HELP!!!!! 8 year old boy with- ADHD has me in tears!

[Aneau]

I have this beautiful child whom both my husband and I adore, he has been in and out of Dr's offices here in Alaska. Needless to say we just don't have the help that the lower 48 has to offer. He was diagnosed with ADHD several years ago, started on Ritalin...total nightmare after 2 weeks. He became mean and very aggressive. Since then he has been on Strattera which a Dr. put him on and needless to say it was twice the dose for his body weight. That was the next nightmare. Since then he has been seeing another Dr. who put him on what was suppose to be the generic of Adderal XR only to find out last week he was on the generic of Ritalin, which he cannot take...he was taking this for at least 8 months before we realized that the Dr. gave him the wrong one. She also had him taking Risperidone 2 times a day then we went back to 1 time a day. At this point we are trying to wean him off the Risperidone and have incorporated Adderal XR. He has been intolerable, mean, nasty and hurtful. He never wants to do his reading, he is behind and fights me to the bitter end when it comes to homework...it's just this last week has been rock bottom. I don't know if its the medication changes, if I'm missing something but he has had both my husband and I fighting with each other, tonight he brought me to tears from the way he looked at me and talked to me. He just doesn't seem like the sweet boy I once had. Any advise would be great...I know we all have issues; I'm just so limited to my resources here. I feel like my life is one big tornado!

 

[Marguerite]

Welcome. Sorry you need us but glad we're here for you.

On the medications front - we found rebound problems with ritalin with both our boys. difficult child 1 (check te code in my sig - difficult child stands for "Gift From God", the child that brought us here) took ritalin to begin with and managed a bit better, but as he got older and needed more, we found there were problems as it was wearing off, he would swing back behaviour-wise to be much worse tan when he had been before medication.

So we were put onto an alternative - dexamphetamine. The sustained-release stuff has to be made up for us privately, but has made a big difference.

The doctor tried difficult child 3 on Strattera two years ago, it was horrible. After three days he was violent and argumentative, but not making a lot of sense. He felt persecuted, physically attacked me and really, we should have taken him to the ER it was so bad. and we NEVER go to the ER for behaviour issues!

We did try difficult child 3 on Concerta (long-acting ritalin, basically) and found he also had rebound problems and it just wasn't as good. So it's back to the more expensive (for us) dex.

You are struggling with isolation by the sound of it, as well as a need to work a lot out for yourself. We had to do that - there are services here, but we live in a fairly isolated community and it is too far to get to most of the services we need. We had to invent our own.

So what helped us - this website. WHo recommended a book, "The Explosive Child" which helped me change direction somewhat on how I handled my child. Learning to trust my own instincts, learning to have confidence in my own decisions concerning my child.

Homework is a common battle - we had to find other ways of handling that one. School problems stay as school problems, we refused to engage. If difficult child 3 was home sick from school, then I got him to do his homework. Any school work. But otherwise - natural consequences.

In trying to engage your child, try the following:

1) try to use a teamwork approach - "let's do this together." Or "I'll do tis, while you do that. Let's see who finishes first. When you are done with your bit, we can both reward ourselves with a milk and cookies break."

2) Task-changing is often a problem especially if he is playing a game. We found we had to give timed warnings, and also keep it light and not 'heavy' and 'disciplining parent/avenging angel'.

There can be so many factors adding to your son's problems, it's not all the disability, not alone. medications won't make it all better like magic, they only make it easier to deal with what's left.

Another tip with reading - read together. I used to do this with difficult child 3 - we would read the same book. We would take turns reading the dialogue and put on funny voices and act it out. We made a game of it, it really helped. That made it less of a lesson, and a lot more fun.

Marg

 

[BusynMember]

Hi there and welcome.

Can you bring him down to another state for a thorough evaluation? Many of us prefer Neuropsychs.

Are you convinced that ADHD is the entirety of his problems? Can you tell us a bit more about your son? How was his early development? How does he relate to his same age peers? Does he ever struggle with eye contact especially with strangers? Can he transition from one activity to another with ease? Does he have an obsessive interests? Are there any psychiatric disorders on either side of his biological genetic tree?

Others will come along. Welcome again

 

[Bunny]

Hi, and welcome to the board.

i don't have a child with ADHD, so I have no advice there, but I do know what it's like to have your child bring you to tears. I've been there many times and it feels terrible. For a long time I felt like I was a failure because parenting my difficult child was such a nightmare at times. Take a deep breath and give yourself a moment to calm down. I know that you will find good advice here.

Pam

 

[busywend]

Welcome to the site!

Who diagnosed him as ADHD? Sometimes this reaction to stimulants points to other disorders - like Bipolar. Please tell us more about your difficult child when you get a chance.

 

[TerryJ2]

Welcome!

I'm so sorry about the medication issues. I was thinking bipolar, too, even b4 I read busywend's response, because of the Ritalin reaction.

What are his sleep patterns? Does he stay up all night?

What about changes in routine? Does he light off if you change something small, like whether you're having baked potatoes or fries for dinner?

What was he like as a baby?

 

[Chaosuncontained]

Reading your post was an eye opener for me...my ADHD son is 8--will be 9 in Feb. You described his "tantrums", mean, verbally agressive behaviour to a T.

Today we went to a new doctor. He prescribed Abilify. He is on Strattera (20mg) and Ritalin (15mg)...we are discontinuing the Ritalin at this point. We'll see how things go in a few days...

Good luck to you.

Martie 42
husband 42
easy child 1: 20 girl
easy child 2: 10 girl
difficult child: Carson, boy, ADHD (diagnosis at age 4), recent "mood disorder" diagnosis.
easy child 3: 5 boy
and 4 step kids here part-time

 

[HaoZi]

Straterra AND Ritalin? *picks jaw up off floor*
My kiddo had her share of rages and did better on a Straterra in the morning and clonidine at night. Still tweaking her on the Abilify instead (long story).

 

[Chaosuncontained]

Straterra AND Ritalin? *picks jaw up off floor*
My kiddo had her share of rages and did better on a Straterra in the morning and clonidine at night. Still tweaking her on the Abilify instead (long story).

He has taken Strattera (20mg) for YEARS. Along with Adderall (15mg). Only recently was he changed to Ritalin--psychiatrist thought he was having agressive reaction due to being on it so long that it wasn't working anymore. He was on Ritalin for 2 weeks then we took him to a new MD who has been recommended to us by SEVERAL people.

That was today. He has taken him off Ritalin for now. Strattera only--and added Abilify (I can't remember mg--and won't be able to pick up RX until tomorrow AM).

I am Bipolar. Today Carson's new doctor said we have to consider a mood disorder for my beautiful boy as well.

 

[HaoZi]

Grab the book that was suggested, if you want it faster you can get it on Kindle for easy child. And see about getting him to a neuropsychologist ASAP. The sooner you know everything that is going on, the better his medications can be tweaked for him. They can have quite a wait list from what I've seen. I had to fight to get the referral to one for mine, we're finally going to the first appointment this week.

 

[Aneau]

Hi to all of you!!!!

I'm truly overwhelmed by the amount of support that I'm already feeling from all of your reply's. My husband and I left yesterday to go to Market for a week for our store. Seth is staying at a friends house, it will be interesting to sed how he will be when we get back. As I said we are weaning him off the Rispedone..he is only on 10mg of the Adderal xr right now; not sure if we will need to increase it. I did purchase the book as done of you suggested..."The Explosive Child". Last night was really hard...I love my son so much and I try to be patient but there is only so much a person can take. I went upstairs and cried; my husband said to me that I need to pull it together...I know this but it's hard to watch him and know that deep down he is frustrated and feeling like he going to explode. We are researching a Neropsych. Having you all and knowing that I'm not alone has really helped!!!! Thank You!!!!

 

[vtheartmama]

Hi there...I am new to this site so I can't offer behavioral advice, just the advice of mom who has seen her fair share of doctors, I live in a small state with poor services. It's all about getting the right doctor/counselor/therapist et.c We went through 4 orthopedic surgeons before we settled on one for our daughter (she has scoliosis), and I often do my own research when I think there is something the doctor is missing (that's how i found this site). It is so worth it to travel to find the right match...we live in VT and travel down to Boston, but we have traveled to PA, NY and NH and eventually will be headed to Virginia..there are parents I know who fly from Alabama to Chicago and CA to Utah, I'm not suggesting you have to go so extreme and it might seem overwhelming now but it's so worth it to see a GOOD doctor who has the experience you need. Good luck : )

 

[cboz]

I wish I had some advice for you, but I can tell you that I'm RIGHT there with you with our 7-1/2 year old boy. It's horrible, and no one with "regular" kids understands what you're going through. At the very least, there are some kindred spirits here to listen and comfort. Good luck with everything.

 

[WearyWoman]

Just want to lend some support. I have two boys, both of whom have ADHD, and the younger also has Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) (an autism spectrum disorder), apraxia of speech, etc. We have tried a lot of different medications, and through it all, we have learned that stimulants do tend to increase mean/aggressive and agitated behavior later in the day, as the medication is leaving the system. Our son's pediatrician is aware of all the issues, and we have found (through trial and error) that Intuniv, given in combo with Focalin XR (extended release stimulant) seem to reduce the late-day meltdowns.

You may want to track when the anger is happening. Our son is usually very well behaved early in the day, after taking his stimulant medication. Then, after school, look out! And when the angries come out, they are truly over the top. I understand exactly what you mean about it bringing you to tears. My low point was when Bubby through his heavy bedpost knob at my head, only narrowly missing me, with the knob crashing into our computer screen. I have been attacked, bitten, hit, scratched, and punched. We've had many things damaged during meltdown mode. We went through a number of years of this, thinking our son had progressed into some sort of serious emotional disturbance, before realizing these particular meltdowns were caused by his stimulants wearing off.

Things have been better lately, although he still has his moments. They're milder though and less frequent.

If you document what has been happening, when, and any precipitating factors, you may discover a pattern. If your son's anger is much more prevalent at certain times of the day, it could be a medication issue. I know it's so very hard, but if his medications are making things worse, he may not have control of himself.

Folks here will tell you that it often takes a lot of trial and error and tenacity to find the right treatment, medications, services, and providers. We all truly understand. Please post when you can.