Hello? Um yes, he's a liability

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Star*, Jan 14, 2008.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Hi family,

    Yep - basically in a nutshell this was the conversation to the caseworker this morning and subsequently to me.

    Dude is "skirting' the rules. And somehow showed up with a moped that the home doesn't think was his (DUH) or a friends. (Well that's possible - why don't you know where he is? he IS YOUR responsibility) argh.

    And now they want to lock him up in a psychiatric hospital - 4 months of total freedom, they didn't do a dang thing they said they were going to do. NO independent living skills - they even told Dude that unless he GAVE them gas money they couldn't take him to interviews WTH? I want the state to give ME $1200. a month to take care of him - I could get him to interviews! DANG!

    And as always they do the "well if he can't go to the hospital he's going to be sent home." (WANT SOME OF THOSE EXPLETIVES NOW???)

    -Just when you start to breathe and sleep an entire night - And the sad thing is that we can't take care of him - but they AREN'T taking care of him and got $$ to do it. LOL - OMG I am so in the wrong business.

    They haven't even shown him HOW to fill out an application or go to an interview (no gum, have own pen, know your dates) and all of a sudden they made it through the Christmas season and boom -

    Well whatever - I'm going to go put my tongue in a light socket.

  2. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Seriously......this situation is totally wonky!!!
    Did they not take him back before Cmas "because they thought they could help him?"
    What happened to that promise. Or was it just a placating, tongue in cheek, promise?

    Now what? Surely the state has to pick this up, right? It is their responsibility to do something with him now.

    I am so sorry this saga still continues. I just want to wring everyone's neck for you. GRRRRRR...........
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    Yes, they told us before Christmas that they were going to work with him one on one - and DF and I BOTH say kaka - never happened.

    We think the other child who was coming to stay there fell through - and the $$$$ was needed so they kept Dude. Let's face it - he's never there anyway - he's always calling me from other places. He said it would be different if someone ANYONE would be at that house but they come to feed the animals and leave. THAT is not an Integrated Listening Systems (ILS) - and I will make sure once he's gone that the state KNOWS it.

    And asking for gas money to take kids to mental health appts, jobs, interviews? Is he crazy?
  4. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Is there someone you can contact about this farce of a foster/group home? Someone not connected to your county? The caseworker is a joke. This home is a travesty. Worst of all, the system as a whole is a joke. It seems there are so few legitimate foster homes -- ones that truly care about the kids, not just the money.

    I don't mind the charging for taking him places. The reality is that when he is on his own, he will have to find a way to pay for transportation. However, it is one of those things that should be made clear from the beginning and he should have a way to earn that money while he is there.

    This is probably (?) a stupid question, but do you think a hospitalization would help him at all? It makes no sense to put him somewhere like that just to hold him until he's 18. There has to be something else and I totally agree that your home is NOT the "something else." Why hasn't the caseworker come up with contingencies long ago? It's been apparent for awhile that this home was not working.

    I'm sorry. You don't deserve this grief.

  5. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I wonder what would happen if you asked for a progress/release report with case notes...
  6. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Oh, I'd pay good money to be there when that was asked for.

    So sorry, Star.

  7. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry. DDD
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Meow - We had thought about putting him in a hospital but at this point - he's as stable as he's going to be (refuses medications) and he has already done the IF YOU PUT ME THERE statement that he will run or if he's stuck there will take his life (I know a plea at best)

    It's not that THAT statement has any merit-but being on his own in this house has made him grow up a little bit - and for that we're happy - but yes - someone IS going to get a notice about checking the validity of it all -

    Witz - AN OH outloud moment - yes I will call and ask for that tomorrow. VERY GOOD - thanks

    Thanks everyone - I do know that DF called the caseworker today and blasted him a new one. (what ever an old one he had he has it no more) DF is a man of few words but when he does unleash the hounds 'tis a fox hunt to be sure. And He said he's tired of the fact that this caseworker doesn't seem to know his butt from fat meat. So he let him have a bit of his opinion to chew on. Not good for caseworker. I think the caseworker is trying to get his retirement years in - so not really concerned about the kid that has been there for years, can't get along in any group home setting (obvious to them now) so he told DF he was going to meet with the staff psychiatrist - and DF said "WHY? Does the psychiatric KNOW dude?" cw said "Well no" and DF said "Well isn't that just .....I don't know dumb?" and cw said "I guess so." DF suggested they call Dudes former psychologist and see what can be done.

    I suggested they find a suitable placement closer to home and if they could - ideally put him back in highschool - no more of this we MAY or MAY NOT have school this week if the teacher shows up - ack. ANd get him back with his psychologist. WE HAVE TOLD THEM WHAT WORKS - and they STILL try to find placement 3 hours away. The last place they suggested today - I had sent them 4 years ago an on line article about how the kids were kept in cages - I FAXED it to them incase they had clients in there - and they said "Good to know we won't use that place." and today THAT is the place they suggested. And it's THREE hours away - Geeze Louise -

    What is so wrong with listening to parents who are prove to be right time and time again - Really? Am I just not getting this?
    They have the money we don't - they ask us what is best - we tell them time and again - and they go and do whatever they want anyway - and this time - I HAVE NOTES - and I AM ANGRY. I was told what would and wouldn't happen at this place - and from the get GO - it's been bad.

    Right now - they know I wrote down notes, with times and dates and what was told to me would go on - and they know I can make a lot of lives very uncomfortable - which isn't my goal in life - it's to get my kid help but why do they make you fight so hard?

    Just wears me out.
  9. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Oh my gosh!!! If I were you, I would commit myself and DF before they could send Dude home!!! A nice vacation for the both of you!!! :hammer:

    I mean seriously!!! Oh to be a little fly on the turd infested place he is at!!!

    STar* I am beyond words and so disgusted by our system... JUST HELP THE FRICKEN KID!!!

    Sending you lots of kind thoughts and loves and hugs and soft touchy huggy feely warm gooey kitty kisses puppy smooches and lots O' moose poop!!!

    I never want to know the system as intimately as you... so I can really offer no advice... just my friendship and love!!! and some positive JUJU!!!
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    ...Takes puppy kisses, moose poop and juju......runs like ......the wind

    Could USe a picture of little Moose - an update per se
  11. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    How about a Bear.
  12. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    OMG...........Sorry Star to segue, but, Kitty, who is the bear? Adorable!!!!
  13. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It


    I am so very sorry that you keep having to go through the same [email protected] over and over!!! It is VERY clear that the people only kept Dude through the Holidays for the $$$.

    This home HAS to have some records to justify the $$$ per child. Even SSI requires some records.

    Get the records, will the old psychologist work with you to release them to you? They may send more complete records to her, than you. We had that, but now I have a 4 inch thick stack of papers. They will want serious $$$ to send them to you, and they CAN charge in most states. BUT to send them to a therapist or doctor there is NO charge.

    This seriously sounds like an "In Your Corner" media advocate type of case. These people were not even at the HOUSE?? They lived somewhere else with a bunch of underage kids in another house they had to drive to?? Call the media, call the senator and state representative, get them all out htere!

    They want to send Dude to the CAGE IDIOTS???!!!! :censored2: is going on??? I am so very sorry!!!

    Let DF blister a bit of tushie and then get a lawyer!! This is so very very WRONG!!

    I am mad for you!!!
  14. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    That is Totoro's Indy von Poopypants.
  15. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    OH Star I don't know much to say. I feel the pain of not being heard etc by these foul, nasty loathsome creatures that are supposed to be doing the right thing for our kids. Sending them a package of stink bait and letting them know that is all they are worth sounds good right now. Hugs to you. Wish you didn't have to continue this battle. You are not alone and I am sure that doesn't necessarily help but my sword is out with yours and I would be happy to kick butt in your state as well as my own.

  16. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Well for the first time in a long time - years - we are NOT settling with the place they have found. Apparently DF has had it. Maybe even more so that I have. But he said that I have done everything that anyone has asked of me 10 fold - regarding this child and we are tired of the lies.

    So if they want to move him again - they had better find a place that is closer to home, where he is monitored to go to school, where he is given consequences not second chances, and where he IS going to get a job, medical and psychological help. And the kicker is - if WHERE HE IS NOW - didn't provide all those things like they told us when we agreed to put him there - WHY should we believe them now about a place 3 hours away that has been in the news in years past for abusing clients. We are NOT stupid, we don't forget things because we write notes, and we aren't going to put him in this place in a snap -

    We want him closer to home, in school, with a job, and LEARNING how to catch the bus, get a job, manage his money, fill out an application, do chores, have a curfew - and if they are not going to provide these services - then they need to put him in a group home closer to his parents because we DO care about his future.

    GO GET EM WARRIOR DAD - I was so proud. Irregardless of how unrealistic his demands were - I'm still proud.

    Today is another day .