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Parent Emeritus
Hello - an introduction.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 699345" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. Sorry you have to be here, but we all came here for the same reason. You are not alone.</p><p></p><p>I respectfully disagree with your husband that if his 20 year old has to leave your house he is condemned. Condemned to what? Getting a job, growing up or facing hard consequences that may push him toward growth? To me it is more a condemnation to let a 20 year old man be a 20 year old child with no consequences, no job and not even respect for rules. How is this good for the son?</p><p></p><p>Does your husband plan to live forever to support him when he is 50? Or if son makes him sick maybe he will die young. This son has not learned to think on his feet and has no ability to face hard times or survive on his own. And he knows he doesn't have to learn. His lack of respect for simple rules and his getting away with it is a spit in his father's eye. It is like Son has all the power. This is bad for all of you. Obviously it is affecting your marriage too.</p><p></p><p>Instead of wasting time talking to a man with no empathy, I'd urge your husband to get into counseling with you and getting him to work on his misplaced guilt and responsibility for a grown son who is unpleasant and won't follow house rules. None of us need to "protect" our children who are old enough to get jobs. In fact we can't protect them</p><p>And none of us need to take abuse from anyone, including adult children. That hurts us and does them no favors either.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry you have to go through this. If husband won't seek counseling with you, go yourself. You could probably use independent help regarding this sad problem. You can decide with counselor how you want to move forward and with whom. </p><p></p><p>Have a peaceful, sane day!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 699345, member: 1550"] Hi there. Sorry you have to be here, but we all came here for the same reason. You are not alone. I respectfully disagree with your husband that if his 20 year old has to leave your house he is condemned. Condemned to what? Getting a job, growing up or facing hard consequences that may push him toward growth? To me it is more a condemnation to let a 20 year old man be a 20 year old child with no consequences, no job and not even respect for rules. How is this good for the son? Does your husband plan to live forever to support him when he is 50? Or if son makes him sick maybe he will die young. This son has not learned to think on his feet and has no ability to face hard times or survive on his own. And he knows he doesn't have to learn. His lack of respect for simple rules and his getting away with it is a spit in his father's eye. It is like Son has all the power. This is bad for all of you. Obviously it is affecting your marriage too. Instead of wasting time talking to a man with no empathy, I'd urge your husband to get into counseling with you and getting him to work on his misplaced guilt and responsibility for a grown son who is unpleasant and won't follow house rules. None of us need to "protect" our children who are old enough to get jobs. In fact we can't protect them And none of us need to take abuse from anyone, including adult children. That hurts us and does them no favors either. I am sorry you have to go through this. If husband won't seek counseling with you, go yourself. You could probably use independent help regarding this sad problem. You can decide with counselor how you want to move forward and with whom. Have a peaceful, sane day!!! [/QUOTE]
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Hello - an introduction.
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