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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 723389" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>i have a different view.</p><p></p><p>very little in this life is 100 percent equitable or reciprocal. usually one person gives more at a given time.</p><p></p><p>you either paid for the wedding for her or for yourself or a combination of the two.</p><p></p><p>if you did it for a birthday card you set yourself up for a lot of pain.</p><p></p><p>i am not saying she did right. who knows what her motivations are? </p><p></p><p>but i agree with the others. you have to try to live for yourself and i believe it would help to limit expectations. you will be the one who is hurt.</p><p></p><p>let her handle and own her selfishness. and if she wants to withdraw, let her. </p><p></p><p>i know about the anger. i felt agony the way my son treated me. the depth of my pain i covered with anger. people do this. i forgive myself. and my son has too.</p><p></p><p>recognize that adult childten have a primary job to do: make their own lives. once they feel secure doing that, they are often able to resume or build closeness with a parent.</p><p></p><p>try to focus on building the richest life you can. don't pine for her. let her be. see how life unfolds. </p><p></p><p>i am not being sarcastic here. but next year on your birthday take yourself on the best vacation you can think of. </p><p></p><p>i would let her be. and stew in her own juices. we cannot control the actions of another person. even our beloved children. especially them.</p><p></p><p>anyway. welcome.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 723389, member: 18958"] i have a different view. very little in this life is 100 percent equitable or reciprocal. usually one person gives more at a given time. you either paid for the wedding for her or for yourself or a combination of the two. if you did it for a birthday card you set yourself up for a lot of pain. i am not saying she did right. who knows what her motivations are? but i agree with the others. you have to try to live for yourself and i believe it would help to limit expectations. you will be the one who is hurt. let her handle and own her selfishness. and if she wants to withdraw, let her. i know about the anger. i felt agony the way my son treated me. the depth of my pain i covered with anger. people do this. i forgive myself. and my son has too. recognize that adult childten have a primary job to do: make their own lives. once they feel secure doing that, they are often able to resume or build closeness with a parent. try to focus on building the richest life you can. don't pine for her. let her be. see how life unfolds. i am not being sarcastic here. but next year on your birthday take yourself on the best vacation you can think of. i would let her be. and stew in her own juices. we cannot control the actions of another person. even our beloved children. especially them. anyway. welcome. [/QUOTE]
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