Hello & Thanks

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bepositive, May 13, 2010.

  1. bepositive

    bepositive Guest

    I'm new to the forum. I decided to join this group because I feel like I'm always crying to my friends and family and I'm a)embarrassed to share this info with them b)guilty for always whining to them. So I thought I'd whine to each of you instead! :D

    My son will be 16 soon and has decided he wants to drop out of school, smoke pot periodically ("It's not a problem! I'm not a pothead or anything. I only do it sometimes because it's fun."), and defy and fight with his parents all of the time. We're all in regular therapy, but I'm not sure how much it's helping. I've always known my son has ADHD, he's also very gifted & is quite lazy and unmotivated. But, after researching ODD, I have to say that it describes him perfectly! I know he hates school because he's both too smart & too distracted for his own good, plus everything comes easily for him so he's never had to try at anything. I always thought the anger at home was due to ADHD, but now I recognize it as ODD. He's an angel in the world, but a terror at home that has become more and more violent this year. He never learns from discipline and he always blames everyone else. I really can't live with him anymore. He terrorizes my other two children and my husband and myself. Everything turns into a massive battle and I'm a nervous wreck. (Yet, most adults constantly tell me what an impressive, brilliant, and cool kid he is.)

    I feel a little guilty complaining, because it sounds like most of you are going through much worse things. But I worry that he's headed down that road. His dad & I are thinking of sending him to Outward Bound Intercept for at risk teens or SUWS outdoor therapy. I know they're very expensive, but we'll do what we have to. Does anyone know anything about these programs? Any other suggestions for heading off a potential problem? He's currently accepted the fact that I expect him to finish the school year (after a 1 week suspension for pot posession) but he insists that I have no authority over him because I don't listen to or respect him. (I listen and talk all he wants, but because I expect him to stay off pot, I'm not respecting his choices.)

    Thanks for listening.
  2. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome! We do not promote any facilities here, so if anyone has information they will Private Message you. I believe you have to ensure it is turned on in your profile.
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Welcome! At your son's age, I think some sort of intensive program may be helpful. No idea about specific programs but with just over 2 years to go until he is 18, now is the time to pull out the stops and get him the most help you can. ODD is just a list of a collection of symptoms. My personal opinion is that ODD was stuck in the DSM as a catch all when the docs don't really know why they are having those symptoms. A more complete evaluation might reveal more and give better direction to treatment.
  4. confuzzled

    confuzzled Member

    never feel guilty....its all about perspective. whats impossibly hard for one parent to deal with might roll right off another parents back.
    you have a right to vent--they are your feelings!

    i dont have any words of wisdom for you, but i just wanted to say welcome. and that i hope you find some support and help here--if nothing else,
    this is a judgment free zone.

    has he ever had any specific testing looking for underlying issues? i have a gifted/lazy one too....turns out she's not actually just lazy, but that she has some
    issues that are making life harder than i knew for her....

    (and i SO hear you on the friend thing...my even my husband actually just tells me to stop, LOL!)

  5. Im a Believer

    Im a Believer New Member

    BiPolar (BP) ~ Like you, I do not want to wear out my welcome with my friends and family. Nobody in my life deals with the issues I face with my children and there is no support group in my area -

    It is great comfort to come here and feel like I am not alone - all my friends/family seem to have to perfect lives - I know they don't but it sure seems like it.

    The people here are compassionate and understanding and are walking the same journey ~ Their is strength in numbers! Welcome!!