Hello. Newbie with-a 6 1/2yr old daughter with ODD, Anxiety, ADHD

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by FeatherAhead, Jun 1, 2011.

  1. FeatherAhead

    FeatherAhead New Member

    I wish I would have found this place years ago. We have been coping and failing the last 4 years. The pediatrics office reassured us over the past years that all was normal. Recently a friend of mine referred me to a psychiatrist for children and I jumped on it.
    We just finished our 3rd asessment appointment and received the diagnosis of ODD mixed with Anxiety that heightens levels of ADHD.

    Finally someone who actually sees what we have been dealing with and confirms my suspicions.

    She is a fantastic student that achieves much more than her current grade level. BUT, outside of school it is a very different situation.

    I was so relieved and positive about all of this until I learned that my husband is not on the same page. He is not her "real" father but has been there from day one..literally. He is so negative about all of it and thinks that the dr is a quack. Now, keep in mind that about a month ago(before the psychiatrist) he informed me that he was done dealing with her. I guess he is holding to his word.

    Her "real" father seems to feel the same way and is not offering any support but I figured that.

    My parents off the only support they can..to criticize...and make allowances.

    With all that said, I am so relieved to find a support system that can relate since I don't have one at home.
  2. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    First, welcome to the board!

    it's not unusual for dad to not be on the same page. Many of us started that way. Usually over time, as the difficult children grow and affect the family more and more, they begin to come around!

    So your daughter, at 6, has been diagnosis'd with ODD, Anxiety, and ADHD - that's a heavy load, especially the ODD. Now that she has been diagnosis'd, what's the plan? Will she be going to therapy? Will she be starting medications for the anxiety or ADHD or both? Has the doctor given you some behavior modification suggestions for home?

    The diagnosis is just the beginning, now the work begins! But I know it is a relief that someone else saw what you felt for years! We can totally relate to that feeling!!

    I would suggest picking up a copy of Ross Greens book, "The Explosive Child". It is one of the books we pretty unanimously recommend on the site. It gives a different perspective on dealing with our challenging children.

    Glad to have you here.

  3. FeatherAhead

    FeatherAhead New Member

    We have been given a few pointers to start with but it is quite challenging to stay focused on using them when we have been doing it one way for 4 years. We are moving in the right direction though. We are going to see a therapist and have follow ups with the psychiatrist. The pyschiatrist mentioned the possiblity of medications, one for the anxiety and one for something else...that wasn't directly adhd medications. He really wants us to try the therapist first.
    That book he recommended and we are getting it. I am going to see if I can find it locally tomorrow. I am so relieved to finally get some answers and understandings of things..
  4. keista

    keista New Member

    Definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

    Welcome. Sorry you seem to be so alone in this - not anymore, you've got this forum.

    Funny thing about husbands, they surprise us when we least expect it. Mine was very much against the Asperger's diagnosis for son, and I accepted that, and then one day overheard him explaining it all (CORRECTLY and in a POSITIVE manner) to a coworker. When I questioned him, he was like, yeah, I've done research - DUH. Of course I was thrilled, but also WTH? thanks for sharing. GRRRR but that's him.

    Since you now have dxs, you now also have something to research, and can find "real" information on those somethings. Hubby may just come around with it since now it has properties of an object as opposed to something more 'vague' like feelings and behavior.

    Besides, even if he doesn't really get it or want to, he can still help with proactive solutions of changing parenting techniques. With or with out dxs, if plan A is not working go to plan B - a thought process guys deal better with.
  5. FeatherAhead

    FeatherAhead New Member

    I wish I would have found this forum years ago when I was begging the pediatrics for help. I have been really upset about all of this and lack of support from EVERYONE. My husband doesn't get it and says nothing is wrong with her..her father says..kids will be kids...sooo..it looks like I am the one to do the best I can. It is going to be very hard if husband and the father doesn't implement the techniques we are given which is where I get frustrated..

    for now, deep breath and know that I AM doing whatever I can to help her and help myself.

    thank you!!!!!
  6. BeachPeace

    BeachPeace Guest

    Sometimes - people think that kids with issues are either "all or nothing" .....meaning that if they have a diagnosis that seems to cloud all the 'good" things.
    My daughter is awesome at computers and very smart and is a sweet precious girl. My son is a loving sweetie pie, loved by many, who loves animals and Harry Potter.
    Thos things are no loess just because they both have some BIG issues.
    People who struggle initally with the diagnosis may come around when they begin to see that "those labels" are just one piece of the puzzle - that they are tools you can use to get the help that your child needs - that they give you validation during the times when as a parent you feel like you must be crazy - and most importantly - those labels can HELP you advocate for your child with the school and the docs.
    You are in the right place for support - Welcome!
  7. jetreahy

    jetreahy New Member

    It is hard. I too have no support from my parents. The thought of a grandchild being anything, but normal is horrifying for her and I should send 'the child' off to his dads. His dad fears the diagnoses and wanted me to send him off to him immediately, so he could try without therapy or medications. My boyfriend struggles with dealing with difficult child's outbursts. I can't blame him, I do, too, but he also does not want to give difficult child the excuse of having a reason for why he acts the way he does.

    Like you, I am so glad to have found this site. A place I hope to have the time to visit often. Welcome aboard!