Hello and meet Satanica....

Boogie

New Member
Well.... what an interesting few days it has been.

First of all, Droid (difficult child 1) was home from my brother's for a couple days. JJ has been visiting too. I don't know if I replied or not to that, but JJ has a different father than Satanica and Droid. A wonderful man, the total opposite of their idiot sperm donor.

Anyways, Droid and Satanica get along like a Siamese cat and a wolf. I can see that when he comes back for school, life here is over for me. He can stay at his aunt's house, and would prefer to, but Fastone refuses to let him go even though he's 16. I feel as if she is just addicted to the chaos and stress whereas I'm completely fed up with it. I am trapped and there isn't anything I can do about it unless I simply go live in my tent somewhere. But the compost is going to be knee deep once Droid is back, I see that already.

Satanica still the same... Fastone decided that trying to get her to stop smoking cigarettes wasn't high on the priority list. Whatever... not my problem. I'm already detached. I don't think Fastone will ever detach... she seems to be waiting to wake up and find all the difficult child issues have disappeared. I can't really stuff anymore anger. I'm a ticking time bomb.
 

susiestar

Roll With It
This is a very unhealthy situation for you. Are any of these children yours biologically or through adoption? Do you REALLY want to continue to live like this? It sounds like it is time to tell Fastone that she either wakes up and gets Satanica into an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or other living situation or you are leaving. I don't know that she will choose you, but you are being damaged in a major way by staying in this situation.

I hope that Fastone can get some help. Until SHE does there is very little help for Satanica or the other kids. Esp as she refuses to even let her 16yo get away from the problem by staying at his aunts. He is going to resent her tremendously for that. Or he is going to move to his father's house permanently and she will have to pay child support to his father. He is old enough to make that choice and NO judge will make him move back with her - esp if Droid tells the judge about what happens at home!
 

Boogie

New Member
Well, it's like this...

difficult child 1 and difficult child 2 have the same sperm donor. He's never going to stay out of prison long enough to have a "home" for them to go to, unless you consider flophouses and bridge abutments "home". I seriously doubt the state would place them with a known criminal and sex offender.

But, then again, this IS Michigan.

difficult child 3 (JJ) has a different father and lives with him.

As for Satanica ever going to an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)...sorry, I didn't mean to laugh out loud! It's never going to happen in this messed up county, period. Fastone and I both are disabled and on fixed income. Our Medicaid HMO is garbage, and so is CMH in this county. They won't keep her anywhere over 10 days no matter how psychotic she is. The answer we get, no matter who we talk to, is "there's no money for long term care" and we sure can't afford it. At this point, I really don't think it would help her anymore regardless. We might as well just let her dig her own hole.

1254 days until she's gone for good. A life sentence.

Well, I gotta run again... TTYL.
 
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susiestar

Roll With It
Have you tried calling churches and private foundations to see if they have programs that would take her? I spent a lot of hours on the phone to find help with my difficult child at one point. I started with our pastor, calling him and asking if he knew of any therapeutic schools or homes or whatever run by a private group. He said no, but call A or B. I called A and B both, explaining the situation and asking them the same question. They didn't know, but try C or D. I actually gave each group a letter and got through VV before I stopped. I found about 6 programs that might be able to help and 4 of them were willing to evaluate him to see if he was eligible for upcoming openings. Before I could take him to them, my parents asked for a chance to turn him around. So I called back and said we had found an opening, an thanked them. because I called back to let them know we had chosen something else, they were willing to evaluate him at a future date if needed.

This would ONLY be an option if Fastone would ever let them actually go to these places to be helped.

If Satanica is violent to you or anyone else, or is just more than you can handle at home, there is the option of making her a ward of the state. You have to go through the police usually, and usually child support must be paid (will be very minimal because based only on Fastone's income and in some states they cannot take it out of disability, instead filing for SSI or disability for the child), and she goes to foster homes or group homes. Then the state MUST pay for mental health care for her.

Sorry it may come to that. in my opinion it is the only way she will ever receive any real help. I hope you don't lose your sanity if Fastone refuses to let her go if it is dangerous to keep her at home. Make physical safety a priority - if she assaults you, press charges no matter what Fastone wants. The police may be reluctant to do it, but you have the right to insist. Go to a Domestic Violence center for help, or call a DV hotline if you need help with getting the cops to do their jobs about this.

I really wish there were more options available for you. Do you think your marriage will be able to outlast Satanica's teen years?
 

TerryJ2

Well-Known Member
Boogie, SusieStar has some great ideas.

And I agree, you've got to take care of yourself. I was also wondering if your marriage would last. This is way more stress than anyone should have to deal with.
 
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