He has blindsided me so many times over the years I don't even flinch anymore.
  4. HereWeGoAgain

    HereWeGoAgain Grandpa

    Hello RM, Good to see you again, even though it is not good news. Very sorry that difficult child continues to leave a trail of destruction. It is a terrible shame when our difficult children thoughtlessly bring kids into the world with such a poor chance of breaking the cycle, but then again some of them do manage to break it and their success is that much sweeter for having overcome the odds. Here's hoping difficult child's baby is one of them.
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2011
  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    HWGA, Thank you for your thoughts. I no longer have that "hope springs eternal" thing going on but I certainly would be open to a positive outcome. -RM