Hello all, well he's 18 now....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by tracyf551, Jun 19, 2008.

  1. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    difficult child turned 18 on 5/29 and life is no better. I told him he had a time limit to get a job or he has to go. His time is up this Sunday. He has no job, sleeps all day and runs all night. I have a strong feeling he's doing drugs. Pot of course, also I think he's either smoking crack or heroin. He's droppped about 60 lbs. over the last 3-4 months and he looks like he77.
    difficult child tells me things about heroin but I don't know if I can believe him. He lies with a capital "L". I know things have gone missing in the house over the last few weeks and with our dog being so picky about who he lets in I can hardly believe any one else in sneaking in and taking things. (our dog would tear them to pieces)
    Everytime I've seen him over the last few days I let him know how much time he has left. (6 days..4 days.. etc) I plan on telling as I put his things on the porch when he wants to go for help (rehab) then we can talk but not before.
    I never in my wildest dreams thought I'd have to throw one of my children out of the house, but in order to save the rest of my family I have to.
    Thanks for listening
  2. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I'm so sorry you are in such a pickle. It must be hard to make that choice, but like you said you must save the rest of your family. You have devoted your life, I'm sure, to helping him and now you must let him fall on his own. Yeah I talk a good game, however I am terrified as I will be faced with the same choice in 8 months when my difficult child turns 18. What choice do we have? We cant enable them their entire lives right? It wont do them any good and it just isnt fair to the rest of our families. I mean it's not like he didnt know this was coming, you have warned him and continue to warn him, it is his choice not to do the right thing. I agree with you, if he wants help and comes to you then of course as his mother you will help him. Maybe he needs to actually hit the bottom first. Logically this all sounds reasonable and you know it's something you must do. However, as a mom I know it will be devastating for you, he's your baby and you love him. I think most of us, either have dealt with this very same thing or are facing it in the future. It is very scary. Like I said before, I will be in your shoes very soon.

    Try and be strong and know you are ultimately doing this for him. Hang in there and God bless. :)
  3. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I know it s**ks but you're right. It needs to be done. Sending hugs.

    Also, be sure to change all the locks on the house. Even if he gives you his key, there's no way to know if he has other copies. You might want to go around and check all the windows inside and out to make sure he hasn't rigged any of them so that he can come in whenever he wants. Basically, anything you need to do to make sure he can't get in. I've also seen others say this, but think about calling the area police (sheriff or city....whoever would respond if you called) and let them know that after Sunday, he's not a resident in the house and is not supposed to be there. If he's caught there, it may be that nothing happens but at least you've got it on record that he's not supposed to be there.
  4. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    Yes i understand if he is doing all that you need to give him a choice of getting help or out - you dont want him to overdose or use in your house -
  5. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    also you will enable him to keep doing drugs if you give him a good place to land
  6. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Tracy, I have to admit I smiled when I read this sentence. We so hope that something magical will happen when the clock turns to 12:01 am on their 18th birthday...like the lightbulb will go off and they will GROW UP.

    Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way, as you discovered.

    My heart goes out to you. It is very difficult to draw the line and stick to it. Don't be a stranger- there are many of us who have been there before you. We will try to help support you through this next step.

  7. dlgallant

    dlgallant New Member

    I was in a different place when my difficult child turned 18. I knew what little help I was getting in the system would all go away so I dreaded that day fearing it would be the beginning of the end for her. You've done the right thing, for him and the rest of your family.
  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Cocaine use is a big cause of extreme weight loss. My daughter, the ex-druggie, told me that. Sleeping all day, well, it's more than pot.
    Sadly, we can't save our grown kids (they have to do that for themselves), but we can save our other kids and ourselves. (((Hugs)))
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am sorry. It is so painful to throw your child out. I know it hurts terribly to follow through, but not following through will end up hurting even worse - because then ALL of your kids may see this behavior as OK.

    Please go to a NarcAnon or AlAnon meeting. It will help you deal with all that you are feeling.

  10. So Tired

    So Tired Member

    Sounds like you are doing the right thing, even though it's hard! Wishing you strength and courage....

  11. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    No advice as I've not had a whole lot of success, but it seems your instincts are right on target. Another cyber hug.

  12. chrisdog01

    chrisdog01 New Member

    We are in the same place as you. Our difficult child turned 18 in February, and we had high hopes for him to make a realization as to how things could turn out. Unfortunately we talked about kicking out difficult child many times, but husband just can't go through with it yet. It's not in the same phase of detaching as I am.

    Good luck with whatever you do, and be strong. I really does hurt your heart, doesn't it?