HELP! Is this a crime? Sister drama.

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by MidwestMom, Jan 4, 2014.

  1. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    So I lost a lot of weight and told a few people who are on my FB that I have a very pretty, very thin sister, one who is even thinner than me. Several asked to see a picture, but we aren't talking. I found her picture on one of her friend's pages and posted it on my FB to show others how pretty she is and I didn't even label it (there are three other girls). She called my poor 89 year old dad and said I was "cyber-stalking" her and would call the police.

    Is this against the law? I really want to know.

    This is why I don't have much to do with most of my DNA associates. They are pretty crazy. Not that I'm so sane, but this cop calling business, which she does any time I do something she doesn't like (even though most of the time I'm unaware I did anything wrong to her) is par for the course for her, but it always scares me because I really try hard NOT to break the law.
  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I doubt it's against the law. The cops would probably laugh at her if she actually called them. I would remove the picture, though.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I took one of her pictures off of her friend's sites to show some of my FB friends who had asked to see her. She is very pretty and they wanted to see if they thought she looked like me. We are estranged so I did it without her knowledge, but she found out. There must be a notification to the FB owner who must have told my sister. Yikes. I never would have wanted her to know. She is forever threatening to call the cops on me for trite reasons, this being one.

    She has called my poor 89 year old father to threaten me through him. Can she get me into trouble? So far the cops have had to come over to address her silly concerns, but I have never gotten into trouble over them. Is this cyber-stalking? I didn't even put her name down and I certainly didn't change the picture to make her look inappropriate in any :)

  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    MWM~ I don't believe you did anything illegal, per se, however I do think you crossed a personal boundary. If you have to do something hoping that the other person doesn't find out then it probably isn't the right thing to do. An apology from you is most likely in order as is a promise to respect her privacy even though you meant no harm.
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I texted her and said I'd delete it and explained why I did it. I haven't heard back. I'm not really But I will say I am.She is very vain about her looks so the explanation that I wanted people to see how pretty she is will probably unruffle her feathers a bit, so to speak.

    Honestly, I had no ill intent and she knows it.
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I know you had no ill intent but how would you feel if someone passed around a photo of you (or other information) to group of people you don't know. What if that person were someone with whom you've become estranged from already? I think you should try to look at this from her point of view, no matter your past history.
  7. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Oh, I have and I apologized.

    I really don't care who posts my picture where as long as it's not changed to an obscene picture and nothing bad was said about me. I guess some people are more private. So she has the apology and what she wants to do with it is up to her. If I can find the picture, I will delete it, but I looked and it must be pretty far down the food chain by now. I don't see it. I will try again later.

    Thanks, TM. You always have a way of slowing me down and making me think. Believe it or not, I greatly appreciate it and take your words to heart.
  8. Signorina

    Signorina Guest

    You did nothing wrong in looking at the picture but you probably shouldn't have reposted it on FB. I wouldn't be happy if anyone did that but on the other hand, if it's out there; it's public. I am so sick and tired of people posting their lives online and then claiming that boundaries are crossed and their privacy has been violated when someone else looks at or sees things that the whole wide world can see.

    If it's posted online, there is absolutely no expectation of privacy regardless of personal wishes, privacy settings etc. And it will never disappear entirely regardless of deletion so or protection or anything else. You don't want the world to see your personal photos? Keep them in an album on your mantel and never put them online.

    And I think your sister is absurd to call your dad and complain. Utterly absurd. Is she 12? If not, there's no excuse.
  9. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Sig- I could not agree more. Some creep at work (stalker) sent a me love letter, and I "published" it everywhere, his wife, etc... He tried to "tell" on me at work, a joke---they said to him, " You were the one who published it!"
  10. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Oh, I agree that one should not expect privacy over anything that is posted on the internet (hence why this forum greatly discourages the sharing of personally identifiable information); but I do feel that is there's already a lack of trust or other problems in a relationship (like MWM and her sister) that it is prudent to exercise respect for personal boundaries. I'm sure, had MWM thought it out, she would have realized that it would upset her sister. Now, she and her sister have an upset 89 year old father. This could have been avoided. And again, I don't think MWM meant any harm.
  11. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I agree with all of you. Actually, anyone can take any pictures we have (scary to think about) and superimpose our faces upon naked bodies. Seriously. I worry about my kids. Julie smartly got rid of her FB.
    On the other hand, I find TM such a voice of reason and she is not talking about legally right or wrong but about my overstepping personal boundaries of somebody I often can't get along with just because we think so differently...and how things can be better for us, which I value. Bet TM's kids and hub and extended value appreciate her levelheaded thinking :) I respect her tremendously!

    I am aware that I act impulsively, often without thinking. I do not mean ill, but if I just counted to ten...and try to think, "Would she care if I did this?" I'd get into less trouble and really like when somebody reminds me of this. Maybe I'll pause longer next time.

    As for the others, I am now aware I can not be in trouble with the law and I wish my sister would stop trying to get the cops on me every time I do something she doesn't like. I wish she instead would talk to me (not my poor 89 year old dad) but to me. Lack of communication between us is a huge problem. If she gets angry, she just will not take my calls, read my texts, or e-mails, etc.

    Both of us have to do better in order to have any relationship at all, even a bad on-and-off one.Either we are both not trying hard enough or else it is a lost cause, which is possible. We are very different-thinking people.

    Thanks to all. You know I value every single member of this community for different reasons. Everyone has so much to bring to the table. I sometimes need a kick in the butt and I accept that kick with a smile :)
  12. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    MWM~ I merged the other thread you started in the general forum archives.
  13. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    It's her problem for making it public. You couldn't have plucked it off of the other page if she hadn't left it open for public view. Philips head her.
  14. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Witz, that's how I actually feel. Her picture is all over the internet. I didn't get it from her site. I happened to see it on my cousin's site. If you put yourself out there, anyone can take it. You don't HAVE to have a FB. My daughter and her SO's mom took down their FBs...I am hearing of more and more people doing this. So if she has her picture all over the internet, she is just mad because *I* happened to take it, even though I didn't label her name like everyone else does. She is just angry because I did me she is tagged a lot and does not care. But it's ME and she is currently angry at ME.

    I still did the right thing by offering to take it down and by apologizing, I believe, and if she wants to keep stewing over it, so be it. Any of the men she meets when she hangs out at bars could do worse to her picture.

    I stay away from my DNA associates, except for my father, because there is very poor interaction and a lot of petty fighting. I am not defending myself. Yes, I knew she wouldn't want me to do it and I did it anyway. No, I didn't think she'd know and wasn't trying to tick her off. But her face is everywhere on the internet and not always where she put it.

    I am peaceful about how I resolved it, at least in my own mind. I tried to pacify her, calm her down, and assure her it wouldn't happen again. I apologized. I welcomed her to call me if she did not want to fight and just wanted to talk and acknowledged that I'm not always that easy to understand, just as she isn't.

    I think I did enough in this regard. She has yet to respond in any way. If she is still fuming over something this trite, I have no control over that. I do hope that by explaining, offering and apologizing she leaves my father alone. He has no computer and has no idea what Facebook is and it upsets him a lot when she calls to yell at him about me. I don't understand why she brings him into it.