Hello My Friends

[TYLERFAN]

Dear family:

I seemed to have drifted from this board. I know I said I was staying and was coming back and I never did. Well, I still need to be here and I still want to be of some help if I can. Maybe I overstated the amount of time I could put in.

For whatever reason, I just wanted to give you guys an unusual update about difficult child.
Approx. 2 months ago difficult child moved 9 hours away from here and went to live with her Aunt. This was right after my father's funeral.
Her Aunt lives in a very rural town. Her Aunt has a theory that the culture here, will never allow difficult child, to recover fully. I agreed , and off she went willingly, to a one horse town.
Life with her Aunt came with strict rules about the phone and smoking, etc. One rule was no N.A...and I know this is going to be controversial ,as I have always been a supporter of NA.
Her aunt feels NA meetings are a way for addicts to meet and then, they only meet addicts, which hinders their recovery. I agree with part of this, there is a valid point made. difficult child doesn't get drug treatment other than prescibed medications, And visits to a psychiatrist.
difficult child has a job... It's a difficult child job.......that's for sure. She opens and closes the place..., they gave difficult child the keys......
Did I mention she has her own apartment as of last week?I woorry what could happen but then again, she seems to be getting herself a life. She also goes to GED school and actually goes.
PLEASE NO JINX, but she doesn't go for drug test either which she is required to do. Her Aunt said "As long as difficult child does well here, then it's just a matter of keeping her here."
difficult child came home in May to her son's birthday. She seemed she fit right back to where she started. We are trying to accomodate her by bringing her son every few months to a middle-ground to meet.
difficult child's son is a smart, happy, innovative 2-yr old B-O-Y!!!! What a riot he is, how exhausting!!!!!!!
We also saved a family dog and now have 2 cats and a dog named "Ebby"...Can you say .."Has Tylerfan's life changed or what"? and "What do we make of difficult child?" Hmmmm...

Just thought I'd say Hello. Got a new Job, hasn't started yet.

Love,'Melissa

 

[tiredmommy]

{{{Melissa}}}

Thanks for the update, I've been wondering how you and yours are doing. Fingers crossed that difficult child continues to do well.

 

[everywoman]

Oh, I was so happy to see an update---and to see your signature updated. When you posted about your father's death, you had not changed your sig to include new husband. I was a little worried!!! Good to see that you are well, that gs is thriving in your care, that husband is a husband, and that difficult child is trying.

 

[DammitJanet]

Well there is something to be said for changing locations. I hope she does well there.

Arent two year olds wonderful? LOL. I live for the time with mine. They sure do grow like weeds.

 

[janebrain]

Hi Melissa,
glad to hear things seem to be going okay for difficult child right now. I do think the Aunt could have a point about NA. We have 2 outpatient drug rehabs in our town and both seem to be known as a good place to get to know other users and get drugs! My dtr said the NA meeting she went to had many people who were currently using too. Also, she found the AA meetings discouraging because so many of the people were middle aged and hadn't been able to get sober til they were older. She felt she was too young to get and stay sober since none of them had managed it til they were in their 40's it seemed. She didn't like the AA meetings with just young people because again, there were people there who were still drinking, not there because they were serious about stopping but because they were being "forced" to go.

Is your dtr still in NY state?

Good to hear from you!

Jane

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

Hello! Good to see you again. Sorry about your father, but congratulations on the marriage (I remember when you left on your honeymoon).

Our difficult child says the same about NA. Two or three years ago, when she was attending NA meetings and then stopped, she said that most of the people there were only attending to satisfy some family or legal requirement and were using the meetings to network for later when they could start using again. As it turned out, that was precisely what she herself was doing. So Aunt may have a point, what with your difficult child being in a new place where she doesn't have connections. A year ago May when our difficult child came home from her last treatment, she attended strictly AA, because she said that more AA people really were trying to live sober than NA. (by the way, our difficult child started using again last month and we decided that she had to leave our home permanently. She is now living with a girlfriend and struggling to pull it back together again, with mixed results.)

Do you and your husband consider difficult child's son as yours together? That may be kinda nosy, but I ask because your current situation seems a lot like where wife and I are at. We never had a biological child of our own together, but difficult child's child has been with us since birth and is now, for all intents and purposes, "our" child and a special bond between us. When difficult child is out of control she tells people that we took her baby from her, although she knows that in reality she abdicated her place as mother.

 

[Big Bad Kitty]

I was just thinking about you. Good to hear from you!

 

[Star*]

Boy oh BOY does your life have a lot of ups and downs - sounds more like UPS lately than the other.

I'm happy for you. I have thought about you often and don't come to this forum often but happened to see your name and thought I'd offer a hug and a welcome back.

And just WHERE are you getting the energy to deal with a 2 year old? lol

Hugs & Love
Star

 

[Ephchap]

Well, hi there, Melissa !

I too have been wondering how things were going with difficult child and with your beuatiful grandson.

I do understand about some of the meetings. I know that my difficult child has been to open meetings, where the majority of them there are only there to fulfill court ordered attendance at meetings. The closed meetings are much more helpful, as those there are truly trying to stay sober/drug free.

Sending hugs. Hope things settle down with difficult child, but glad to hear you're doing okay !

Deb

 

[TYLERFAN]

Hello Family:

Herewegoagain: I always maintained that we are grandma and grandpa. My husband is a daddy to the baby and I am his mommy...in fact he calls me ma-ma and mommy at times. He also calls his mother mommy but doesn't seem to relate her "mommy" name, to being his actual caretaker. My grandson has always acted as if me and husband are his mommy and papa...and I believe that is what he thinks. If your dsughter is agreeable to the baby calling you and your husband mommy and daddy that's fine....By the way , you guys have legal custody, right?

Star: I can only say that the God who is giving me strength, has one heck of a sense of humor, but he's helping none the less.

difficult child is status quo today. She wants to know why she is always working but has no money.......
I can't believe how many people I hear talking about NA not always "helping". As Janet said...There is something to be said about changing location. I am hoping to she stays there as long as humanly possible.
Baby J is in Full Toddler Mode.....HELP!
He is all over everywhere every minute of every day!!!!
I don't remember this with difficult child....of course i was working whrn difficult child was this age.
By the way, I did get a new job...starts 7/7 and I am having a couple of medical issues....Today I found out my Dr's license has be REVOKED in another state.........for misconduct!!!
Can I scream now???

Happy to be back,
Melissa

 

[lovemysons]

Hi Melissa,
Happy to see you back as well. Sounds like difficult child is setting up a new life for herself in a positive way...I hope it continues.
Your lil guy sounds like a happy handful. I am so enjoying my new grandbaby Joey too, though he's not walking yet barely scooting around be he wants to put his hands and mouth on EVERYthing, lol.

Hope the medical issues are not too serious, not good about the Dr, hmm.

Love to you and yours,
lovemysons

 

[DDD]

Long Time No See, Melissa!

The update sounds great. I remember the preschool years vividly. You'll survive, my friend, and your boy will have the
deeply rooted memories of being safe and loved every day.
It's worth it!

Hugs. DDD

 

[HereWeGoAgain]

Herewegoagain: I always maintained that we are grandma and grandpa. My husband is a daddy to the baby and I am his mommy...in fact he calls me ma-ma and mommy at times. He also calls his mother mommy but doesn't seem to relate her "mommy" name, to being his actual caretaker. My grandson has always acted as if me and husband are his mommy and papa...and I believe that is what he thinks. If your dsughter is agreeable to the baby calling you and your husband mommy and daddy that's fine....By the way , you guys have legal custody, right?

easy child 1 knows that difficult child gave birth to her and that wife and I are her grandparents. She calls us Mammaw and Papa. Like your grandson, she calls difficult child "mommy", but as a name, not because she sees difficult child as the person in the mother role. She refers to difficult child by her first name when talking to us or her friends, not "my mom"; usually she refers to us as "my mom" and "my dad" to her friends (one time at a gathering of some kind, after being introduced to one man, she told him "This is my dad, his name is Papa", which caused a few smiles).

Yes, we have custody. We went to court for legal guardianship three years ago. difficult child consented in front of the judge.