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Parent Emeritus
Hello - an introduction.
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<blockquote data-quote="mcb1964" data-source="post: 699361" data-attributes="member: 20787"><p>Hi. I feel for you. My brother caused many problems between my dad and my stepmom over the years. (In fairness, her oldest son caused them both problems as well.) </p><p></p><p>I hope for your sake that your husband is wired like mine is where I give advice, he rejects the advice and then 6 months later, has a "brilliant idea" that is, oddly enough, the idea I gave him 6 months earlier. </p><p></p><p>I agree with the counseling idea. I've found the author and psychologist Harriet Lerner helpful in creating boundaries so others' issues do not impact me as much. "The Dance of Anger" was particularly useful to me and has remained so ever since I read it. </p><p></p><p>Sadly, other than drawing your own boundaries with the step son, there isn't anything you can do about how he treats his dad. That is on him and if he allows it, that's not something you can intervene on. (Sad reality, but reality.) But you do need to draw boundaries with your husband and his son on what you can and cannot tolerate. Since your husband won't kick him out, you two need to work out what the rules are. I would suggest coming in at this in a different direction with hubby. Something like, "I understand that you do not want to kick him out, but there are behaviors that are negatively impacting me, so let's work out some ground rules that he needs to follow so we can all live here peacefully".</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mcb1964, post: 699361, member: 20787"] Hi. I feel for you. My brother caused many problems between my dad and my stepmom over the years. (In fairness, her oldest son caused them both problems as well.) I hope for your sake that your husband is wired like mine is where I give advice, he rejects the advice and then 6 months later, has a "brilliant idea" that is, oddly enough, the idea I gave him 6 months earlier. I agree with the counseling idea. I've found the author and psychologist Harriet Lerner helpful in creating boundaries so others' issues do not impact me as much. "The Dance of Anger" was particularly useful to me and has remained so ever since I read it. Sadly, other than drawing your own boundaries with the step son, there isn't anything you can do about how he treats his dad. That is on him and if he allows it, that's not something you can intervene on. (Sad reality, but reality.) But you do need to draw boundaries with your husband and his son on what you can and cannot tolerate. Since your husband won't kick him out, you two need to work out what the rules are. I would suggest coming in at this in a different direction with hubby. Something like, "I understand that you do not want to kick him out, but there are behaviors that are negatively impacting me, so let's work out some ground rules that he needs to follow so we can all live here peacefully". [/QUOTE]
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Hello - an introduction.
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