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Help!! I'm new here, my adhd/autistic son refuses to use the toilet at night!
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 705876" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I think this is a situation where peer pressure is going to do more than mom pressure ever will. As a mom, you really cannot fight every battle or all you do is fight with your kid. I know - I fought WAY too many small battles with my son and it ruined a lot of things that didn't have to be ruined for us. I do feel that you have to follow your instincts, and that what feels right to you is likely what is right for your family, regardless of whether it is right for anyone on this forum or at the autism clinic or the doctor's office. </p><p></p><p>But in the case of using the bathroom, that really isn't something that someone can dictate - it really is a very personal thing. I know that friends had a child who finally had to stop sending their daughter to daycare in dresses that the grandma sent because the ONLY time the girl had accidents was when she had to wear those dresses. Other dresses? She was fine, but those dresses were hideously ugly to the girl. Mom and Dad refused to listen to the girl, so the girl controlled them the only way she could, she peed on them. Your son is telling you loudly that he wants to be in diapers at night. Even if you take Netflix and big boy toys away, he wants his diapers. It may be a comfort thing. Or it may be a sensory thing. But he wants them and is determined to have them You seem determined enough to give up your sleep and his to force him to use the toilet. I think you are in for a very long battle, where if you give him a bit more time, maybe a few more months, this will move on to another issue. </p><p></p><p>I am NOT saying to give in and give him the Netflix and toys. Go ahead and save those for Mom and Dad time, for time when he is not around. Don't let him have them. Box them up and put them in a closet. But stop giving up sleep for pouring water over him at night and making you both lose sleep. How bad is the next day for both of you? How much more dug in are you both the next day? How much more likely are each of you to give in the next day? I bet he is NOT more likely to use the potty the next day, but you are more worn out and more likely to lose your temper. Mostly because for him it is likely sensory and for you it is confusion and anger based. So you are not coming at the issue from the same place and when tired, you are not going to go to the same place. </p><p></p><p>A few months of little kid videos or no tv at all won't hurt him AT ALL. A few months or a year of peer pressure about not doing things with other kids because he is in diapers after school, well, that that does change things. I am NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT saying that you should EVER tell him that he cannot do something because he is in diapers, or that you should tell his classmates that he is in diapers at night. THat sets him up for bullying that is unfair and wrong. But it is a fact that you don't go on big kid events like sleepovers and school trips and things if you don't use the toilet. It just is. So if you want to do those things, which eventually everyone does, then you learn to use the toilet. </p><p></p><p>I am NOT trying to bash you here. I am hoping to take a little pressure off of you. Life is hard enough and there are enough pressures with a child with autism. You have enough to worry about without having to carve out 30 more minutes each night to pour water on him to get him to urinate. You need sleep in order to be able to cope with the next day's challenges. That is all that I am saying!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 705876, member: 1233"] I think this is a situation where peer pressure is going to do more than mom pressure ever will. As a mom, you really cannot fight every battle or all you do is fight with your kid. I know - I fought WAY too many small battles with my son and it ruined a lot of things that didn't have to be ruined for us. I do feel that you have to follow your instincts, and that what feels right to you is likely what is right for your family, regardless of whether it is right for anyone on this forum or at the autism clinic or the doctor's office. But in the case of using the bathroom, that really isn't something that someone can dictate - it really is a very personal thing. I know that friends had a child who finally had to stop sending their daughter to daycare in dresses that the grandma sent because the ONLY time the girl had accidents was when she had to wear those dresses. Other dresses? She was fine, but those dresses were hideously ugly to the girl. Mom and Dad refused to listen to the girl, so the girl controlled them the only way she could, she peed on them. Your son is telling you loudly that he wants to be in diapers at night. Even if you take Netflix and big boy toys away, he wants his diapers. It may be a comfort thing. Or it may be a sensory thing. But he wants them and is determined to have them You seem determined enough to give up your sleep and his to force him to use the toilet. I think you are in for a very long battle, where if you give him a bit more time, maybe a few more months, this will move on to another issue. I am NOT saying to give in and give him the Netflix and toys. Go ahead and save those for Mom and Dad time, for time when he is not around. Don't let him have them. Box them up and put them in a closet. But stop giving up sleep for pouring water over him at night and making you both lose sleep. How bad is the next day for both of you? How much more dug in are you both the next day? How much more likely are each of you to give in the next day? I bet he is NOT more likely to use the potty the next day, but you are more worn out and more likely to lose your temper. Mostly because for him it is likely sensory and for you it is confusion and anger based. So you are not coming at the issue from the same place and when tired, you are not going to go to the same place. A few months of little kid videos or no tv at all won't hurt him AT ALL. A few months or a year of peer pressure about not doing things with other kids because he is in diapers after school, well, that that does change things. I am NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT saying that you should EVER tell him that he cannot do something because he is in diapers, or that you should tell his classmates that he is in diapers at night. THat sets him up for bullying that is unfair and wrong. But it is a fact that you don't go on big kid events like sleepovers and school trips and things if you don't use the toilet. It just is. So if you want to do those things, which eventually everyone does, then you learn to use the toilet. I am NOT trying to bash you here. I am hoping to take a little pressure off of you. Life is hard enough and there are enough pressures with a child with autism. You have enough to worry about without having to carve out 30 more minutes each night to pour water on him to get him to urinate. You need sleep in order to be able to cope with the next day's challenges. That is all that I am saying! [/QUOTE]
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Help!! I'm new here, my adhd/autistic son refuses to use the toilet at night!
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