Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Help! 5 yr old irritable dafiant, hates clothes
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 76437" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Being bright does NOT mean "she can work around things" - it is a common misconception that if the child is bright, they can overcome any other problem so let's just not worry about them, she won't need help as she would if she were not so bright.</p><p></p><p>She will need MORE help because being bright, she is going to be even MORE frustrated at her inability to perform as she feels she should be able to.</p><p></p><p>been there done that. Big time. Still there.</p><p></p><p>There are intelligent psychologists out there who know this, but it sounds like you found an idiot.</p><p></p><p>Heather recommended the website I was going to - that Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire is not officially diagnostic but it can really help you 'gel' ideas. You can print the result (regardless of what she scores) and take it to an expert for their opinion. because I was definitely thinking Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), Asperger's, something along those lines. No language delay, so it's not full-on autism then. But the sensory issues are classic; the being angry with herself, hitting herself, very rigid rules and way of playing, high level of frustration, high anxiety, poor social skills - it all fits.</p><p></p><p>We cope by NOT blocking our kid at every turn. We allow a lot of this - whatever we can tolerate - and work on the bits round the edge as SHE can tolerate it. There are reasons she is the way she is - reasons that make sense to her - and the way through is to meet her where she is and work from there. The book recommended will help a lot there, plus feel free to post any time, a lot of us know exactly what you're going through and collectively, we've all made better progress than if we didn't have each other.</p><p></p><p>Serious suggestion - do the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) test on your older daughter too. It would be interesting to compare scores. Eleven years ago we had a normal (but very bright) daughter, a boy with ADHD and anxiety issues, a VERY bright younger daughter who was just starting to show some odd brain function issues and a not-quite three year old who was non-verbal and obsessive, but extremely bright - he'd been reading, playing piano and using a computer for several years already. So while trying to find out what was wrong with the youngest, we had ALL the kids assessed. One shrink described the room full of our kids as "a very lively session". But it meant that the experts could see patterns which were familial; patterns which were normal; patterns which indicated disorder.</p><p></p><p>And speaking of "disorder" - especially with bright kids, we avoid the stigma of handicap in any form in our home, these kids have talents and abilities which we foster, but at the same time we don't punish them for not "getting" it in other ways. Again, Ross Greene's book helps with understanding here.</p><p></p><p>If this is Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) (or any one of a number of other disorders) the high IQ actually does help the child compensate and SEEM to be more normal. But it is a facade - underneath, they are working hard to convince people everything's OK. This makes them much harder to accurately assess, the older they get. For example, easy child 2/difficult child 2 now makes a positive effort to make eye contact - when she sees a new customer she will comment about something the customer is wearing, so it helps her fix in her memory something she will later recognise - if the customer forgets a bag of groceries and comes back for them, it is then easier for easy child 2/difficult child 2 to recognise the person if she made sure she looked hard at them. But because she now makes a lot more eye contact, someone assessing her for Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) will say she's not Aspie because she looked them in the eye.</p><p></p><p>Another often hidden aspect to this is face blindness to some degree (easy child 2/difficult child 2 does have partial face blindness - we only realised this a few months ago). If you Google "face blindness" you can find some websites which can help you test - this is another important piece of information. And a bright person will adapt to this also. But a child - how can they know what is normal? difficult child 1 STILL is discovering things he can do which he finds out other people can't. For example, he has short-term memory deficits. So he's adapted by using his long-term memory instead, which makes some remarkable things possible for him. it takes him longer to learn things, but when he finally has the info on board it's there in detail, permanently.</p><p></p><p>Witz is right about needing to modify your posts and sig to make sure you don't include real names, real places etc. You need your anonymity here if you are to feel really free to express your concerns without fear that someone else (school maybe) can track your posts and know it's you. It mightn't seem important right now but trust me, the day will come when you will be grateful you made the change. Or regret that you didn't.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the site - if we don't understand, who will?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 76437, member: 1991"] Being bright does NOT mean "she can work around things" - it is a common misconception that if the child is bright, they can overcome any other problem so let's just not worry about them, she won't need help as she would if she were not so bright. She will need MORE help because being bright, she is going to be even MORE frustrated at her inability to perform as she feels she should be able to. been there done that. Big time. Still there. There are intelligent psychologists out there who know this, but it sounds like you found an idiot. Heather recommended the website I was going to - that Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) questionnaire is not officially diagnostic but it can really help you 'gel' ideas. You can print the result (regardless of what she scores) and take it to an expert for their opinion. because I was definitely thinking Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD), Asperger's, something along those lines. No language delay, so it's not full-on autism then. But the sensory issues are classic; the being angry with herself, hitting herself, very rigid rules and way of playing, high level of frustration, high anxiety, poor social skills - it all fits. We cope by NOT blocking our kid at every turn. We allow a lot of this - whatever we can tolerate - and work on the bits round the edge as SHE can tolerate it. There are reasons she is the way she is - reasons that make sense to her - and the way through is to meet her where she is and work from there. The book recommended will help a lot there, plus feel free to post any time, a lot of us know exactly what you're going through and collectively, we've all made better progress than if we didn't have each other. Serious suggestion - do the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) test on your older daughter too. It would be interesting to compare scores. Eleven years ago we had a normal (but very bright) daughter, a boy with ADHD and anxiety issues, a VERY bright younger daughter who was just starting to show some odd brain function issues and a not-quite three year old who was non-verbal and obsessive, but extremely bright - he'd been reading, playing piano and using a computer for several years already. So while trying to find out what was wrong with the youngest, we had ALL the kids assessed. One shrink described the room full of our kids as "a very lively session". But it meant that the experts could see patterns which were familial; patterns which were normal; patterns which indicated disorder. And speaking of "disorder" - especially with bright kids, we avoid the stigma of handicap in any form in our home, these kids have talents and abilities which we foster, but at the same time we don't punish them for not "getting" it in other ways. Again, Ross Greene's book helps with understanding here. If this is Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) (or any one of a number of other disorders) the high IQ actually does help the child compensate and SEEM to be more normal. But it is a facade - underneath, they are working hard to convince people everything's OK. This makes them much harder to accurately assess, the older they get. For example, easy child 2/difficult child 2 now makes a positive effort to make eye contact - when she sees a new customer she will comment about something the customer is wearing, so it helps her fix in her memory something she will later recognise - if the customer forgets a bag of groceries and comes back for them, it is then easier for easy child 2/difficult child 2 to recognise the person if she made sure she looked hard at them. But because she now makes a lot more eye contact, someone assessing her for Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) will say she's not Aspie because she looked them in the eye. Another often hidden aspect to this is face blindness to some degree (easy child 2/difficult child 2 does have partial face blindness - we only realised this a few months ago). If you Google "face blindness" you can find some websites which can help you test - this is another important piece of information. And a bright person will adapt to this also. But a child - how can they know what is normal? difficult child 1 STILL is discovering things he can do which he finds out other people can't. For example, he has short-term memory deficits. So he's adapted by using his long-term memory instead, which makes some remarkable things possible for him. it takes him longer to learn things, but when he finally has the info on board it's there in detail, permanently. Witz is right about needing to modify your posts and sig to make sure you don't include real names, real places etc. You need your anonymity here if you are to feel really free to express your concerns without fear that someone else (school maybe) can track your posts and know it's you. It mightn't seem important right now but trust me, the day will come when you will be grateful you made the change. Or regret that you didn't. Welcome to the site - if we don't understand, who will? Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Help! 5 yr old irritable dafiant, hates clothes
Top