Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Hello my friends! I need advice....
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 67834" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p><div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Big Bad Kitty</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You are already halfway there, knowing going in that you want to stand firm, and I believe that you will do well. </p><p></p><p>Try looking at it as boundaries for yourself, as opposed to rules for him, that you want to set. Write them down ahead of time if you need to.</p><p></p><p>Listen. Hear what he has to say. Take notes if you have to! Sounds silly, but look at it as a business venture. And have your game face on. He needs to know that he needs to prove himself to you and earn your trust back; this is not a matter of you giving him your trust one more time for him to destroy.</p><p></p><p>You have come leaps and bounds. Take a look back at how far you have come, and don't let that get away from you. </p><p></p><p>Keep coming back here for doses of strength along the way! </div></div></p><p></p><p></p><p>I was going to quote a line or two from BBK's posting, but it was all so exactly the right thing to say. I especially liked the part about setting boundaries for ourselves as opposed to using our interactions with our grown children to establish a set of rules for them.</p><p></p><p>That changed perception of the situation will give you strength going in.</p><p></p><p>The other thing I would add is that this child did not start listening until you stopped chasing him down.</p><p></p><p>Keep on the same page with husband, and try to keep easy child in the loop, too. </p><p></p><p>I would present the information on Canaan. I would present any information I had on anything I thought might help difficult child to make a better choice. I would tell him I love him, tell him his situation breaks my heart, tell him I expected better from him than this and that he was raised better than this. If it were my son, I would be really clear about where the path he is following is going to take him, and I would let him know that I did not make the sacrifices I did as I was raising him for him to do this to me, now.</p><p></p><p>He might not want to hear that ~ probably won't, in fact. But that is the truth. </p><p></p><p>And this isn't a popularity contest.</p><p></p><p>We were always so afraid to name what was really happening. Somewhere in the backs of our minds, I think we all believed (even difficult child) this could never really happen to us ~ and so, we never took it seriously enough to blast difficult child for what he was doing.</p><p></p><p>Or to turn away from him without regret when he continued to do it.</p><p></p><p>I will be thinking about you on Sunday, hearthope.</p><p></p><p>You will do fine!</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 67834, member: 1721"] <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: Big Bad Kitty</div><div class="ubbcode-body">You are already halfway there, knowing going in that you want to stand firm, and I believe that you will do well. Try looking at it as boundaries for yourself, as opposed to rules for him, that you want to set. Write them down ahead of time if you need to. Listen. Hear what he has to say. Take notes if you have to! Sounds silly, but look at it as a business venture. And have your game face on. He needs to know that he needs to prove himself to you and earn your trust back; this is not a matter of you giving him your trust one more time for him to destroy. You have come leaps and bounds. Take a look back at how far you have come, and don't let that get away from you. Keep coming back here for doses of strength along the way! </div></div> I was going to quote a line or two from BBK's posting, but it was all so exactly the right thing to say. I especially liked the part about setting boundaries for ourselves as opposed to using our interactions with our grown children to establish a set of rules for them. That changed perception of the situation will give you strength going in. The other thing I would add is that this child did not start listening until you stopped chasing him down. Keep on the same page with husband, and try to keep easy child in the loop, too. I would present the information on Canaan. I would present any information I had on anything I thought might help difficult child to make a better choice. I would tell him I love him, tell him his situation breaks my heart, tell him I expected better from him than this and that he was raised better than this. If it were my son, I would be really clear about where the path he is following is going to take him, and I would let him know that I did not make the sacrifices I did as I was raising him for him to do this to me, now. He might not want to hear that ~ probably won't, in fact. But that is the truth. And this isn't a popularity contest. We were always so afraid to name what was really happening. Somewhere in the backs of our minds, I think we all believed (even difficult child) this could never really happen to us ~ and so, we never took it seriously enough to blast difficult child for what he was doing. Or to turn away from him without regret when he continued to do it. I will be thinking about you on Sunday, hearthope. You will do fine! Barbara [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Hello my friends! I need advice....
Top