Help in decision to have grown pregnant daughter arrested for stealing

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by in agony, Feb 5, 2014.

  1. in agony

    in agony New Member

    In agony - Help in decision to have grown pregnant daughter arrested for stealing. She was a heroin addict but now on suboxone. I have raised her son since 4 weeks old. Became pregnant again in 2010 and moved back in with me and my gs...2nd son born 8 weeks early...he was adopted by distant relatives. She met and married during that time and her husband comes before anyone. She puts him before her own son. She has moved back in with her husband after being separated almost a year. During this time living with me she has stolen and is a pathological lier if it serves her purpose. we were told during her teen yrs she has an hist. personality. she will do anything for this husband of hers. After he dumps her for an ex wife and plans to move her with him in an apt. plus she beat my daughter up. (I know, Jerry Springer, right?) my daughter puts all this on facebook and also makes him jealous, but because she got a job and was bringing in a good paycheck...he lets her movein with him. she is now pregnant and has stolen jewelry from my sister to sale to get money. I can not bare the though of her going to prison, plus being pregnant. but family thinks she needs to....the next thing to happen could be even worse.
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2014
  2. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    In agony, I am so sorry. That is a sad tale.

    I think you need to press charges. I know how incredibly difficult it is to do, believe me, I am not saying that lightly. But, you are already raising your've now done enough.

    You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. You may want to contact NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, they can be accessed online and have chapters everywhere. They have excellent courses for parents which will provide you with resources, support, compassion, understanding and tools to guide you through this maze of detachment.

    It is extremely important to get support for you. You have been at this for a long time and I'm sure you are emotionally depleted. You must take the focus off of your daughter and place in on yourself, your grandson and the rest of your family. It is vital to nurture and nourish yourself by amping up your self care with proper rest, healthy food, exercise, meditation if that works for you, in other words, take the best care of yourself that you possibly can.................this detaching from our kids is............agonizing.

    Sometimes jail can be the safest place for some of our kids. Parents here have often said, "It's crazy, but I feel a level of peace when my adult child is in jail, he/she is safe, fed and warm. I know where they are. I can stop worrying."

    You are absolutely powerless to change another. You did not cause this and you cannot control it. You needn't feel any guilt over something someone else has done to deserve the natural consequences their act warrants. All of us have to face the consequences of our behavior and our choices........even those of us who have 'disorders' or mental illness.

    In my opinion, you and your sister should both press charges. It is out of your hands now.

    Keep posting, it helps. Stay the course.........hang in there, we're here for're not alone............wishing you peace of mind, you deserve that..........
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2014
  3. dstc_99

    dstc_99 Well-Known Member

    Whomever she stole from should press charges.

    Sent from my iPhone using ConductDisorders
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    the baby will be safer with somebody else. she has histronic personality disorder? she will not change, most likely. I would not let her get away with stealing anymore.

    Hugs for your hurting mommy heart.
  5. Scent of Cedar *

    Scent of Cedar * Well-Known Member

    I agree that NAMI would be a great resource for you, in agony.

    NAMI is a volunteer organization devoted to helping the victims of mental illness and their families cope. There will probably be a chapter in your area.

    Is drug use involved? If so, it might be a good idea to call Social Services in now, to protect the unborn child.

    How old is your daughter, in agony?