help! 104 mph in a 55

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by hilarity, Jan 6, 2008.

  1. hilarity

    hilarity New Member

    Just found the 20 MPH over speeding ticket my son told me about. When I asked to see it he said he threw it away, which I know was a lie, went through his card and I found it and I was floored 104 miles per hour without a seatbelt. I have to call the lawyer tomorrow about his two other tickets Indecent exposure and assault. Now This, I am thinking of telling the lawyer rather than trying to get him off of all this lets try to find a place to put him where he can get some help before he kills himself or others. What Input do any of your have? I am so going crazy right now. Can I say "Crazy" here?
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    I'd be taking all car keys away from him and keep them where he can't get his hands on them. I would also be seeing if there any facilities that will take him. At 17, this is harder than many expect unless he is willing to go. Do talk to your lawyer and see if there any facilities that the court uses. Also ask for a court-ordered evaluation. It sounds like there is something more than ADHD/CD going on. Indecedent exposure and suicidal driving are pretty big red flags to me.
  3. jmama45

    jmama45 New Member

    I hope he doesnt have a car to drive now, did you take it away? Man that is way fast and so scary.

    I wouldn't hide it from the lawyer, thats enabling. Let him face the natural consequences.That is my thought.

    Yes, crazy is the word they make us huh!
  4. hilarity

    hilarity New Member

    Hilarity----I just deleted what was in this space. Does your difficult child know about this site? I expect he posted a message here under your name. I will pm you with what he said.

    I would suggest that you change your password and log out between visits.

  5. hilarity

    hilarity New Member

    I apologise to everyone for what my son wrote in here. I will have to log off everytime I leave the computer. As far as his car is concerned, I am going to let him use it for now for school and work. Other than school and work he has no priveleges right now. I think the chances are pretty good that he will loose his license over this so if that happens, he won't need a car. As far as court requested evaluation -- would I need to pay for that? Can you ball-park me how much that would cost? Monday I have so many calls to make I'll be lucky if I can get any work in...find a new psychiatrist, call county attorney re ticket, call lawyer re possibility of getting him some help. I would like to know about the cost of things. If the court sends him to a treatment facility - does insurance help on that?
  6. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    When my daughter was in the court system at the age of 17, the courts initially did not want to place her in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) because of her age (6 months before she would be 18). We finally had them convinced to place her in an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and the cost to us was based on a sliding scale of our income. I do not remember the exact cost per month it was going to be somewhere around $300 a month.

    Unfortunately, the day their were to place her in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), her attorney (that we got for her) got an appeal granted and we went to court for another 3 weeks (on a weekly basis). They ended up letting her live with my parents and do intensive in-home family therapy.

    We see our daughter on a limited basis as she is now living on her own with her boyfriend (difficult child also). I do talk to her about once a week, but there is still alot of hurt feelings between her and us (both ways). We are trying to heal those, but it will take some time.

    Your attorney should be able to answer some of these questions for you. If your son already has a PO, they maybe able to help you also. Good Luck to you and your son.
  7. hilarity

    hilarity New Member

    this state is so confusing because age of majority is 19, not 18. but a kid can go live on their own when they are 18, but the parent is still responsible for them and what they do. You can go through a legal thing and have the child emancipated - but I think that is more for kids who are able to do it on their own. Not the difficult child type.

    Here's some good news Christmas candy at CVS pharmacy was marked down 90%. I bought gobs of hershe's kisses, which I don't need, but how can you not buy them when they are 30 cents a bag. They are always good for baking - or if I need a poor me pitty party.
  8. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    No need to apologize for your difficult child's post....his words/his problem. If it makes you feel any better, he isn't the first and I'm sure he won't be the last. :hammer:

  9. Anna1345

    Anna1345 New Member

    Sounds to me like you should do nothing to get him off, tell the lawyer about the ticket. He needs to understand that his actions have consequences. Also, if it were me, I wouldn't pay another dime to ANYTHING -- fees, charges, lawyers, etc.

  10. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Oh man - 104 MPH?? I would NOT let him have your car for any reason - PERIOD. If he is on your insurance and does something reckless that harms someone else - guess who they are going to come after? Y-O-U!!

    I would insist he take the bus to school - or drive him yourself and charge him for your time. If he has to quit his job - so be it. He is using your car as a potential weapon.

    You need to get your son evaluated and quick. He is running in the fast lane.
  11. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Why are you calling the lawyer? Aren't these his problems?
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Your son needs to take the bus or WALK to work and school. NO WAY should he have access to a car, no matter what. If he causes an accident and kills himself or someone else YOU very well may be held responsible. And I doubt your car insurance will cover him after the date of the ticket, here they will not unless he goes in and pays a whole lot more.

    He really should have very few privileges. No new anything, no cell phone unless YOU need him to have it to get ahold of him.

    It sounds like there is a WHOLE lot going on with him, not sure what you can do to force him to get help. The only thing I can think of is let the lawyer and courts know ASAP about each offense, they have access to programs you don't even know about. Maybe he can get help this way, but it may take a lot of pushing.

    I do think HE should be calling his lawyer, but if YOU are financially responsible, then I understand wanting to know how things stand and what is going on.

    As for his post, I missed it, but it is on him, not you.

    The book Boundaries might help you figure out what you want to do/should do.

    Sendind Hugs,

  13. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My daughter drove so fast in our van that she blew up the engine and we had no van. She'd also taken it over the state line (long story) and it ended up very expensive for us. We took her license. She didn't drive. She took the school bus, which she hated but too bad, and she walked or rode her bike. After she left home, her brother bought her a car. I told him not to. Anyway, she cracked it up and six years later, the lady she had an accident with came back asking for a $14,000 settlement for injuries. My daughter's past haunts her still. You think son is going to drive safely to school and work? I don't think so.
    I agree that he should call the lawyer and I wouldn't try to get him off of his ticket. Nobody needs him on the road, including you. He's obviously a danger to himself and others and needs help, but is refusing it. I agree that it sounds like more than ADHD/CD. Drug use too maybe? Mania? It doesn't matter if he won't get an evaluation and comply with treatment and there's nothing you can do about it.
    Learn to detach.
  14. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Sorry, hon. Anyone who is driving 104 MPH and is not on a race track needs to not be driving for ANY reason -- not to go to school, not to go to work. He needs to find alternate transportation, not you taking him but him doing what is necessary.

    I will admit I would have loved to have read what your son said to the first few posts. It might have been very revealing. I'm sure there was a lot of anger and denial. It's a shame we can't have the privacy needed to belong to some boards but some of our kids are just so unaccepting of our needs and our desire to help them.

  15. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Hilarity, like the others I'd yank his keys, too. He can drive 104 to school or work just like he did goofing off. Scary stuff.

    Maybe riding the school bus and hoofing it to work will help him appreciate what a privilege it is to drive.

  16. Star*

    Star* call 911

    It's a shame that these young men pretend to be grown-up and continue to act like little boys. I bet you do his laundry, and cook, clean his room. VERY mature for a man who wants to fly jets.

    STOP doing what you are doing for him Mom - really. He can call the lawyer, HE can figure out how to get bail money - and for the sake of being grown up - when you try to make your car an F-15, your MOMMY gets to drive you to work and school. Or you can ride the bus and walk. SHeez -

    Hon - you are overburdened, under appreciated and you need to clean house - at about 104 mph if not faster.

  17. wakeupcall

    wakeupcall Well-Known Member

    When my oldest son (easy child) rolled through a stop sign I took his keys for three days! He was mortified. If he'd been going 104 and I found out, he'd not get his keys for a year. Of course I'm speaking of a easy child, though I'm scared for ALL difficult children who have their licenses and a car. Their lack of responsibility is alarming.
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    My last .02 and I'll shut up :wink:
    If he's taking any drugs at all besides his prescribed drugs, even if he is forced to comply and take the prescription drugs they will NOT help him. The recreational stuff neutralizes the good effects of a mood stabilizer--and, no, he isn't on one. Why are you against Lithium? It has the highest success rate of any mood stabilizer and has anti-suicidal properties (the only one that does) and is also sometimes used for substance abuse tendencies (however he has to stop using before it will help that). These are the major mood stabilizers. Some bipolars need two of them to become stable:
    Lithium, Depakote, Trileptal, Tegretal, Lamictal
    Often antipsyotics like Zyprexa are used WITH a mood stabilizer. Anti-depressants and stimulants can cause bipolars to literally go crazy. They must be watched very carefully.
    Good luck. I'm glad you took the car. He feels like a loser because he's acting like one. If he turns his life around, he'll have much better feelings towards himself. Giving him permission to drive a guided missel won't help his self esteem.
  19. hilarity

    hilarity New Member

    Good news, I have a Psychiatrist for difficult child to see in two weeks. I'm having all the info from the psychologist sent over. I'm hoping psychiatrist can get him back on some medications. If not, I'm going to need some more. The lawyer says difficult child will probably loose his licsense for a year, and that there is not much to be done about that. Being clocked at 104 is 104. I'm going to call insurance company tomorrow to see about getting him off the policy. The thing that just confuses me is that this kid has not gotten any tickets for driving since he got his license when he was 16. He really doesn't have an ounce of impulse control anymore.
  20. hilarity

    hilarity New Member

    I don't have anything against lithium - its just that the doctors he's seen wanted him on Concerta - than took him off because he wasn't "functioning as well on it as they liked" I know that he needs medications. I hate it that we have to wait two weeks to get any. I noticed the suggestion of Tegretol is that used as a mood stabilizer now. I took Tegretol when I had a seizure disorder.