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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 756315" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p><em>What I am trying to steel myself against is the realization that we have two crushing disappointments (I hesitate to use the word "failures" but I am really tempted to) as sons. What the eff happened to our dreams way back when we were just thinking about starting a family? How did they go so sour? </em></p><p></p><p>Dear 200Meters: I am playing hooky from my online meditation group but wanted to very quickly respond to you. (My quote thing is broken AGAIN.)</p><p></p><p>You know that we are all in this space sometimes and fortunately we do not crash down here at the same time!</p><p></p><p>That said: <u>This is one moment in time.</u> And unfortunately both of your boys are floundering at the same time. That's not an accident. My son is also adopted. I believed we had had a marvelous relationship and that through my love he had flourished, or at least compensated for his difficult beginnings and multiple challenges. I wrote a happier ever after story.</p><p></p><p>Life is not like that. It is not a story. It's a creation, from day to day. And there are seldom miracles that completely overcome and override our true histories. Is this not the fundamental lesson of our High Holy Days? That we must live from our true lives and our true collective history, and with that, in this place, we find our redemption, each other and Hashem?</p><p></p><p>Adoption for our boys is a true thing. No matter the love we find with our children, and the love and protection and sustenance we give and share and create, their true lives, they must and do experience. And even in the best of circumstances their true lives involved some kind of abandonment and even betrayal that they must make sense of and overcome. </p><p></p><p>Their genetic heritage still exists, despite our love for them and theirs for us. I am not speaking here in a deterministic sense. I am speaking in an experiential sense. Their genetic heritage different from ours, must be made sense of and integrated. So to assimilate and accommodate their real lives, their task is to make sense of 3 or 4 parental lines. (I am a single parent.) This is no walk in the park. Whether influences are genetic, epigenetic, cultural, racial, familial, spiritual it takes work. Spiritual work. It's NOT Abra Cadrabra.</p><p></p><p>Our challenge is to NOT fall into a spiritual abyss. I will say what I think for me. Finally, I have separated my spiritual sense from my son's condition. I can now work every day, and hopefully every minute remember to connect to the one thing that is really TRUE for me. With this has come awareness and acceptance that my son's condition is HIS, to make sense of and to live from. Love.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 756315, member: 18958"] [I]What I am trying to steel myself against is the realization that we have two crushing disappointments (I hesitate to use the word "failures" but I am really tempted to) as sons. What the eff happened to our dreams way back when we were just thinking about starting a family? How did they go so sour? [/I] Dear 200Meters: I am playing hooky from my online meditation group but wanted to very quickly respond to you. (My quote thing is broken AGAIN.) You know that we are all in this space sometimes and fortunately we do not crash down here at the same time! That said: [U]This is one moment in time.[/U] And unfortunately both of your boys are floundering at the same time. That's not an accident. My son is also adopted. I believed we had had a marvelous relationship and that through my love he had flourished, or at least compensated for his difficult beginnings and multiple challenges. I wrote a happier ever after story. Life is not like that. It is not a story. It's a creation, from day to day. And there are seldom miracles that completely overcome and override our true histories. Is this not the fundamental lesson of our High Holy Days? That we must live from our true lives and our true collective history, and with that, in this place, we find our redemption, each other and Hashem? Adoption for our boys is a true thing. No matter the love we find with our children, and the love and protection and sustenance we give and share and create, their true lives, they must and do experience. And even in the best of circumstances their true lives involved some kind of abandonment and even betrayal that they must make sense of and overcome. Their genetic heritage still exists, despite our love for them and theirs for us. I am not speaking here in a deterministic sense. I am speaking in an experiential sense. Their genetic heritage different from ours, must be made sense of and integrated. So to assimilate and accommodate their real lives, their task is to make sense of 3 or 4 parental lines. (I am a single parent.) This is no walk in the park. Whether influences are genetic, epigenetic, cultural, racial, familial, spiritual it takes work. Spiritual work. It's NOT Abra Cadrabra. Our challenge is to NOT fall into a spiritual abyss. I will say what I think for me. Finally, I have separated my spiritual sense from my son's condition. I can now work every day, and hopefully every minute remember to connect to the one thing that is really TRUE for me. With this has come awareness and acceptance that my son's condition is HIS, to make sense of and to live from. Love. [/QUOTE]
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