Help! difficult child is selling weed.

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by pinevalley, Mar 23, 2010.

  1. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Our difficult child son can be defiant, and thinks that rules and laws don't apply to him. We know that he has tried alcohol and weed already. I read lots of text messages on my son's phone last night, and he was sending texts about selling weed to his friends. He was even bragging about how he has a business with dealing. My husband and I talked to our son about this today, and he said that it was just a joke and that he doesn't sell. We can see that difficult child would sell weed, because he would think this is an easy way to make money. We have taken his cell phone away, and made it clear that we don't want any drugs in our home. Our difficult child says we are making too much of silly texts that he sent, and he can't see why he should be grounded. I'm really afraid that our son will be arrested for drugs, and I don't know what else we can do to convince our difficult child not to sell weed. Do you have any suggestions for me? Thanks, (I also posted this on the substance abuse forum.)
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I don't think you can prevent it from happening if he's determined to do it. However, you can specify to him in very explicit terms what the consequences will be for him, both legally and within your own family. That's a line he needs to understand that you will not tolerate him crossing and that you will act on swiftly.

    Perhaps you should also discuss this with the psychiatrist/therapist as they may be able to provide some help and support for whatever is going on with him.

    I'm sorry he's doing this to you.
  3. aeroeng

    aeroeng Mom of Three

    I would recommend random drug testing and bag checks. If he is living in your house he should not expect privacy, particularly when he behaves in a manor unacceptable to you.
  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would search his room, personally. If you find something, flush it. Tell him if you find it again, you're calling the police. Illegal activity in my home would be a hard line for me, personally. I agree you probably can't convince him not to sell, but you can let him know the consequences if he involves you in it, and then follow through on those if necessary.
  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I also think its time to pop a urine test on him. Taking his cell phone was a good idea too but if he is really selling he will just get a disposable because he is making enough money. Check his room a lot. Look for little baggies, a little scale, stuff like that. The scale may be in a package that looks like a book or a pack of cards. They need a way to weigh the product.
  6. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    If you find evidence that he is using and dealing, I would not hesitate to get him into a treatment program. Not only is the activity illegal, but it can turn dangerous very quickly.
  7. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I have been there. Glad you took away the car. We took our difficult child's away a year ago. No cell phone either, although it is true he can buy a prepaid one.

    Kids will always say it's a joke. That's how they try to explain everything. If it walks and talks like a skunk it is. They will also try to tell you everyone is doing it and it's no big deal. Wrong! We do monthly drug tests on difficult child, and not the home test kids where they can water it down or use someone elses. We found a lab that does drug testing and will give us the results. It'sd a condition ofr her living here.

    Oh and one other thing, no car. Check every nook and cranny in the car and his room.

  8. GoingNorth

    GoingNorth Crazy Cat Lady

    You have to act on this. In many jurisdictions you can lose your HOUSE if illegal activity is taking place there.
  9. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    Thank you for all the advice you have given me about my son. I will definitely search his room and any other place that he would hide drugs. I have looked online for home testing kits, but I am not sure which one to order. One of the problems we are having is that my difficult child is hanging out with one kid who has parties in his family's apartment with alcohol and weed. We are forbidding our son to hang around this guy or go to these parties, but I know that he will not listen to us all the time. It is so hard to constantly try to protect our difficult child and keep him safe. I am afraid that he will get arrested and ruin his life because of his stupid decisions. I am also going to tell our psychiatrist about the weed, because there may be a problem with the depacote that our difficult child is taking every day. Thank you again for the moms who have been there and understand.
  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    If you want to do just a home test, they sell them at every walmart and drug store.
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Our difficult child hung out all last summer at a home where the parents were not there, the dad was staying with his girlfriend and the mom moved out into an apartment. Their 17 year old son had drug/alcohol parties there day and night. I went to the house on many occassions and pounded on the door and refused to leave until she came out. I called the police, I called CPS and told them there was no parental supervision, I did everything I could to shut the activity down. I sent the police fb and myspace comments about what was going on there. It was a horrible time for us. The house finally went into foreclosure and the boy is now living with the mom somewhere, but in the meantime a lot of kids were polluted by this behavior. Our difficult child did end up having several juvenile charges against her and I would do it in a heartbeat again if I had to.

    I still remember Caroll O Connor's commercials saying "get between your kids and drugs any way you can."

    Good luck.