help for 15 year old with dual diagnosis

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by kt4394, Apr 17, 2016.

  1. kt4394

    kt4394 Member

    Worst day yet with my 15 year old. Called the police on him and he was taken to hospital for psychiatric evaluation. I'm relieved, but totally heartbroken. He had a backpack with alcohol, marijuana and coedine that I found and he flipped. I tried to take bag and he is stronger than me and got away. He ran and I called the police to get him. He was totally belligerent to them and I watched as they handcuffed him. He said he was going to kill himself and they had to call an ambulance. He has been struggling with anxiety and depression for many years and did have a recent inpatient stay that only seemed to make the drug use/behavior so much worse. He has been smoking marijuana to self-medicate, starting probably 2 years ago. We have been trying to get him help, but he is totally resistant and the "help" that is available isn't always very helpful. He sees nothing wrong with pot, cites all his "online research", tells us to get educated. He honestly thinks that he can get a medical card to get pot, says he knows people who do. I know that's a lie. When I was trying to get the bag from him yesterday I asked if the drugs were more important that his family, his health, his future. He said yes and he meant it. He mind is completely riddled and wrecked by drugs. Getting help that he needs is so hard. We are filing a Child Requiring Assistance application this week while he is in the hospital. I just don't know what to do, how to help him, what's going to happen. I am a mess, fighting with my husband, not sleeping, totally stressed and it is effecting everything in my life. I feel myself breaking. If anyone can help, I appreciate it.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hi. So sorry for this.

    I guess you found,like most of us have, that pot does not really help anxiety and depression. Not always, but more often than pot lovers like to admit,pot not only kills motivation but is a Gateway drug for worse,addictive drugs. Welcome to our sad club.

    Since your son is still a it possible to force him into rehab? You still have a few years of some legal control. Do you know how he got the codeine? The money to buy the drugs?
  3. Completely Disturb

    Completely Disturb Which way do I go!

    Well he in the hospital now being evaluated i know it's not easy seeing your kid like this but you are going to have to take control of your life first in order to help your son. Continue to keep up with the sight here and read the other post and it will help you on making decision on moving forward and feeling better about your decision. That's what been helping me, will keep you and your family in prayer.
  4. FlowerGarden

    FlowerGarden Active Member

    You are not alone with what you are going through. Your son sounds exactly like mine citing the online research! We had to call the police many times on my son. He was hospitalized a lot. The only way we were able to get him the help he needed, which was a residential program, was to keep calling the police. Eventually a judge court ordered him into the residential program. Where I live, at 15 years old, the child can refuse any help & medication, unless they are court ordered. My son is a lot better but he relapses. After every relapse, he bettered himself, matured a bit more. I am holding my breath that he doesn't relapse anymore.
    Going through what you are with your son is very stressful on you and your husband. It is difficult. The two of you should try a support group or therapy to help deal with the situation. We found both helpful because we learned how to both work together to get through the situation.
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  5. kt4394

    kt4394 Member

    Thanks to all of you for reaching out.
    We are trying to get the courts involved...hoping that will help and set him on the way to recovery. We want him in rehab, but only have insurance coverage for the outpatient programs we have tried so far. I'm constantly searching for somewhere to send him - rehab/therapeutic school - and it's insane how much it costs! $20,000 for a 28 day program, $70,000 for a year of therapeutic boarding school. How does anyone do it?! What about wilderness programs/boot camp places? I hear so many horror stories. Any insight?
    Hoping that getting the courts involved will either force him into taking the help offered and helping him to quit (wouldn't that be nice!) or force him into a inpatient rehab facility of their choosing, then hoping for the best. I have been searching for some kind of support program and there doesn't seem to be much near me. I am thinking of going to Al Anon or maybe Nar Anon. Any recommendations? I have heard that Al Anon is a little less intense and Nar Anon is more hard drug support (heroin, etc). I found my son with the coedine, but I also know that pot is his main drug of choice. Does anyone know if Al Anon is more alcohol related or if it even really matters? I suppose support is support and I can use anything I can get right now.
    My son called me tonight from the hospital and I didn't answer. It was so very hard. I wanted to talk to him, but I know it was just going to be him trying to manipulate me. He wants to be taken out of the hospital. Right now, he's still where he was brought by the police. They are waiting on a placement somewhere else. I'm hoping that comes tomorrow. For now, I'm just praying and trying to be strong. I appreciate any and all help and advice. Thank you!!
  6. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Al anon is for prople who love an addict, not for the addict. It may be good for YOU.

    Until your son wants to quit likely nothing may help.
    My daughter used from ages 12-19. We thought it was mostly pot too, but after she quit, she told us it was mostly speed, including meth and that she had tried almost everything. I was beyond shocked. I had no clue.

    The fact is none of us know what our kids use. They dont usually do their worst at home. We all think its just pot. Maybe for your son it is, but the Xanax abuse and codeine make me think it could be more.

    My best suggestion is to try to find a state run rehab. I dont think AA or Narc Anon is enough to get him to stop right now.

    Jmo and wishing you luck. Keep posting. We care.
  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Sorry to hear your story. It's very similar to mine. My son, who is now 20, went off the rails at 15. It started slow about a year or so prior but he started with weed also. Thinks it's the best thing since sliced bread. He then got expelled for two years when he was a sophomore for selling pot. I wish I knew then what I know now.

    My son was in rehab 3 times, juvenile detention once for a month and a few times for a few weeks. Also spent a few days in jail. He has been dabbling with drugs and alcohol on and off for five years. We've done EVERYTHING. This last time he was no longer a minor so we told him he could not come home so now he is in sober living 1500 miles away and seems to be doing pretty good. He never got into heroin or meth but liked to abuse benzos that he had been previously prescribed for anxiety. If I had known that was so addictive and could be abused I never would have agreed to it. He has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I am afraid that if he were to come back he'd go to the harder stuff. Some kids just don't get it. I trusted his psychiatrist to help him and instead he gave him (and his naive mom) the tools to become a full blown addict.

    I think when they start young it's almost IMPOSSIBLE to get them to stop. They have to mature and that doesn't come quick or easy. Maybe others can comment but that's my opinion from what I've experienced. I think the best advice to give is to take care of yourself and other members of your family because you could be in for quite a ride. This forum has helped me tremendously and there are people here that I consider to be experts. I never would have refused my son to return to our home if I had not gotten the strength from this site and it has been the best thing in the world for us. We love our son to the moon and back but I learned I could not fix this. I actually look forward to going home after work now!!!

    Prayers and hugs to you!
  8. in a daze

    in a daze Well-Known Member

    am thinking of going to Al Anon or maybe Nar Anon. Any recommendations? I have heard that Al Anon is a little less intense and Nar Anon is more hard drug support (heroin, etc). I found my son with the coedine, but I also know that pot is his main drug of choice. Does anyone know if Al Anon is more alcohol related or if it even really matters?

    Read more:

    U can go to either.I like Families Anonymous.
  9. kt4394

    kt4394 Member

    Thank you so much for the support. I know it's going to be a long ride. If he doesn't want to stop, he's not going to. He needs to be ready and just wish I could give him the wake up call to be ready, but am trying and trying to admit to myself that I can't. I feel like all the rehabs and counselors in the world aren't going to help until he can admit it's a problem. Right now he just thinks that we are the problem. I looked into Families Anonymous and it sounds like just what I need. Unfortunately, the meetings are nowhere near me, an hour to 2 away. I am going to look into their Meetings without Walls and try that. Appreciate the help and guidance.
  10. kt4394

    kt4394 Member

    He just called from the hospital. He apologized for everything that went on and it was so hard not to just say it's okay, we'll take you out of the hospital. I don't know that the hospital is wherer he should be, a psychiatric admission, but know he needs any help he can get.
    I feel relieved that I can come on here and write and know someone is listening and understanding. Thank you.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    If it helps,bi thoughtbitbwasbeasier forbmy daughter to quit because she started young. Drug addicts stay arrested in time..
    They dont mature. My daughter got tired of drugs, cops, trouble etc and quot, even cigarettes. She quit before her brain was fried forever.

    You have a great vhance to try to impact your son NOW while he is still a minor. Do all ypu can NOW. If he turs 25 or 30 or 40 and is still using in my opinion that is far worse. Do not go into denial. Talk to somebody ASAP who understands how to intervene with young drug users before he is doing it for ten, twenty years. My daughter stopped. So can your son.

    Sending warm and healing vibes.
  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Not to rain on your parade, but they literally all call promising us anything and apologizing after they get in serious trouble and they cry and try to win our support back. Its what they do.

    I'd let.him stay in the hospital and maybe get some direction. You both need help, you as much as him, and nothing will change if you keep dancing the same dance. He needs to quit using drugs before he will get better.

    Hugs and hang tough. They need us to be strong, not weak and giving into everything.
  13. kt4394

    kt4394 Member

    thanks so much. I'm trying to stay strong and keep him where he is. My husband is trying too, but its even harder for him. Through all of this, he has always wanted to believe the best and give him the benefit of the doubt, not believing what is right in front of us. Husband went to visit him and I can sense his wavering on son being in hospital. I can't even deal. We are finally supposed to go to file for Child Requiring Assistance tomorrow, something that has been put off because of husband's ambivalence.
    On top of all of this, my (other) son scratched my car last night pretty bad, which took a while and some crying and swearing to get past it and realize it was just cosmetic and nothing in the big picture of things. Then, today, I wasn't paying attention pulling out of parking lot and drove right into another car! ARGH!!! The person I hit was so nice about it, saying how things could be so much worse, it could be cancer, etc. I told him that I know how it could be so much worse, but yet there I was bawling my eyes out like a big, fat, hysterical fool.
    I'm so glad to be able to come here to vent. I feel better already. thanks:thunderstorm:
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Kt, wow. When it rains, it pours. Sorry about your car and then (just what you needed) an accident.

    Kt, your son is not bad. He is sick. If your husband won't let him get treatment, as he would allow if your son had diabetes or epilepsy, then very soon you may have an eighteen year old untreated drug addict on your hands, and legally you CANT help him unless he agrees, and they usually don't.

    Maybe you can help your husband to see your son as somebody who is sick and he can't help him because he's not a medical professional. I think often denial keeps us from getting help for them (or trying to) when they are still young. We feel badly for them because we love them. But our love and pity won't solve drug use or mental health problems.

    Before we know it, our teen can be 25 or older, out of our control, emotionally arrested and angry, usually at the world but mostly at us.

    Will your husband read our answers???
  15. Karenvm

    Karenvm Member

    KT, I have been where you are! My son sounds SO similar! I too have seen him handcuffed (after I called the police on him for smoking pot in my house), another time police had to be called to take him to psychiatric ER, where he was in an adolescent psychiatric unit for 5 days (twice), etc. It's horrible. I've cried that same horrible cry, sitting in my car after leaving him at the hospital, just not understanding WHY. I too, looked at the wilderness programs, boarding schools, etc. He spent one month in a pediatric psychiatric facility, though I honestly don't know that he really even needed to be there (I just needed him out of my house!). He is now 20, and by no means perfect. I don't have any good advice for you, but please know you are not alone! This board is such a great source of comfort, just hearing from others, and knowing that it is not only YOUR child that has these issues, and also that you did not cause this. Hang in there!
  16. kt4394

    kt4394 Member

    Thanks, again. I really appreciate the support.
    Just an update, today he was transferred and admitted to a psychiatric hospital. This admission isn't for the substance abuse, just for the underlying issues, but hoping it will help. I think the anxiety and depression had a lot to do with why he started with drugs in the first place and although I think the drugs are the bigger issue right now, I think it's better than nothing. He could certainly use the help. I haven't spoken to him, but my husband went in to sign papers and did speak to him a bit. Here comes the next hard part - I want to try to step back, not go in to see him every day like I want to, and just let him take the treatment and maybe miss us a little. We do have to bring him some clothes and other stuff tomorrow and my older son wants to see him because he's going away until mid-next week. Hoping my husband will go in with my other son because I just don't know I can handle it right now. It's a minute to minute thing for me. I never thought I could cry this much. It's hard to stay strong or at least look the part.
    I appreciate being able to vent it here though.
  17. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Him being in the hospital is a good thing and you need the break. He needs help that you can't give him and that's hard for us moms because we are supposed to fix everything! It's so hard when they are young and this is all new to you. Do what you need to do!

    I feel sad that my son is in Florida because he just can't live at home. He doesn't do well. I hate it but I have to accept it. It is all very sad.
  18. UpandDown

    UpandDown Active Member

    Kt, I am sorry all of you are going through this. I can empathize with how you are feeling. My 16 year old son completely flipped out on me a few months ago. All to do with consequences given for me finding out he snuck car out in the middle of the night to smoke weed. He threatened to kill himself and ran off in the woods with a knife. Thankfully he came to his senses and came back and dropped the knife,saying he didn't really want to die but I was pushing him to the edge. This all while I was on the phone with 911. He was taken to the hospital and after 10 hours in the ER he was released to us for a 10 day outpatient program in local pysch hospital. Then he had homebound schooling for 6 weeks and just started back to school with early dismissal. I felt gutted and sad and so so depressed. As a note of encouragement, he has drastically improved since the partial hospitalization. I think he scared himself very badly at how far he went. And I think he learned some more ways to work through his anxiety and depression. And having to tell his school that he was hospitalized for his anxiety really got them to finally offer real help and understanding. He has a long way to go as he is still smoking. I pray that this hospitalization for your son helps him and also opens up future healing and help. Be kind to yourself and do whatever you need to do to get through this time. If not going to see him is how you get through then that is ok!!! I made a list of small things that made me feel good and tried to do them. Small, simple things like reading a magazine, deactivating my fb account(lol),taking walks,calling an old friend and not talking about son. I learned that I am really strong and could get through things that I wouldn't wish on anyone. One last piece of advice that i learned here is not "awfulize" and not to write the ending to my son's story.
  19. kt4394

    kt4394 Member

    Hi All, this board has been a godsend for me. It is so cathartic to be able to spill it all out without judgement and to get back guidance and understanding. Thanks.
    So - husband went to see son in hospital today. I didn't go. Son told him that he owes someone $200 for weed and he says he hid the weed somewhere and that's why he was selling the coedine to pay off his debt. Son is spinning this whole tale and told the counselors where he is the same thing. One part of me just wants to take him out and pay off his, but then the other stronger, more reasonable side is telling me NO. Although I don't 100 percent believe he needs to be in psychiatric ward, I don't want him out. What he needs is a drug rehab. He told husband he has no intention of stopping smoking pot, even if that means failing drug tests with his probation officer and being taken away from us and placed in state custody. How can my 15 year old baby be so addicted to pot and whatever else that he would rather go away than get help? How did it get to this point? I feel so helpless, so lost, so conflicted. I can't stop crying.
    I did, however, go to my first Al Anon meeting tonight. I only listened, but it was sort of helpful. I will go back next week.
  20. WordNerd

    WordNerd New Member

    I am glad that you are finding support through Al Anon and this board. I am new here as well, but feel your pain when it comes to sticking with the tough decisions. Keep updating, as everyone here is wonderfully supportive and helpful.