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Parent Emeritus
Help and Kindness needed please, I'm broken and new to this site
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<blockquote data-quote="so ready to live" data-source="post: 703789" data-attributes="member: 20054"><p>Hi Lost. I'm sorry this has all happened to you. Many of our situations mirror yours.</p><p> </p><p>It may be easier at this "very beginning" to simply take a few things into your control. Can you shut phone off at night? Let his calls go to voicemail? We found it never solved anything to answer drugged calls at 3am, it simply caused me to cry myself back to sleep-if sleep ever came. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Good advice. We've had to do this twice (the locks) and put security system in. I had a difficult time telling the security company that it was for my own "kid". We also called police once (2am) as he came home high and crazy and we were afraid. Seeing your child handcuffed face down on your lawn is not something you forget, but he didn't forget either, and realized we meant it if we threatened to call for help.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Our son is 29, we've gone through this most of his life. We've only totally cut off support this year. I think the most powerful thought I've heard here is "do you want to still be doing this in ten years?" I did not. </p><p></p><p></p><p>You too have hit this point, haven't you? You really have done all you can-it's on him now. For us, managing the phone, locking house to feel safe from drama and lastly<strong> stopping the $</strong>. <strong>All money</strong>. No paying bills, fines, bails, dealers, rent--give your son the respect of facing his own consequences. It's how we all learn. No money for food-they won't buy food. No money for a coat or sleeping bag-likewise. If you want to give these for gifts, just be aware they can and do sell them for drugs. Maybe they won't this time. I know this is harsh, who lives like this? We do.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I believe this is the hardest part. We felt as if we didn't know what our son was capable of in respect to supporting himself as he has many limitations. But he does know right from wrong. He consistently chooses wrong for whatever reason. I thought way too much about the whys, when all I could handle initially was his behavior and my response. Then I realized I couldn't control his behavior. That leaves<em> my response</em>-that's all any of us can do. </p><p>So...save yourself. This is not your fault. You've done all you can and more. Prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="so ready to live, post: 703789, member: 20054"] Hi Lost. I'm sorry this has all happened to you. Many of our situations mirror yours. It may be easier at this "very beginning" to simply take a few things into your control. Can you shut phone off at night? Let his calls go to voicemail? We found it never solved anything to answer drugged calls at 3am, it simply caused me to cry myself back to sleep-if sleep ever came. Good advice. We've had to do this twice (the locks) and put security system in. I had a difficult time telling the security company that it was for my own "kid". We also called police once (2am) as he came home high and crazy and we were afraid. Seeing your child handcuffed face down on your lawn is not something you forget, but he didn't forget either, and realized we meant it if we threatened to call for help. Our son is 29, we've gone through this most of his life. We've only totally cut off support this year. I think the most powerful thought I've heard here is "do you want to still be doing this in ten years?" I did not. You too have hit this point, haven't you? You really have done all you can-it's on him now. For us, managing the phone, locking house to feel safe from drama and lastly[B] stopping the $[/B]. [B]All money[/B]. No paying bills, fines, bails, dealers, rent--give your son the respect of facing his own consequences. It's how we all learn. No money for food-they won't buy food. No money for a coat or sleeping bag-likewise. If you want to give these for gifts, just be aware they can and do sell them for drugs. Maybe they won't this time. I know this is harsh, who lives like this? We do. I believe this is the hardest part. We felt as if we didn't know what our son was capable of in respect to supporting himself as he has many limitations. But he does know right from wrong. He consistently chooses wrong for whatever reason. I thought way too much about the whys, when all I could handle initially was his behavior and my response. Then I realized I couldn't control his behavior. That leaves[I] my response[/I]-that's all any of us can do. So...save yourself. This is not your fault. You've done all you can and more. Prayers. [/QUOTE]
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Help and Kindness needed please, I'm broken and new to this site
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