Hello & Welcome to my crazy wonderful life

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by SSDD, Jan 20, 2013.

  1. SSDD

    SSDD New Member

    Hi, I am new here so I hope I am doing things right & not doing anything wrong like breaking any rules or anything(if i am please, please let me i know),but, I would like to welcome u to my crazy wonderful life by introducing myself & my family. (When I refer to my family in posts I mean the part of the family that actually lives in our home full time. But please dont think that I dont feel our children that dont live with- us full time are our family just as much because they are. I guess it is just easier to explain) My family is made up of Me(mom), SO(dad), 13 yr old Daughter(A), 3.75 yr old difficult child Daughter(C), 3.5 month old Daughter(T), 7 yr old annoying JRT(dog)-definitly not mine!...lol, Buddy - 11.5 month old ACD/Catahoula Leopard Dog mix my Mobility Service Dog in Training. My SO & I have been together for 2 yrs. We are a blended family that originally blended his 2 girls (1 no longer lives with us but comes to stay on holidays) & my little girl who claimed him as daddy right away. I am the stay at home mom & homemaker while he works 6 days a week 10-12 hrs a day. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful family & now for the crazy part: I am 29 yrs old & have multiple health problems/disabilities both physical and mental. My little girl that is almost 4 has been diagnosed with- severe ADHD, ODD, & anxiety disorder(currently not otherwise specified but leaning towards Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)). She is in preschool & this her second year in this preschool. She started earlier than normal due to a referral to childrens developmental services because of extreme aggressive tendencies towards others, extreme meltdowns, meltdowns that would result in her purposefuly harming herself, anxiety over the smallest changes& sensory issues. Life is frustrating and challenging to say the least just with my many issues alone & it becomes extremely chaotic, beyond frustrating& exhausting(physically & emotionally) when you add (C's) issues to the day. Add the the new baby and things including (C's) behavior has gotten worse. I am at a loss what do I do? I feel like I am getting after her all day long and we constantly fighting each other. She hit the baby the other day cuz she wouldnt look at her. She wont listen to me. The psychologist I had her seeing just doesnt listen to me. I know he is a very good psychologist but he just wont listen to me when i tell him there is more going on and that she needs further testing done. I am at my wits end. I feel like I am a horrible mother. I just dont know what to do anymore.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    I think you're 100% correct that there is something else going on. She's carrying around a lot of labels for such a small kid. I would HIGHLY recommend you find a different counselor for her. Who did the evaluating and diagnosing? Is she on an medications? From what you've shared, I would even MORE HIGHLY recommend you find a good neuropsychologist or developmental pediatrician to do a thorough evaluation. She sounds quite spectrumy from the infor you've given so far. You have "AS" in your sig for yourself, does that stand for Asperger's Disorder or something else?

    Our motto here is to Trust Your Mommy Gut, you have one for a reason. Welcome to our little corner of the world. You've found the most "experience-based" resource available to humankind. Stick around and you'll learn a lot. Others will be around. Week-ends tend to be a little slow around here.
  3. SSDD

    SSDD New Member

    She was first tested & evaluated by childrens developmental services which revealed her ADHD. She then started seeing a child psychologist (one that I know & trust as he treated me as a child) who took down a history/list of complaints&symptoms, did some further, yet still simple focused testing (questionaires for me & for her teachers to fill out) which she came out with very high scores indicating severe ADHD, ODD, & anxiety disorder which he said at this time was not otherwise specified but he was leaning towards Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). As of right now no she is not on any medication though I strongly feel that it would help her & that she should be but after initially sugesting zoloft for her the psychologist has continued to shut me down and discount my opinions as things have just been spiraling down ward. I am planning on talking to her pediatrician next week about medication for her. I am currently in process of finding a new psychologist and getting her set up for some in depth testing. Yes the "AS" in my sig does stand for Asperger's and I do worry that her issues are stemming from the spectrum. thank you for your advice and your encouragment. It is very much appreciated.
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I would dump the psychologist who doesn't listen. If a psychologist doesn't listen, he certainly can't be of any help. I think your daughter needs a full evaluation and I'd go to a neuropsychologist for her. Something is going on with her and she isn't going to respond to traditional parenting and she probably needs interventions to help her. These can start even before age three and the earlier, the better the prognosis. I can not diagnose, but she sounds spectrumish to me. At any rate, I'd definitely take her to somebody more credentialed than even a psychologist. A neuropsychologist is a psychologist with special training in the brain and they tend to do a lot of helpful testing that can pinpoint why certain behaviors happen...and then direct you to the right sort of help. I doubt if it's behavioral therapy that she needs...it sounds more like she is differently wired and needs to learn how to function is what may be a confusing world for her. And that's not because of your family!!! Or your parenting...not your fault.
  5. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hi and welcome! I agree, go with your gut. Why does your psychologist have to agree with you that she needs more assessment? Many mental health people are not trained to diagnose developmental(neurological) conditions that have many of the same symptoms as individual mental health conditions .

    A neuropsychologist is trained to look at behaviors and symptoms and general medical history plus development and help figure out how it's all put together. Developmental pediatricians sometimes have evaluation. teams too. in any event, a comprehensive, long evaluation is in order, in my humble opinion.

    does she go to an Occupational Therapist (OT)?

    those of us who have been around autism ( autism spectrum) can relate to you because oppositional behaviors, sensory issues, aggression, transition issues, obsessive and compulsive things, anxiety, etc....all fit under the autism spectrum. If it turns out that this is part of the picture, the good news is early intervention is very helpful ..... IF you work with therapists who understand the method that help people with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). typical counselors don't help much because our kids are not just refusing to use skills they have, but actually need to be taught the skills step by step.

    Does she have special things she loves and wants/needs all the time? Does she use and creative imaginative play beyond copying/ repeating what she sees?

    Stick to your guns and tell, don't ask....You can demand a comprehensive neuropsychologist evaluation . (not a the reg. psychiatric, in my humble opinion)
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2013
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    If you cannot get a neuropsychologist (either not in your area, or not covered by your insurance), there are also child behavioral/developmental evaluation teams, usually out of childrens' or teaching hospitals. They use a team approach - multiple specialists - and often do a thorough job too.
  7. SSDD

    SSDD New Member

    I would like to first thank everybody for your replies and advice. I have felt so lost for so long now, but now finally thanks to the consistant and supportive advice from fellow parents with- children that face challenges, I finally feel like i at least found the dang map. Second I wanted to give everybody the update that I am in the process of getting an appointment. for (C) with- a developmental pediatrician. It was very frustrating & difficult to find either a neuropsychologist or developmental pediatrician in our area especially that would take her insurance however today I hit paydirt. I found one that is in a bordering state and only about 500 miles away, but she takes Wyoming Medicaid & really when it comes to figuring out what is going on with my little girl distance is not an issue. The first part of next week when we see (C's) regular pediatrician we have to have him fax her records and a referral + I have to have the idiot psychologist fax his notes to her and then they will call to set up her appointment. Unfortunatly unless there is a cancelation it may not be until April that she can get in with this doctor. I am hoping I can last that long. I have started taking videos on my phone of her big issues(ie...meltdowns & aggressive outbursts over getting dressed or whatever else it was I asked her to do that set her off) so the dr is able to visually see what goes on not just my reports cuz she always clams up and makes such a great first few impressions as such a lil angel that just has adhd with some odd and some anxiety issues... they dont get to see the real deal and i dont want this to b a waste of my time. I know I will b getting critiqued too as even though unlike my daughter I know the camera is rolling I dont change how I act just because it is...I lose my patience and holler and rant & rave and probably screw up as a parent in 101 ways on camera just like I do when its not rolling. God only knows I am probably making things worse instead of better. I apologize for my rantings and ramblings & for making this so long. I just wanted to thank everybody and to update y'all. Thank you
  8. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    While you're waiting for that appointment...

    Have you ever read "the explosive child" (by ross greene) It's a book that lots of us have made good use of - an alternative way of looking at things and approching "behavior" issues.

    Also, do you have access to a good pediatric Occupational Therapist (OT)? If so, see if you can get an Occupational Therapist (OT) evaluation for sensory and motor skills issues in before your specialist appointment. The Occupational Therapist (OT) report will be of use in the overall evaluation - plus the Occupational Therapist (OT) will have therapies, interventions and accommodations that help, if there are sensory and/or motor skills issues.
  9. TeDo

    TeDo CD Hall of Fame

    If the developmental pediatrician is "good", they SHOULD have a waiting list. The neuropsychologist we saw was 200 miles away and we had to wait 7 months to get in because he was so booked up. It was worth the wait.

    As for the video, it does sound like you could be making things worse. If it has you reacting as you've described ..... you're leaving the door wide open for the therapist to put the whole blame on you and your actions. Parents get blamed most of the time anyway and you're going to give an incompetent "professional" the "proof". I really don't know if you want to do that. It will end up in their notes and every single professional you see from here on out will have a preconceived idea before you ever walk in their door. The video should be of your daughter's behavior only.

    The other side of that is you need to stop feeding into her behavior. Stop ranting, raving, screaming, yelling, etc. Stay 100% silent or keep a REALLY ccalm voice and ask questions CALMLY like "why don't you want to get dressed?" or "why don't you want to get dressed right now?". Then quietly listen to her answer, whether it's yelled or not. I know this is hard but the keys to eliminating the behaviors are to 1)figure out WHY they're happening and 2)not feeding into them (providing the fuel to keep them going). To figure out the why, you need to keep a VERY open mind and figure out how she thinks. The only way to figure that out is to keep your own thoughts and opinions out of the equation and look at the specifics of what she was doing before you made the request and how you made the request.

    I am so glad you found us. It has been my lifeline for a couple years now. I would be a complete basket case if it weren't for the "family" here. Stick around and we can walk you through and support you down the road of parenting a difficult child to adulthood and beyond.
  10. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Ditto ic and tedo....hang in there and get. The Explosive Child, it really helped me and I actually had tons of supports....it is quite helpful, in my humble opinion.
  11. Mimibear

    Mimibear New Member

    My son is four years old and we don't have a diagnosis yet, and I am just getting started so I have limited advice to offer! However I can tell you the one thing that changed my life was when I made a choice to stop reacting dramatically to my little guy's tantrums and outbreaks. I realized that to a large degree, he too.is a victim of his own lack of coping skills. When I yelled and threatened and even spanked (not proud) it made a bad situation so much worse. The calmer you stay, the less your daughter has to feed off of during an intense moment. Now, I limit my words to "let's go in your room to calm down" and in he goes, and he can only come out when he has regained his composure. This nee calm way of parenting has helped improve the peace in our home. It's far from perfect and I still lose it sometimes, but it helps a lot if you can stay calm! Good luck, sounds like you are on the right track for getting your child all the resources you need. :)